Let me briefly paint a picture hopefully to define each:

Involved

You want to be in the relationship. You want to be a part of the other person’s life and vice versa. You are present in the relationship with all good intentions. You are after the results (short or long term). Your decisions are based on what will get you those results.

Committed

You are all those things an involved partner are. However, you take it a couple of steps more. How? You would never give up on the relationship nor your partner. You will see things through. You will finish what you started. You sacrifice without resentment. You are after the achievement of the goal. Your decisions are based on your core principles.

Knowing who you are in that relationship you’re in will help you see things in a different light. It’s not all about self-love or self-preservation. It’s not about waning passions or exhaustion. It’s about how you define love. It’s about how well-founded your principles are. You find fulfillment in knowing you are willing to take care of the good things that you have in your life.

Perhaps when you find out which one you are you’ll finally realise why all the relationships (and probably the sort of work you produce) you were ever in fell through.

You don’t want to wake up one day and find that you have all the things you have worked hard for and yet you still feel the emptiness. Yea, you are with someone but you know you will give up when you want to.

Better decide which one you are and you’ll feel so much better.

Post from: Blisstree

Involved or Committed?

For couples, there are lines that are either expected to exist or intentionally drawn. These lines are applicable to any relationship outside your relationship, ones that either directly or indirectly affects. There are reasons why they’re there:

For Safety
The line is set to take active steps to protect oneself, as a partner in a relationship. Or it’s drawn to protect the relationship itself.

For Clarity
Think parameters. It sets the limits and expectations, which will help the couple reach a better understanding of each other’s roles.

For Security
The knowledge of the line’s existence will cradle each partner into the belief which will allow them to be comfortable and build on the trust. Companionship in itself should provide the feeling of security, however, lines are drawn to secure responsible actions from the partners.

The lines are set to differentiate certain areas of the relationship, i.e. girls’ night out or poker night. If you choose to cross the line, you do it on your own risk. If we use another illustration, it can be anything that can be classified as pet peeves or deal breakers, i.e. girlfriends talking directly to your man (establishing closeness, singling him out to the point wherein they share private jokes you’re not aware of). Of course, I’m talking about consequences of crossing the said line. These lines defines the exclusivity factor of a relationship.

Oh, here’s a good example: lines are drawn upon marriage. A much bigger line, if I may add. There are lines wherein single women cannot cross when it comes to dealing with married men. Though, sometimes, the bigger the line, the bigger the temptation to cross it. Quite silly, huh?

Post from: Blisstree

Lines are there for a Reason

Here’s an excerpt from the post to give you a better idea of what to expect:

For example, this Monday, they were discussing marrying and breaking up and age. One of the morning sidekicks (I dub him), NotMetrosexual was saying how he had gone to a wedding during his vacation the past week with his girlfriend. It was her best friend (the groom) who was getting married. She lives in the area of the wedding (not in DC) and is on a contract that will be ending soon, and she mentioned that she would need to find a new contract, so that she’s not out of work. The conversation progressed to the point where NotMetrosexual asked his girlfriend to come and move in with him. It then moved even further with them both agreeing that they might be the one for each other. The next logical step would be happy hearts and shiny faces all around, right…wrong. At the end of the day this couple was no more. The reason, they thought they were too young and hadn’t sown enough wild oats.

NotSamantha also mentions the danger that the society is heading for the direction of an “instant gratification” preference.

No one wants to work at relationships anymore. If things don’t work out, it’s easier to just move on. I’m seeing it more and more in everyday things as well. Don’t like your job, no problem, you can find a new one tomorrow. Angry with your friends, don’t try and fix the problem just ignore it and them and it will all go away. Don’t want to parent your children, that’s easy just turn the tv on and instant babysitter.

This is something that we ought to really consider. Relationships are a big deal and are integral to our every day life. I suggest that you read the post, ‘Youth is wasted on the young’ and you’ll understand how important it is for you to learn that, in relationships, you really have to work at it — perseveringly. That’s how having a commitment works.

Post from: Blisstree

Relationships: You Have To Work At It

Discovering Intimacy
You will find the relationship fresh and sweet… and poignant. It, sometimes, is scary esp when you’ve been so used to just taking care of yourself, however, you’ll soon realise that this area of companionship brings a certain feeling of belongingness that you can’t find nowhere else.

Building Intimacy
Listen. She will tell you secrets. She will tell you her problems. She will share her life’s story with you. She will talk about her dreams.

Accept. He will show you a side of him that no one else (or a select few perhaps) knows about him.

Trust. He will open himself to vulnerability like you would.

Ruining Intimacy
Judging. He seeks acceptance and assurance not “I-told-you-so” sermons.

Nonchalance. She seeks attention and care.

