Men will always be different. In terms of which things are considered important, how they perceive things, and how they relate emotionally. Women on the other hand are built to handle relationships. One is more pragmatic than the other, which in a way makes each a perfect complement to the other.

Here’s a look at what my friend and I talked about:

ME: so don’t stock up on words. just do it
HIM: sometimes actions not enough
ME: of course, women love to talk but practicing what you preach supports your words well.
HIM: its not enough. they interpret it as something else
HIM: even if you are doing coz you want to
ME: if there’s anything i learned about relationships, it’s never black & white
HIM: yeah
HIM: true
ME: if you want someone to know something, to understand something, you do everything in your power to communicate
ME: without wanting anything in exchange
HIM: well sometimes its better to leave thing as is
ME: only the knowledge that she/he understands and gets the message
HIM: maybe it isn’t meant to be
ME: what? and take on a defeat-ist attitude?
ME: that’s why it’s called a commitment
ME: using something that guys can relate to
ME: “leave no man behind”
ME: know what i mean?
HIM: guess theres really no happy ending
HIM: and we’re meant to be lonely
ME: it’s thinking that it’ll never end
ME: the thing i’ve noticed lang talaga
ME: for relationships to crumble is the unwillingness for partners to truly communicate
HIM: yeah thats true
ME: laging selfish that’s why instead of listening
ME: we turn a deaf ear and simply focus on what *we* are feeling
HIM: but its hard if you’re the one communicating
HIM: and the other party isnt doing anything
ME: i can so understand how frustrating that is
ME: it’s like talking to a brick wall
HIM: but i listen.. i know how important that is
HIM: its just hard to listen when all you hear is silence
ME: perhaps both need it
ME: both can listen to their own thoughts until they’re about to go insane
HIM: yeah i guess
HIM: the best things are better left unsaid
ME: i can’t agree with that
ME: i’m such a passionate advocate on how important communication is in relationships (any kind)
HIM: it is.
HIM: trust and communication i think is very important
ME: yea, with frequent communication, steady, healthy one at that will nurture mutual trust
HIM: dont you should start with trust
ME: well, i reckon as an individual, you have a certain amount of trust you can work with
ME: it’s never foolish to be wary about certain things cuz there are situations wherein you shouldn’t jump in blind
ME: but as both communicate, the said trust will be nurtured
ME: but if you’re talking about zero trust from the start, i advise you to run the opposite direction
ME: that’s not good. it spells trouble and heart break
HIM: yeah i think so
HIM: but you should trust each other to communicate freely
ME: that’s a component and a good foundation
ME: but both should practice *actively* communicating regardless of the other things
ME: know what i mean?
ME: have you reconciled yourself with what you’re going to say that you’ll be able to deliver the very message you’re trying to convey?
ME: can you speak with conviction? firmness? without concern on how the other person will take it?
ME: if you can you have a foot in the door
ME: now’s the hard part cuz
ME: it means doing it with compassion, empathy, and the true desire to be understood and to have the other person understand

Any additional thoughts?

Post from: Blisstree

Quick Chat on Trust & Communication

Another thing is that I am certain that there are more than five points in which you should consider before entertaining his advances but I’m only limiting my list into these points for now.

Disapprobation at home
It may not be the case for some individuals but here in my country, it’s widely practiced that the person you do choose to date or enter into a relationship with is or should be someone whom you’re family will approve of. It may be in terms of want of a connection or general character disposition, this person should possess traits that the family should approve of. Plainly, he should not just get along with your family but also should be the sort that your family will entrust you to without fear or resentment.

Clarity of his intentions
Cynical as it appears, one should really stop and think, ask the appropriate questions, to determine his true intentions. Is he courting you because you’re the one or just a maybe? Is his interest relative to convenience? Does he show signs of sound judgment? Is there a history of repetitive behaviour doesn’t sit well with you? More importantly, you shouldn’t find yourself in the position of trying to convince yourself that his intentions are in sync with your expectations.

