*At first, Jim and I traveled the 275 miles to her home to enjoy a day or two with her.  Occasionally other family members joined us.  Friends and family might stop by after dinner.

*We moved Mother to our home in January.  She wasn’t here until the following Thanksgiving because she needed the additional care she could receive at a nursing home.

*There we would join her for a special Thanksgiving dinner at the dining room in the home.  The first year, Mother thanked us for taking her out to eat at the lovely restaurant.  The dining hall was decorated, the food was festive, the staff so friendly, and the occasion pleasant. 

*We tried to join her every year she lived there (eight in all) and have dinner with her.  Sometimes our grandchildren joined us and enjoyed eating out with Great Grandma.    Even though Mother became less aware of what was going on, she still seemed to find the occasion pleasant. 

*We didn’t try to take Mother to our home feeling it would be too confusing for her.  She seemed to need the routine of the nursing home.

You’ll all celebrate Thanksgiving in different ways, depending on logistics, family festivities, the ability of your Alzheimer’s family member.  Enjoy the day (or whenever you celebrate) wherever you and your family member are.  When you can’t carry out the old traditions, establish new ones. 

I have enjoyable memories of those holidays with Mother even though they were different from what we might have expected.  I had to learn to enjoy “this moment in time.”

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Enjoying Thanksgiving with Alzheimer’s Patients

 However, attendants assisted her after a family member got her to the plane  Then she was met by a wheelchair attendant and transported that way to her connection.  I marvel now, as I travel through busy airports, that she managed on her own.  In later flights, she was accompanied by someone in the family.

Mother enjoyed this flight to and from her visit to a relative’s home.  She’s always wanted to fly, and had taken short scenic flights when my husband owned a small plane.  But her desire for a longer flight never abated. 

 Looking back, I’m glad we enabled  her to have that experience.  However, I still marvel she made that first flight alone and am so thankful there were flight attendants to assist her, as well as the airline personnel in Chicago who maneuvered her through that busy terminal.

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Mother, with Alzheimer’s, Traveled by Plane

Mother looked around, “I know.  There’s work to do.  But it will always be there.  And I won’t always have time to read.”

It was frustrating for a teenager and later a young married woman when I came home to visit and found Mother still reading and getting to the dishes “when she had time.”

However, in later years, as I cared for her through Alzheimer’s, I was glad Mother had taken time to read.  She didn’t know that she would get Alzheimer’s and no longer could read.  However, while she was able, she enjoyed her reading time, taking minutes (even an hour)  from housework and other tasks.  Far into her Alzheimer’s journey, Mother turned the pages of magazines and tried to form the words.  She still discussed books and authors and asked me what I was writing until she could no longer speak.

So when a family member has habits you find frustrating, consider whether it’s extremely important that you correct or criticize.  Sometimes, yes, changes are necessary.  But look at the long range scheme of things, and realize, as I have, that priorities take on a different aspect when we consider them from an Alzheimer’s world. 

 I’m glad Mother had the pleasure of reading when she could. 

           And some of the reading she enjoyed and reminisced about were stories she read to my sister, brothers and me as children and later to grandchildren.  This is Mother reading that has a place in my memories, too.

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Priorities in an Alzheimer’s World

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Living with Alzheimer’s Disease.

Created by Mike Bockoven and Scott Kingsley, Living Through Windows is a fantastic and moving multimedia presentation profiling the patients, families, and staff at Third Phillips.

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Alzheimer’s Disease: Living Through Windows.

Halloween brings to mind the encouragment Mother gave us and her enjoyment in this occasion.  She often stitched together costomes for us four children.  (Where she found time in her busy life as a farm wife, I don’t know.)

I recall one she made me from black and orange crepe paper for the Halloween party at school.  One year she helped my sister scoop out a huge pumpkin, which Sister wore over head with a white sheet covering her body…the Pumpkin Ghost.

Mother also dressed in costume for the community Halloween Parties.  I came across a journal where she wrote about thinking she’d disguised herself in her costume, but she was recognized immediately.  Would that have been because she was accompanied by four little children?

Write down some of the special occasion memories you have of your family member…memories that add to your family traditions and heritage.  Just because someone has Alzheimer’s, don’t shut those earlier years away so the disease is all you remember about them.  I have so much to pass along to my daughter and grandchildren about Mother and hope they will continue this family heritage.

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Remembering Alzheimer’s Patients’ Traditions

“Yes, Mother,” I replied, taking out my notebook and pen.  Then we sat for nearly an hour while Mother reminisced and I jotted down notes about her childhood, her teaching years in a one-room schoolhouse, and stories of various relatives.

I realize now that in doing this, listening to the memories of an Alzheimer’s patient, I helped preserve our family legacy.  If Mother hadn’t become afflicted with Alzheimer’s disease, would she and I have taken time to escape into the past?

Don’t get annoyed with your family member because they can’t comprehend the present.  Take advantage of their memories of the past and compile them for future generations, either with pen and paper, a tape recorder, or video camera. You are preserving your family legacy.

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Treasuring Alzheimer’s Patients’ Memories