At first it seemed pretty neat. How eHarmony works, is they make you take a personality test, where they ask you tons of questions about yourself and what you are looking for. Then they match what you said with others of the opposite sex (or same sex if that’s what you’re into). Every morning, I would wake up, and there would be 10 new matches for me. Then I would go through them and decide if I wanted to initate contact with any of them based on their pics and profiles. The communication is guided…you have to follow their sets of questions and then when you’re done that, you switch to open communication where you can e-mail back and forth.

I actually didn’t mind this at all…it can be a little stressful to just come right out and start talking to a complete stranger.

What they don’t tell you is that anyone can create a profile, and then walk away from it and never subscribe to the service (which means you can’t communiacate). I had a male friend who signed up the same time I did and he left his account alone for 3 months before subscribing. So he was getting matches sent to him the entire time…these women would be attempting communication with him, and he would be doing nothing about it, Talk about a blow to the ego…to never have someone return your communications!

So despite the fact that my profile was great, my picture was amazing, I barely got any attention. I think I made to open communication with 4 men in 3 months, and only had 2 dates….and I wasn’t trying to be picky! It became very clear rather quickly that there were way more women on eHarmony than there were men. Which makes sense since it’s typically a place to look for relationships.

The whole experience was pretty crappy, I really didn’t enjoy it at all. I would not recommend it to my friends. Has anyone else ever tried it?

Post from: Blisstree

My eHarmony Experience

Apparently, excluding gay and lesbian daters is turning out to be rather expensive. Today, I read that a Law Against Discrimination suit was filed against eHarmony after Eric McKinley was not allowed to contact another man on the site in 2005.

In July ‘07, the DCR issued a Finding of Probable Cause that eHarmony had violated the LAD, prompting the company to file a Motion for Reconsideration of the finding. (The motion was pending at the time of the settlement.)

Under the terms of the settlement, the company will pay him $5,000, plus dues of 10 times that amount to the state division to cover administrative costs.

As part of the settlement, eHarmony will be launching a site for same-sex daters called Compatible Partners by March 31. In addition, they will be offering 10,000 free 6-month subscriptions. This is a step in the right direction, but I would feel better about the company if they had been open to everybody in the first place. 

You can sign up to be notified when Compatible Partners goes live here.

Post from: Blisstree

eHarmony Settles Discrimination Suit

Post from: Blisstree

Another Free eHarmony Weekend

Image by d70focus via Flickr

If you could pick one dating site to use, which would it be?

• eHarmony
• Match
• PlentyOfFish
• True
• Great Expectations
• Yahoo! Personals
• None – I think they all suck.

You can also add your own answer if you have another choice for a favorite.

Post from: Blisstree

Sidebar Poll: If you could pick one dating site to use, which would it be?

