I have so many questions about the whole idea of getting engaged and how it seems to occur so suddenly to everyone between the ages of 25 and 30.  I’m wondering if I am completely alone here or if there are others my age who find this whole societal pattern worth investigating…

• Why is there still so much tradition? The sex roles in our country have progressed in so many ways, but the engagement/proposal process seems to be stuck.  Boy buys diamond ring, boy plans cute way to pop the question, girl is surprised, girl says ‘yes’, girls spends a year planning a ceremony with a white dress and colorful bridesmaids.

• Is it primarily the male who decides that ‘it’s time’? Related to the idea of tradition, it seems that the man still proposes to the woman in most cases, so is he the one controlling the decision?

• Is there a level of maturity that humans reach at this age that allows for lifetime companionship?

• Do couples feel rushed or pressured by other couples who are engaged/married?

• Do couples who get engaged during this age range have a higher or lower success rate in marriage as couples who marry at other ages?

• Do we feel like American culture and societal pressures push us to get engaged during this period of our lives?

I am really so happy for all of my friends who are now engaged and I love that they have reached the point in their lives where they have found a perfect mate and are ready to be married, but I just want to understand this cultural tradition a little bit more.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Engagement Seems To Be Contagious

There were definitely the couples who got married right out of college…but those were outliers.  They had been dating since freshman year and it was very expected that they would get married young.  It didn’t cause any big commotion amongst our friends because the wedding was such a great college reunion.  Now is the time when it has really started to become a pattern.

As soon as I realized that this stage of my life had officially begun, I was interested in seeing how those in long term relationships would start to respond.  Couple who have just started dating know that they are a long ways from engagement so they don’t have such a strong reaction.  They see what is going on around them, but know that their situation is different.

Couples who have been dating for a very long time, on the other hand, feel the most pressure.  They wonder what it is that those engaged couples have that they don’t…How did they know that they were ready to take that next step?  Are we waiting for something that isn’t going to happen?  Did we miss the moment where we were supposed to propose?  Are we going to know when we’re ready?  Do people look at us and wonder why we’re not engaged?

I think these worries can cause unneeded and excessive stress on a relationship.  Every couple needs to remember that they are the only ones that really truly understand themselves as a couple and the decisions of others around them are irrelevent.  There is no perfect timeline for dating and then getting engaged and there are no social expectations that anyone needs to feel pressure to conform to.  Some people date for three days and get engaged and some people date for ten years and never get engaged.

Regardless of what your peers are doing, you know what is right for your relationship and you will know when the time is right to take that next step forward.  Be introspective, talk to your significant other, and make the right decisions for you.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Why Is Everyone Else Getting Engaged?

A few weeks ago, watched a segment on Cougars, presented by Kristen Schaal, on the Daily Show. It was clever and I found the over-the-top comments such as – I’m paraphrasing here – take her in the back and make out with her or she’ll never get to sleep tonight, funny. The “Cougar” was a woman in her 50s, lovely and well-coiffed. Schaal had her “assistant” place her on John Stewart’s lap and he was instructed to pet her. Stewart appeared very uncomfortable, part of the skit, of course. The idea was to demonstrate how inappropriate it was to label women. Okay, I get it.

Yes, labels aren’t great, but “Cougar” seems kind of flattering to me. Now something like The Saggy Baggy Elephant, that would be offensive. Cougars are sleek, beautiful, and dangerous. When I picture the animal, I see a cat that moves with grace and flair, on the prowl.

Labels, they are all around us. We label what we like best or least. We label things healthy or unhealthy. We label good or bad. Every company out there is trying to somehow fit within the label, green. Labels are just another way to organize things in our heads, our lives.

As labels go, I wouldn’t mind being considered a Cougar at all. My guy is younger than me, well one year, so perhaps I don’t fit the definition, but in the past I’ve gone out with guys more than 10 years younger.

What do you think about calling women “Cougars?” Are you offended by the term? I’m really interested in how other men and women view this current trend, so if you have an opinion, please leave me a comment.

Post from: Blisstree

Cougars – Okay or Offensive?

So, how did you spend it?

I can think of possible things that you guys might have done. Spend a gazillion amounts of money on roses (we can all agree that they’re more expensive around that period of time), romantic dinners and or getaways, sappy love letters — anonymous or not — declaring your eternal love, etc etc. We all try to be original and flamboyant in our acts of love cuz it is a day especially set for LOVE.

So, you want to know how I spent mine? (Check out the photo after the fold)

Oh, the joy. LOL.

The joys of pulling a prank, which I’m still hoping that it won’t cause people, who fell for it, to kill me. Ack. But those who did find out that it was not a real engagement photo (yes, I’m NOT engaged) were good sports and we all had a good laugh. Even my bestfriend fell for it, mind you! LOL. It was all in good fun. I know April Fool’s is still months away. I only thought that a photo op (thanks to my friend Sophie, who fell in love with my 50mm prime lens) we did one night was a good idea for Valentine’s Day post.

You can check out the comment thread on the original post found in my personal blog: Best Way to Spend Valentine’s Day

I hope you had a love-filled day anyway!

Post from: Blisstree

How did you spend your Valentine’s Day?

Grand being the operative word, might I suggest the following restaurants then?

Blogger note: You have got to have dough more than the average joe. Teehee.

