The View Hot Topic: “Would you let your boy play with dolls?”

“No way,” Sherry Shepherd said Wednesday. “I’d take a doll away! I don’t want my boy playing with dolls, I want him growing up like a man.”

Elizabeth chimes in that she would “take the baby doll away and replace it with a GI Joe.”

It’s an attitude that defies logic.

When boys play with baby dolls they are emulating the caring and nurturing behavior they see in their Daddies. Lucky kids get caring and nurturing from their Daddies. Thank goodness mine do.

To forbid baby dolls is the same as calling caring, nurturing and compassionate feelings and behavior “girly,” “feminine” or “gay.”

We all want Daddies and Husbands to show us – and our children – caring, compassion, empathy and nurturing.

How many wives are hurt when husbands don’t come through with behaviors that exhibit these emotions? But, we defeat future wives and children by banning the learning activities that teach such feelings and behavior to little boys?

That’s not fair to men and it backfires on women.

If you want a boy to grow up to be a kind Husband and Father give him a baby doll and condition him to feel and act compassionately and empathetically toward that doll. Teach him how to cook and do laundry. Put a play kitchen in his room. Encourage the playing of “Mommy and Daddy” or “House”.

When he grows up he won’t be gay.

He’ll be a loving Daddy and make some woman a strong and emotionally available Husband.

Image: “Zack – Future Husband and Father of the Year” courtesy Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me

Post from: Blisstree

Boys and Dolls

I’m proud of my country because we can admit that we were tragically WRONG for participating in slavery and bigotry and that it still carries consequences to this day.

I’m proud of my country because this year we’re deciding we’re done with our long history of racism and sexism.

I’m proud of my country because this year we’re determined that in the richest nation in the world we can afford healthcare for all of our people.

I’m proud of my country because this is the year that we’re going to pass a Family Leave Insurance Act< /em>, allowing the time families need to deal with birth and illness without nosediving into poverty.

Post from: Blisstree

I’m Proud Of My Country

Did anyone watch Barbara Walter’s interview with Charlie Gibson on ABC last night?

I wanted to weep with gratitude for what she’s done for women.

After watching old clips of her most famous interviews with some of the most powerful leaders, infamous criminals, and biggest stars of the world Charlie asked Barbara about her interview style.

Barbara’s interview style, in my opinion, could be characterized as feminine. She does not interview like a man. She hardly ever asks direct or confrontational questions. She is very demure and passive in her body language and behaves in a word, like a “Lady.”

That’s the secret to her success as the first woman in television journalism.

I was reading a New Yorker Talk of the Town Column titled “Going Positive,” by Dorothy Wickenden.

The column looks back at the 1988 election in which George H.W. Bush’s campaign manager studied The Art of War, by Sun Tzu, to beat Michael Dukakis. He ran two vicious ads with caricatures of Dukakis’s running mate depicted as a black escaped murderer and another of Dukakis himself on a tank depicted like Rocky the Flying Squirrel.

End of career for Dukakis. All is fair in love and war was the feeling of the American people and George Bush #1 lost no love and won.

A few weeks ago I was having lunch with a friend who said she has a negative emotional response when she sees Hillary stand up to her contestants and to criticism.

In effect, she said she’s from the South and women aren’t supposed to be so aggressive and bold like Hillary is in public. If they are, bad things happen – like being socially shunned or being criticized or called a bitch or whore. When she watches Hillary be so confident and bold and “unladylike” she suffers anxiety in the pit of her stomach as she waits to witness the inevitable fallout women face when they act like that.

I too have that feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The New Yorker examines why Hillary Clinton’s similar campaign tactics resulted in public support in 1988, but in public backlash in 2008. (Interestingly, The New Yorker attributes the nastiness of the Bush campaign to the campaign manager, but the nastiness of Hillary rests squarely on Hillary herself.) According to one cited public poll 68% of voters thought Hillary was attacking Barack Obama unfairly.

“Nobody seems to know what to make of all this, but one thing does seem clear in the aberrant election of ‘08: Barack Obama and John McCain lifted themselves above the pack, despite enormous odds, largely because they pledged to be civil,” The New Yorker reports.

Really? Is that clear?