Image by d70focus via Flickr

1. No photos. Bad photos. Photos only of a car with some figure standing by it that I can’t see. Photos of a man parasailing, with his body a shadow against the summer sun. Worse? A photo of you with another woman, and I don’t care if it’s your sister or cousin. I don’t care if you’ve cut her out of the pic, either. The bottom line guys is that we want to see what you look like, naturally. Don’t try to hide your double chin, don’t shade out your face because your teeth are a little crooked. Don’t show me your dog or your car and NOT show me YOU. Everyone’s got different things they’re attracted to (or not) and all you’re telling me by not having a good, clear, smiling photo of you is that YOU don’t think you’re worth it. If you’re not worth it, how the hell am I going to be?
2. Old profiles. I love it when we’re in the thick of summer and I read, “With the holidays right around the corner…” about as much as I love going to the dentist. It tells me that you’ve had this thing up for quite some time, and haven’t made any effort to keep it up to date. My brain immediately goes to one of two options: a) You’re so busy “dating” so many women that you don’t care to impress me. or b) You’re so busy with your outside life that you don’t even respond to people or care about finding a girlfriend. Tie this in with the above issue (photos that show they were taken or uploaded years ago) and I’m REALLY not going to be interested.
3. Saying the same old, cliche things like “I enjoy long walks on the beach.” We don’t even HAVE real beaches around here, and that line makes you sound like a 70’s television sitcom to me. I want to know the nitty gritty about you, and I want to know what you REALLY like. Don’t think you can appease me by assuming what I like. Besides, what if I’m allergic to sea water? (I have a friend who is allergic to ANYTHING ocean.) I’m supposed to sit there and think, “Gee, this guy clearly loves the beach, and I can’t go. Maybe I should give it a shot anyway?” Nah. Don’t think so.
4. Using “Rather not say,” or “I’ll tell you later.” You know what? If you can’t be transparent about your marital situation, your child situation, whether or not you smoke, drink, or do drugs? I have no choice but to believe that you’ve got some bad crap to hide, and I want NOTHING to do with that. You can’t be honest on an online dating profile, what makes me think you’ll be honest in a relationship?
5. Back to the photos – Shirtless ones. Yuck. Not for nothing, I love a good, muscular body like the next girl, but guys, you look absolutely arrogant and ridiculous when you post every shirtless photo you own of yourself. You know how guys sometimes say that they like when a woman dresses sexy, not slutty? Well unless the kind of girl you’re seeking is the kind who only wants to put out for a night or two, then you need to leave a little to OUR imaginations. Yes, you work out hard. Yes, you’ve got a nice set of abs/pecs/guns/whatever… but I’m looking for something that goes much deeper than that. If you’re not, say so, so that I can be on my way.

So yeah, these are just a few things that annoy me, as a woman looking for a real relationship, about men’s profiles. I’m sure that some of these things don’t bother the hoochies that are looking to dig into a man’s wallet, or his pants, but yeah, these bother me.

Men, what bothers YOU about women’s profiles?

Ladies, can you add anything?

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Post from: Blisstree

5 Things that bug me about men’s online dating profiles.

Make the first move. If you lead the way, you are more likely to be able to set the tone kissing style-wise.  I know it’s not the traditional way to go about things, but I’m a go-for-it girl from way back and I’ve never kissed someone first and not been glad that I did.  If it’s great – wonderful – if it’s not, well then you decide if you’ve got something to work with. 

Remember that there’s a time and place for everything and an uncomfortable kiss may have less to do with lips and more to do with nerves.  Could he just be nervous?  If so, then give the boy another chance. 

Communicate your kissing desires.  Yes, this can be tricky, but if you say something simple like, “Lets take this slow,” you might find that it works. Try a suggestion, not an actual tutorial, but……..

If things are really not going well, you might send him an anonymous tip to check out French Kissing Resources which features a list of how-to links.

Remember, practice makes perfect.  For more ideas,  I suggest How to Deal With a Bad Kisser – wikiHow  and  5 Ways to Fix a Terrible Kisser.

I wish you good luck and great kisses!

Post from: Blisstree

Help: He’s a Bad Kisser

He was very nice, this guy I met on eHarmony for the first time about a week or so ago. My life is pretty crazy sometimes, and he was sweet, and patient, and had no trouble being the one to “chase” me a little, which is something I’ve secretly wanted to experience more of in my life.

He was born and raised in “The South”, and moved up here to Upstate NY in search of a better career. He was tall, over six-foot, with dark hair and really pretty blue-ish eyes. I finally agreed to meet up with him for dinner, and he took me to a place neither of us had been before, which I think was pretty cool.

I wore a summery dress that I feel utterly fantastic in, with low slingback heels and just a pair of sparkly earrings and a ring on my right hand. He had come from work, and was in a dark green polo shirt and khakis.

We talked, a lot. It was nice, but kind of felt like a battle between who was going to tell the next story. Almost like he couldn’t wait to get stories out of me, and couldn’t wait to share his own. Not that that’s a bad thing, and it can likely be mostly chalked up to some first date jitters, but it was something that stood out to me.

The other thing that really stood out to me, was the fact that I was sitting there the whole time, waiting for that “spark” to happen. I mean, I can hold a conversation with a dirty window if I really want to, so it’s not the ability to communicate “spark” I’m wanting. It’s just… that instantaneous, breath-stealing, arc of electricity that happens when you first lay eyes on someone. No, it’s not a physical attraction thing either. It’s subliminal. Natural. Unpredictable. And yes, I’ve felt it before. Just not this time.