Top 10 of the World’s Most Expensive Restaurants

1. Aragawa in Tokyo, Japan
2. Arpege in Paris, France
3. Eigensinn Farm in Toronto, Canada
4. Sketch – The Lecture Room and Library in London, England
5. Petermann’s Kunststuben in Zurich, Switzerland
6. Tetsuya’s Restaurant in Sydney, Australia
7. Vitrum in Berlin, Germany
8. Steirereck in Vienna, Austria
9. Yamazato in Amsterdam, Netherlands
10. Zalacain in Madrid, Spain

There are other restaurants in the list that are found in Brussels, Milan, Rome, Dubai, Moscow, Rio de Janeiro, etc.

I know this may require an additional travelling expense but, hey, she sure can’t say you’re a cheapskate, huh?

This grand date idea is courtesy of Forbes.com.

Post from: Blisstree

Restaurant Ideas for that Uber-grand Date

Flickr is a digital photo sharing website and web services suite, and an online community platform, which is generally considered an example of a Web 2.0 application. [Wikipedia]

In his post, he narrated the relevant events in their relationship like how and where they met online, how, when and where they met offline, and, finally, news of their engagement that happened a few days ago. Of course, he also provided links to photos that can help give us a picture of how real they are. [You can check the post here.]

Now, Happy Dave is truly happy and even extends his gratitude to the very existence of Flickr, without which he wouldn’t have Princess Valium in his life.

Well done, Flickr!

And congratulations to the couple!

*Thanks for the tip, Matt.

Post from: Blisstree

An Engagement At Flickr

I can’t say that the following are still currently being practiced by all, but I reckon some still do.

• “Harana“
  Serenade
  Armed with just a guitar or their voices, the suitor, oftenly accompanied by his friends, posts under the girl’s window or in front of her residence and serenades her. This is their way of publicly admitting their intention. This marks the start of the courtship.
• “Pag-akyat ng ligaw“
  Visitation
  This refers to the over-all act of courtship if you are to use the native language. However, this only forms a portion of the whole process since what I’m actually talking about is the act of visiting or calling on her in her home. This is a sign of respect especially for the parents since it’s somewhat forbidden or frowned upon when a guy would come up to a girl in public. Chaperones are mandatory.
• “Paninilbihan“
  Servitude

  Once a guy declares his intention of courting a girl, he is expected to render some service, particularly household chores, i.e. chopping of wood, fetching pails of water from a manual pump, for the duration of the courtship.

• “Pamamanhikan“
  Meet the Parents

  Alright, so I’m thinking of the movie but, hey, it’s the same idea, only bigger and it’s a party since we’re pretty big on extended families here. Hahaha. The guy and his family are expected to come over to the girl’s house and present some gifts. So, yea. This is the last step in the whole courtship thingie. It leads to marriage because that’s what it means when you go into the whole thing, that you want to marry the girl you’re going to court. So, you’re as good as engaged when it has been established and agreed upon that the feelings are mutual.

Whenever I hear stories that best illustrate these, I can’t help but smile. I hardly see any of them happening nowadays so when they do I relish on how some still value what make us Filipinos. So when I heard that my cousin did the “meet the parents” thingie over the weekend, I was happy to hear it.

Post from: Blisstree

Traditions in Philippine Courtship

I’ll state the obvious: Acquaintance, Friends, Dating, Exclusivity, Moving In, Engagement and then, lastly, Marriage. These are the levels that partners generally go through. I hope I didn’t miss anything. Anyway, some levels are skipped and they even have ’sub-levels’ like in terms of intimacy, physical and what not. Though, I can’t help but wonder, how important levels are to individuals in the dating scene?

For individuals who consider it important, several questions come to mind that I would like to find answers to:

How do couples decide to move to the next level? i.e., How do you take frequent dates to become exclusive?

Are there conditions that have to be met in order to move up a notch?

It may seem strange to some of you, people, but there are individuals out there who are totally clueless about it. You do have to admit, dating is a combination of art and science. I mean — you can’t apply an exact formula to guarantee smooth sailing nor can you just adopt a ‘wing it’ attitude, if you catch my drift. Levels measure progress towards a goal, a science. The process involved often require pure instinct, it is after all an emotion we’re dealing with thus making it an art.

Anyway, that’s a totally different matter we can talk about on another day. For now, I’ll leave you to ponder on my questions.

Post from: Blisstree

Level Up!

Over the years I’ve had several relationships. Some resulted in engagements – yes, there have been a few.

For me, an engagement wasn’t so much a marriage proposal, but more of a promise to explore an exclusive relationship with one man. That ring on my finger was more a symbol to the world that I was dedicated to one relationship. If the relationship survived a period of exclusivity, I would then consider marriage. However, I found that within the first year I could get a true sense of whether or not I could live with that person or not. Although it may have been different for the man – I knew!

Of those few engagements – one lasted a couple of months, one lasted 3 years (before I gave up on setting a date) – and one man I dated for 4 years without a mention of marriage at all. When my high school sweetheart and I reunited after 20 years, I think we may have had one of the shortest engagements on record before marrying 3 months later.

So who is to say what’s right or wrong?

Personally, I feel that people should date exclusively for at least one year. Something about the person and their transition through the various seasons had some bearing on their personality and moods that would give me a clear indication of whether or not the person was right for me.

Getting engaged is one thing, setting a date and getting married is another.

Do you really think that people who date longer have longer happier marriages?

If you were engaged, how long would you be willing to wait before setting a date?

Post from: Blisstree

Engagements – Long or Short?