What is clear to me is that it is still socially unacceptable for women to speak boldly, directly, aggressively and with confidence. It is still socially unacceptable for women to play men’s games by men’s rules, which see being mean as fair play. They must play men’s games by playing feminine roles.

As my Barack Obama supporting husband put it, I think she’s just being mean.

Women are no more accepting of a woman stepping out of feminine roles than men are. Witness millions of women who obviously would prefer a “charming man” to a “strong woman” precisely because of the anxiety in the pit of their stomachs. This anxiety that makes women simultaneously pray she wins to change the rules for women and hope she loses so they can stop feeling so damn uncomfortable about their own place in society.

Yet, here’s Hillary’s trap: Barbara’s strategy of “nice” would never have worked for Hillary in this election. Nice looks charming on a man like Barrack Obama because strength is automatically assumed of his gender. Nice looks weak on a woman where strength is assumed contradictory to her gender.

We’re a nation at war and Americans claim they want military strength from their next president. Barbara can afford to get chummy with fascist dictator Fidel Castro (as pictured above). Hillary needs to show us she can kick his ass if she has to. The job requires some “mean”.

As far as Barack Obama and John McCain being “above the fray and staying positive,” I’d say it’s not a matter of their superior character. The rest of the media simply made it unnecessary for them to get their hands dirty.

There has been so much negative media about Hillary’s womanness these two men didn’t have to lift a finger to have Bush #1’s Art of War tactics work for their campaigns.

Search the media images in your head and you’ll find one in which Hillary is depicted as an actual ball breaking nutcracker; nude on a magazine cover; a caricature (strikingly similar to that of Dukakis riding a tank) as an weak idiot woman riding a tank with water pistols; references to her being so sexually undesirable not even her own husband wants her; and references to bombing her vagina.

What we have here are three equally-flawed politicians, but only one of them is being held to the standard of the feminine ideal with its unrealistic expectation for perfection.

Image source: Newscom.com

Post from: Blisstree

Hillary & Barbara

Did you all see Barbara Walters on Oprah yesterday?

Just the sight of these two trailblazers for women in the media made me a little teary. I was so proud of both of them. So grateful too.

Was anyone else as fascinated by their candid discussion about having affairs with married men?

In case you missed the news, Barbara had an affair with the first black Senator, Edward Brooke. Her affair inspired him to ask for a divorce. The divorce caused Brooke not to be reelected.

Did you notice how both of these highly successful women felt deeply that it was worse to be economically dependent on a man than having an affair with a married one?

Barbara said she didn’t regret the affair, which was exciting and wonderful. She regretted that Brooke, who was a wonderful Senator, didn’t get reelected.

I found the entire interview fascinating actually. Usually Barbara is such a closed book. I found what she had to say about both Rosie O’Donnell and Star Jones to be balanced and positive.

I definitely want to read her book Audition: A Memoir

Image Source: Newscom.com

Post from: Blisstree

Barbara Walter’s Bi-Racial Affair

I know you thought you’d never hear these words from me, but I agree with Elisabeth Hasselbeck’s take on the banning of tag and other “aggressive” playground play.

One of the lessons I’ve taken from Randy Pausch, the man who’s teaching us how to boldly face down death by focusing on life with The Last Lecture, is: If you wait long enough everyone will show you they have positive value.

I don’t usually agree with Elisabeth. But, on the issue of aggresive playground play, including tag which has recently been outlawed at recess in many areas – I 100% agree.

Why are we expecting children to grow up without bruises, scrapes or bumps?

When I was in elementary school there was no playground equipment for a while. They made a really big hill of dirt. We called it The Mountain and found a million ways to hold hands and propel, twirl, roll, hop, skip and push each other off The Mountain. This all ended the second some kid broke an arm. We were no longer allowed to play on the hill.

As children we knew the value of being allowed to continue our play outweighed the risk of broken bones.

Why can’t adults get that simple concept?

Joy’s idea that we should approach 3 year olds with psychoanalysis and role reversal is simply stupid. Sometimes we do need to step back and let kids work stuff out for themselves.

Elisabeth’s idea that children work out their problems on the playground and that kids benefit from aggressive play and learn to get along in this hand-ons way is right on. I too think kids do learn something from being bullied, teased or and getting knocked around a little.

