He is currently back with his ex, who is the mother of his youngest child. They were split for a long time, most of two years, unless of course, they were not and he just said that they were. I would not have known the difference – we live in different states and he was the one who traveled to visit me.

He has her listed as “complicated” on Facebook. Not “in a relationship with.” Just “complicated.”  I think that sucks. Either do it or don’t. Doesn’t she deserve that?

I spent almost a year of our relationship waiting on him. He’d disappear every once in awhile, then come back and be fine. It was confusing and depressing and I think I drove everyone who loves me crazy by putting up with him.

I recently read the book, He’s Just Not That Into You, by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. I read it at a point when I had not heard from him for a few months. I wanted to let go, but for some weird reason, I could not. The book opened my eyes.

It’s very simple really. If he does not call you, he’s not into you. If he does not pursue you, he’s not into you. If you have to make excuses for him, he’s not into you. If you have to put any sort of extra effort in and he does not immediately fall all over you, then he is not into you. If he says, “it’s complicated,” then he’s not into you.

I wish that the book was required ready for all women, everywhere. I found it that helpful. And there’s this sense of peace in knowing that yeah, it really IS him and he’s a bit of a jerk. Well, actually, to use my ex-boyfriend’s own words when finally apologizing for his behavior, he’s “a creep.”

If you or anyone you know is in love with a man who is rude or absent or just plain destructive to a woman’s soul, then read this book, because if a man is into you, he’s not going to hurt you. He is going to move heaven and Earth to be with you and you will definitely be sure of his feelings.

Image credit: Barnes and Noble.com

Post from: Blisstree

I Think He’s Just Not That Into Her

I think this is important, for lots of reasons. In my own life, I’ve been made keenly aware that my ex is treating his new girlfriend far better than he treated me. I like to think that it’s because he hurt me so much, and knows it, that maybe this girl will be spared. You know, that I suffered for her joy? It’s twisted, I know… because most women in my shoes might feel that it’s unfair, or that neither the ex or the new girl deserve to be happy. While I can’t say that those feelings haven’t crossed my heart, I also like to think that everyone deserves at least a chance at happiness. Whether they take it or not, or deserve it or not, depends on what they may or may not do with that chance should it come their way.

Sure, the way he treated me was undeserved, and it truly does say a lot about his capabilities for being unkind, regardless if he’s currently being unkind or not. Personally, I could never be so hurtful to another human being. So what Bonnie said is right – it’s a thread of his personality that isn’t in place in mine. I feel good knowing that. And if I sit here and let my mind go crazy with thoughts of “Why her, and not me?” then I might as well just pack it up and call it a day because no one, not even he, can explain the answer to that question with any ounce of clarity.

I know that I could sit here and be bitter, I could beat myself up for being too good to him (especially when he didn’t deserve it), for allowing him to do the damage he did to me. Or I can decide that all the bad stuff was only because of my failure to want to see the bad in anyone. I really do believe that there are people out there who are inherently kind to others, and that someday my prince will come. Meanwhile, I’m going to keep working on being the fabulous woman that I am.

In light of yesterday’s holiday of thanks, be thankful for who you are, for the experiences that have both changed you and kept you solid, and for each time you’re reminded that it’s not your fault things went wrong.

(image: Lara @ Dating Dames)

Post from: Blisstree

When He Moves On and Treats Her Better

Image by Shutterhack via Flickr

Other times, I find myself thinking, “Dammit, I deserve to be in love.”

Then I think, “Well, you’ve been in love, Lara. It’s never been anything but awful in return. Why bother?”

Sometimes I hate how other people who really don’t deserve to be happy, are.

Other times I feel like maybe their happiness is God’s way of making them be less like a piece of total poo in life. It’s handed to them for inspiration, for change, for growth.

Maybe I’m seriously okay where I am, with who I am. How is that possibly a bad thing? I thought that the best relationships came from two people who were completely comfortable in their own skins (metaphorically speaking, and physically speaking). I thought that even though I’m not “the perfect woman” that someday some less-than-perfect-guy would find me, and we could be perfect for each other.

I know, I’m rambling. It’s 630 in the morning, I’ve been up for over 2 hours for some reason (I think I’m coming down with a cold) and my brain is just full of mixed up emotions.