Overbearing. The relationship is about mutual growth and a teacher-student or “acting like a mum” can limit the honesty and candidness that true closeness offers.

Flippancy. Every individual have varying takes on the intensity of a situation or emotion. Each should respect the other and avoid dismissing something that, on your standards, you consider simple and irrelevant.

Embracing Intimacy
You will see the other’s weakness. You will celebrate each other’s strengths. Cry if you need to. Rejoice if you must. Intimacy is about giving more of yourself to the other, somewhat filling in what he or she lacks. Intimacy will enrich your character, your relationship and your outlook in life. It’s always a good thing, intimacy. It’s the tipping point in your relationship.

Be glad that you have it. Ask yourself why, if you don’t.

Post from: Blisstree

Beginner’s Guide to Intimacy

I bet I didn’t make sense, eh? Teehee.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that in dating, I’ve observed, you simply can’t generalise or, better yet, box everything in and package it as a fact. I learned that you’ve got to leave room for it to breathe and grow. No pressure. No force. Just sit back and let nature take its course. Sheesh. I think I sound like a cliche.

Dating is filled with myths and theories that you need to test each one every friggin’ time especially if you’re as cynical about it as I am. But on my trek in this eventful and, sometimes, silly world of dating, I’ve stumbled upon some simple thoughts I’d like to share.

• Small things count.
• Communicating works wonders.
• Teach yourself to trust the person your dating.
• Manipulation will only serve your desires half-baked on a tarnished platter.
• “Needing” is different from “wanting”.

I’m relatively new at the whole relationship thingie since I’ve been out of it for quite a long time. I’m seeing that it somewhat resembles how people embrace technology into their lifestyle, you’ve got to keep yourself posted with the trends and the “market” behaviour, so to speak. There are things done now that were non-existent — or was it that I was just clueless? — before. You simply have to adjust. But, hey, it’s good to learn something new everyday, right?

Care to share an insight or two of your own?

Post from: Blisstree

Simple Thoughts on Dating

It’s a shame to admit to but I’m kinda lost here.

Personally, I think that when you go into a dating relationship, it doesn’t automatically mean that it’s in an “exclusive” status. Being part of that situation will not mean that the two are a couple… right?

Firstly, you go through the “getting to know you” stage without the real responsibility of taking care of each other’s business and then you establish some sort of routine when you go further into the relationship.

You still get asked to go out on dates without the presumption that the other’s schedule will always be free. And, I guess, there’s no apparent claim or “rights” on each other’s personal spaces.

However, when you come to that point wherein it is expressed that the two of you are exclusively dating, I reckon, certain liberties are lifted and expectations are now set.

BUT —

What if you learn that even when the two of you are no longer seeing anyone else, he or she is still NOT your boyfriend or girlfriend? Yes. You find out that you can’t tell anyone else that you guys are a couple cuz, er, you’re not.

Eh?

I’m confused. Is that even logical?

I need your thoughts.

Post from: Blisstree

Exclusivity in Dating, What does it mean?

Are you still on cloud nine? Still can’t stop grinning and giggling? Ah, well. That’s what I’d like to call the ticklish affection. Hahaha. Of course, I made it up. Nobody else uses it — uh, right?

Okay, my question is —

Coming from a casual dating relationship, how can you tell if you’re about to enter or actually in a serious relationship with the other person?

I reckon there’s a fine line that separates the two especially when there’s no actual “talk” that took or will take place. Every move has or will be done according to the “let’s see what happens” attitude and yea, before you know it, you’ve got yourself a boyfriend or girlfriend! Hahaha.

I just thought I’d throw this question in and hopefully, get a good enough insight from you guys. Let me know what you think!

Post from: Blisstree

When you’re just starting out

I’ll state the obvious: Acquaintance, Friends, Dating, Exclusivity, Moving In, Engagement and then, lastly, Marriage. These are the levels that partners generally go through. I hope I didn’t miss anything. Anyway, some levels are skipped and they even have ’sub-levels’ like in terms of intimacy, physical and what not. Though, I can’t help but wonder, how important levels are to individuals in the dating scene?

For individuals who consider it important, several questions come to mind that I would like to find answers to:

How do couples decide to move to the next level? i.e., How do you take frequent dates to become exclusive?

Are there conditions that have to be met in order to move up a notch?

It may seem strange to some of you, people, but there are individuals out there who are totally clueless about it. You do have to admit, dating is a combination of art and science. I mean — you can’t apply an exact formula to guarantee smooth sailing nor can you just adopt a ‘wing it’ attitude, if you catch my drift. Levels measure progress towards a goal, a science. The process involved often require pure instinct, it is after all an emotion we’re dealing with thus making it an art.

Anyway, that’s a totally different matter we can talk about on another day. For now, I’ll leave you to ponder on my questions.

Post from: Blisstree

Level Up!