We want to limit and supervise it, but like Elisabeth, I don’t think restricting all aggressive and active play is a good way to handle childhood. Don’t we already have enough problems with lazy children who only watch tv and play video games?

As Whoopi said, YOU call it fighting. THEY are playing!

There. See? Randy was right, I can agree with everyone about at least one thing.

Post from: Blisstree

Elisabeth’s Right On

Post from: Blisstree

5 stupid things Elisabeth said on Jezabel.com

Funny, she seemed so much calmer and less hysterical when it was Rev. Ted Haggard, the former president of the National Association of Evangelicals that admitted to buying drugs and getting a sexual massage.

When it was the gay-hating Republican pastor she thought it was tragic such a great man had fallen in the face of temptation, but she believed in his redemption and she believed in his apology.

Now the democrat is a power hungry politician whose apology is meaningless and useless to her.

So transparent Elisabeth.

Post from: Blisstree

Elisabeth, sheesh

I missed her.

There, I said it.

I loath her politics, I’m jealous of her position and stunning beauty and ease in which she makes her way in the world effortlessly.

But, The View is not The View without her. The guests are boring because they are not inflammatory and Republican enough. It’s the different opinions that make The View exciting.

Welcome Back Elisabeth.

Wait . . . she opened her mouth and now I hate her again. She just has that effect on me.

Post from: Blisstree

Elisabeth Is Back, I Missed Her

There are about 2 weeks left in 2007 and before you go making resolutions for 2008 (looking at what is wrong and what still needs changing), how about a little self-praise about 2007?

It’s been one of the Best Year Ever for me. Extra-ordinarily productive.

• I quit smoking with Chantix.
• I started writing again.
• I started So Sioux Me to inspire mothers to empower their daughters.
• I took over Blog Fabulous and tripled the page views.  
• I helped literally thousands of smokers to quit smoking.
• I started  Quit Coping to encourage even more smokers to be quitters.
• I learned to exercise and eat right, losing 30 pounds and 4 jeans sizes, not to mention conquering depression.
• I coached my daughter’s soccer team, successfully changing the name from Bratz to Happy Feet.
• Helped Ambrea, my mentee to go from academic failure to success. Encouraged her to use her gift as a singer to join the church and school choir.
• Started Between The Covers - a bookclub that soothes my soul.
• Bought our first home.
• Paid off all debt (excluding my student loan) w/Dave Ramsey’s plan.
• Took over the household bills and budget.
• Bought mini-van with cash.
• Worked to transform marriage.
• Learned The Secret and how to Attract what I want.
• Made some new friends, reunited with some old ones and been far less codependent in my relationships.

Now, it’s your turn. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia is the book of the season. You’ll want to make your New Year’s Resolutions after you read it. But, first, please pat yourself on the back and focus on something you did right in 2007.

Leave your self-praise in the comments and I’ll mail the hat-drawn winner my extra copy of Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia.

Contest closes on Sunday at midnight. I’ll announce the winner Monday morning.

Post from: Blisstree

Eat, Pray, Love Contest

Elisabeth’s only going on maternity leave. Somehow hubby Tim is moving to Arizona and she’s taking maternity leave and then coming back to New York? Commuter family. Is that what “Conservative Republicans” do now?

Did you see how disrespectful Elisabeth was to Nancy Pelosi, the first female Speaker of the House?

Maybe Barbara had a chat with her about that, because she wasn’t quite so rude to Hillary Clinton, future President of the United States.

Switching topics, but only kind of, I suppose it was naive of me to hope that Americans could have a woman run for President without sexually exploiting her left and right.

Did you see the Radar magazine cover showing a Photoshopped picture of Hillary and Barack nude? (above)

Then you have the comments section in the article, with truly enlightened Americans saying sexually derogatory things about Hillary’s sexual desirability like: Poor Hillary I’ll bet she wishes she could have more than one man

I consider myself pretty difficult to offend, but some time around 2006 I got tired of being shocked every time I stood in a check out line or turned on my TV. Did I get too old or did the culture get too depraved? Did I lose my sense of humor or did this kind of crap stop being funny?

Post from: Blisstree

Elisabeth Leaving The View