At the end of the date, I offered to pay my half of the meal and being polite and gentlemanly, he refused to allow it. I thanked him, he walked me to the car, I gave him a hug and was on my way.

(Yes, I then picked up the phone and in this order, called my mom, my dad, and two of my best girlfriends. All before I made it back into my driveway.)

The next day there was an eHarmony message, and then later that day an answering machine message. I really WAS busy with a bunch of stuff and the weekend escaped me, as it often does. By Monday morning, I’d also missed another answering machine message, and I realized I needed to say something. But I’ve never had to do that before really. I mean, I’m not a bitch, so I can’t just be all “Yeah, I met someone else, sorry,” or blow him off and not respond, hoping he’ll give up. That’s SUCH a “player” thing to do (and I couldn’t be a player if someone wrote an instruction manual on how). I had to be honest with him.

What he responded with made me feel bad. He said that it was too emotionally taxing on him to get into someone and have them either fall off the face of the Earth or just not even want to try their hand at a friendship. He said he was going to take a break from dating, and eHarmony, and trying to meet someone special. I felt bad for him, because he really IS a nice guy, a great conversationalist, has a good work ethic, and does someday want to be a husband and father. He’s someone’s Prince Charming, just not mine.

So why should I be feeling bad about that? What is it about me, that internalized what this guy said to me, and took it to mean that I hurt him somehow? Why does that bother me so?

Got a “first date” story you want to share?
Email me at lara.kulpa@b5media.com and tell me! I promise to protect the names of the innocent (or share the names of the not-so, if you wish)!

Post from: Blisstree

First Dates #374

Personally, I think the suit is baseless. To be clear I have nothing against homosexuals. Part of the beauty of the web is that there’s a website to cater to any need. I just wonder why the plaintiffs in the eHarmony.com case didn’t just avoid the site and go to Chemistry.com, a competitor.

eHarmony.com was founded by some Christian dude, which is why it originally (and still) offers only “men seeking women” or “women seeking men” why force them to change their ways? I’m not exactly sure which case is this, but the US Supreme Court dismissed a lawsuit against the Boy Scouts of America, which accused the organization of discrimination since it didn’t accept homosexuals.

The majority opinion declared that the BSA shouldn’t be forced to accept people not covered in its “acceptable” list of applicants, but should stand the test of society or something similar. In other words, the Supreme Court realized that the best way to get the BSA to change its apparently discriminatory ways was to leave it to the scrutiny of the society. If society in general wanted homosexuals in the BSA, then the organization would adapt. The same is true for eHarmony.com: if it finds its revenues threatened by its exclusion of homosexuals, then it will probably change its policies.

What do you think of the lawsuit? Feel free to comment below

Post from: Blisstree

Dating Site eHarmony.Com Sued for Discrimination Against Homosexuals

Here’s the commercial that Gayla mentioned in her, Rejected by eHarmony post.

It’s just funny cuz my younger brother mentioned it a while ago when we were chatting and I thought I’d find it on YouTube — and I did!

I guess it’s important that we pick the dating sites that would allow us to follow the idea, “Be Yourself“, right?

Note: This is not an expression that I am (or Dating Dames) for or against any of the dating sites mentioned in the post. They were simply used as an example for the point that I presented in the post. This is not an advertorial.

Post from: Blisstree

“Nope. Still gay.” – Chemistry.com Advert

On her official website moonwashedrose.com, the Hole rocker posted a blog, laden with typing errors, about her vain attempts to find a love match on the internet. ‘Cliermnts ar elike me and there was noone for me.”  (What on EARTH does that mean?  Anyone able to decipher it?)

From what I have read, more and more celebs are trying internet dating.  When you think about it, it would be a great way to get to know someone without revealing who they are until they are sure there’s an interest or not.

source

Post from: Blisstree

Courtney Love looking for love on the internet