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When we finally got to the bank and combined our assets, debt, and made one central home for our paychecks, the change didn’t seem so big. But finances have always been a weaker area for us. We’re not irresponsible or anything, but we hadn’t really sat down to talk about how our money is being spent and where we could save and do a better job preparing for our future.

So we finally made time for that as well. We took an afternoon to go through our bank statements from the previous few months and talk about our individual spending habits.

A few things popped out immediately:

• Paul spends a lot of money on video games.
• I spend a lot of money on clothes.
• We both spend a lot of money on entertainment and eating at restaurants.
• We are not putting enough away each month to achieve our goal of buying a home in the next four years.
• Our debt is manageable but not really being effectively paid down.

It was at this point that I felt a little bit of regret that we hadn’t done this before. I mean, all of these indicators seemed so obvious and were probably in both our minds – but we never talked about it.

We have had a joint checking account now for just over six months. We still go out every once in a while, I am wearing a new shirt and Paul is playing one of those shooting video games that I don’t recall the name of. But these are now occasional indulgences. We help keep each other accountable – not by policing one another, but by supporting what we each love and being more aware of the overal mutual wants and needs. We now have a quarter of our down payment saved up too.

If I had to do it all over again, I would have gotten a joint checking account sooner. But then, I guess that’s all part of the newlywed learning experience.

Post from: Blisstree

When To Get A Joint Checking Account

A few facts:

• The son lives with the father and stepmom.
• Stepmom has child who is 18 and lives with father.
• Husband manages household finances in one account.
• Wife is told they are too broke and can’t give her son money for car repairs
• Husband spends a great deal on his child’s sports activities
• The couple have a small toddler together

Given that set of circumstances above, what do you think would be the best solution for this families conflict?

Being in a blended family and second marriage, I believe whole-heartedly in split finances. I know resentment can grow when one parent takes more than their share from the family budget for their own kids – but if the parents contribute their own portion to the family budget and then provide for their children out of what’s left over, that’s entirely up to them what and how it’s spent.

If the mother has two kids and the father has one kid living in the household from the previous marriage – then the father would be responsible for 2 parts of the overall household budget while the mother is responsible for 3 parts. I believe in equal portions.

Being in a blended family is very different. Resentment can set in and grow – and finances seem to be the primary cause of those resentments. I believe in eliminating the potential for conflict from the start. Keep the bank accounts separate.

What are your thoughts? Please do share!

Post from: Blisstree

Second Marriages, Blended Families and Separate Finances

Kids are very perceptive creatures. They can pick up on even unspoken emotions but be ignorant of how to deal with them. The side effects of harboring the second hand stress are numerous. Your normally happy child may become depressed. They may become suddenly introverted. They may complain of stomach aches, sleeping problems or have separation anxiety. They may regress to baby stages or behaviors. A potty trained child may start wetting the bed. One of the most obvious signs is a sharp increase in cases of illness. If your usually healthy child becomes repeatedly ill, it may be a sign that your stress is rubbing off on them.

What can you do to remedy this problem? Talk to your kids. Reassure them that you have everything under control even if you don’t feel that way. Ask them about their concerns. Some of them may surprise you. My daughter once heard my husband and I bickering about an over indulgent shopping trip. He casually made a comment about having a house payment to make. My daughter overheard and interpreted his comment to mean that we were going to lose our home. We did not know why her stomach started hurting, until she finally blurted it out one day. We were so shocked, but in retrospect, could see how a child might derive such a conclusion from a passing comment.

Younger children, although not as verbally capable of expressing fears, can still communicate them through play. You can play pretend and let him be the parent, or even use puppets to act out his emotions. Kids wear their hearts on their sleeves and will usually let you know in some form, that they are stressed. If you know what to look for and how to deal with it, they should be back to their happy selves in no time! 

Post from: Blisstree

Is Your Stress Rubbing Off On Them?