Add to that, I’ve discovered that it’s possible my ex has a new girlfriend. He’s the biggest prick on the planet, and he’s got a new girlfriend. From what I hear, she’s a sweetheart, too. Like, really a genuinely nice person. Part of me thinks, “Oh shit, he’s going to ruin another good woman,” and the other part of me thinks, “What if she’s the one who changes him? What if she succeeds in proving to him that love is worth it, when I couldn’t do that? What would that say about me? Would it prove I’m not worth it?”

Just major amounts of emotions going through me, and before you start thinking that I’m not over my ex, believe me, I totally am. I wouldn’t take him back if he really DID make a 180. But I don’t know if I’m over all that he did to me… all that I allowed to go down in our relationship. Oh, and the fact that our would-have-been-a-year-anniversary was two days ago means nothing.

Really.

Post from: Blisstree

Miscellaneous ramblings of a frustrated heart

Image: davidandgoliathtees.com

So, okay. He broke your heart. He’s been manipulative. He’s made a fool out of you. Yes. Go dump his sorry ass. We fully support you!

But here’s an idea. Why don’t you top it off by sending him a gift that’s carefully wrapped and bearing a tag that says “Good riddance!”? What would you give just to see his face when he opens it and sees this shirt?

Mr. Liar, one of the Little Losers from David & Goliath.

On second thought, why bother? I reckon he’s not worth the dollars you’ll spend on the said gift. All 24 of them. LOL.

Post from: Blisstree

Gift Idea for the Ex-Boyfriend

Personally, I can’t help but point out that wasn’t it enough that he and I have hurt each other to the point that we had to part ways? Why do we have to re-live the pain over and over AND over? The hurting stops here. I refuse to let another day pass by with the thought of possibility that the ex can (and most probably will) materialise and find a way to hurt me again.

Incidentally, I’m going to throw a few questions out there, all in the hope of finding some clarity. If your ex can affect you, regardless of degree, does it mean anything? Can you really be friends with an ex? Does an ex seek to hurt you (or is it all in my head)?

About the last question, I just think that sometimes, an ex can be too selfish that he or she can’t let the other person move on and be happy. Is it foolish to hope that this ex has it in him to treat you in a manner that reflects the “love” you guys had even when you’re no longer together? Yea, I’m not holding my breath.

Post from: Blisstree

When the Ex Keeps on Haunting You

It’s funny how things are quiet and simple for a long time (think, years) then all of a sudden, you’d feel like the rug got pulled from under you. Lying there on the floor, you’d question fate, “WTF is going on?” Part of you wants to just laugh it off and the other wants to scream away the distraction. You can’t help but think (screaming in your head, mind you) about the probabilities that these sort of things would happen in your lifetime.

A friend shared her story of hearing from an ex of three years ago, a guy she jilted. Apparently, he seeks her hand once more but she gracefully declined. There were too many complications that time is vital in order to come up with a decent answer. So, yea, there’s still a possibility of a reconciliation between the two but it’s not 100% certain.

A week after that ordeal, it was my turn to tell her that MY ex came back into the picture. He’s not after my hand, though. Thank God. But simply being in close proximity in my new world, i.e. instant messenger apps and social networking sites, somewhat threw me off. Gawd. We’ve lost contact and never tried to re-connect for the last four years! Imagine how much we both must have changed.

During this time, the ex of the guy I’m currently seeing also came into the picture via a certain social networking site feature. To further explain that bit, this site allows the account holder to see who has been checking his or her site. And, lo and behold, the ex was on the list, not only on his account but on mine, too, and quite recent visits, too! It seems that she’s overly curious about her ex and the girl he’s currently seeing (me!). Heh.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

I just observed that these incidents happened within close intervals, which led me to surmise that it somehow is a season that exes re-surface. Or am I making a silly assumption?

Well, if these things are of coincidental in nature, I wonder if there’s an actual study on the when’s and the why’s this kind of thing happen. Is it possible that exes can detect if the other is now happy and on the road of forgetting them?

What would push an ex to explore the possibility of contacting the other?

My guesses would be:

• Curiosity
• Regret
• Missing the other person
• Closure

Which one is it? What do you think? Thoughts?

Post from: Blisstree

‘Tis the Season of the Exes

It’s one of the options for SMS or text messages you can send to your Ex as a form of revenge at the website, getrevengeonyourex.com

A bit harsh, wouldn’t you say? You should see the rest. Gah.

When I came across the site, it made me laugh a little. I found it ludicrous that something like it exists. But I got to give him for tapping into this kind of, er, market. It made me wonder if any of you would consider availing this service to “get revenge on your ex”?

Post from: Blisstree

Just how far will you go to get revenge?