Depth of his affection
As quite normal for most newly formed attractions, singling you out from the rest of the other female genders will have its certain appeal. You will hear words that will solidify your own belief in his affections toward you. Time can indeed tell — no matter how much of a cliché that may sound — if his feelings goes far beyond the physical. Are you willing to get involved, surrender your heart, at an undetermined depth of affection? Will you be able to survive the occurrence of a change of heart? Or are you ready to bare all, render yourself vulnerable, to a half-baked relationship?

Appeal of his profession
Hard to believe that I’m including this bit on the list but, yes, I am. With good reason. At face value, it may look superficial but I’d like to bring your attention to the fine print. For men, their professions form a great part of their life. Some even equate their person to their profession. And my main concern is if your built to be a partner to that. That’s what we, women, will be, right? Their partners in life. There some things in this life that will be difficult for us too understand and we can only be lucky if the man we end up with will take time to teach us what they do. Will his profession hold your interest long? Will you tolerate conversations and dates which will revolve around it? It’s true that if we find ourselves the subject of interest of a successful man of his profession, we’ll highly be flattered and attracted to him in some way. But to actually have that man become part of your life is a different thing. You have to consider your needs, too.

Subject of his eloquence
This is where the subject of I, You and Us will be talked about (pun intended). I reckon it’s quite important for you to notice how he speaks, with emphasis on the matter not just the manner. The latter is only important if you’re particular about it. The former will tell you just how much of yourself will be visible in the relationship and how much of himself. Will your thoughts truly matter? Will he pay attention to your accomplishments? Will he acknowledge your talents and just how much you add onto his life? Or will you forever be a groupie whom he expects undivided attention and adoration? And this is if he is indeed eloquent in the first place. A major part of your relationship will rely on effective communication, you see.

These are just my two cents. I just want to share these things in the hope that it will help other women in choosing the right partner. Like I said earlier, there may be more considerations that women should know about. Feel free to add your own thoughts on the matter.

Post from: Blisstree

5 Considerations Before Entertaining His Advances

Every couple’s communication lies not just in the actual “uttering” of the matter that needs said but in the reception. Do we hear the voice, sound or words? Or do we listen to the heart of the statement?

Sometimes, we often confuse things. Interpretations vary. You may see it as him being irrational and unresponsive while he can view you as selfish and paranoid. You may think that she’s simply being possessive while she may think that you’re simply being a jerk.

Can we stop and think why these things happen?

If only we can actually see the situation in our partner’s POV. Step outside of ourselves and see to heeding their needs. Perhaps you can see that it’s his nature to be practical even when you do have impractical emotional needs. Maybe you are indeed a jerk and it makes her actions similar to a “possessive” woman.

Does the answer lie on the words? Not just. Sometimes, we can’t stop with just hearing but move on to really listening. Esp if we want to sort things out.

Post from: Blisstree

Hearing Versus Listening

This somehow creates a certain feeling in the other person during the conversation. Using words like, “I understand” or “I know I pissed you off when I did — ” or acknowledging what he or she had said, somehow lets your partner know that you indeed listened.

We all need some form of assurance that our needs are known and heeded, right? Most of the time, all our partner needs for reassurance is knowing that we listen.

Your turn. What are your thoughts on the matter?

Post from: Blisstree

Importance of Empathy in Communicating with Your Partner

Step One Pick a good time to talk.

Timing is key. We can really say when both of the partners are open to talking at a specific time. Sometimes, you really have to set a proper time and place to talk.

Step Two Make sure that you are both sitting down and facing each other.

I heard somewhere that body language is one of the important aspect in communication. Sometimes, our perception takes in the non-verbal signs as if they were actually uttered out loud. I reckon it’s best to have each other pay the right amount of attention to the talk you are about to have. Wouldn’t you agree?

Step Three Be a good listener.

I believe this is one thing that’s most important. Both should learn how to listen, if you’re passionate about saying your side of the story, be as passionate in hearing the other’s. It’s only fair and beneficial for both.

What do you think? Do you agree with the 3-step procedure? Have you had the chance to apply it? Do share.

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Post from: Blisstree

3-Step Procedure for Effective Communication