I was not quite sure if I should have heard the conversation, but we have an open concept home, and I was cooking dinner. Other than turn off the stove, and leave the room, what could I have done?

I got her a pad of paper, once I saw that she was trying to take notes in an already used sticky-note she had sitting there. I mean, come on. These are the moments that bring out my protective response. I can’t bear to see her confused or anxious, without stepping in to help.  Selling the home was the final thread to her 7 years of living in their dream location, the passing of her husband, and so much freedom.

After the call, she came in and started telling me 100 reasons why she wanted to sell to these particular buyers. Speaking faster and faster, she rattled off so many things, one would think that it was a dump on skidroe, instead of a lovely ranch in a private community. Was she convincing me or herself?

Honestly, I believe she was gearing up to convince my husband. She is more comfortable in that role: Asking permission. I, however, think it is her darn house. As long as she wants to sell it, makes a common sense decision to sell it, and gets at least *something* out of it, let her!

So, I went behind her back. Yes, dear readers, I did. I sent a text to my husband, who was still at work. I told him she had the call, and that she was going to talk to him when he got home. I did not tell mom that he already knew. My reasoning was that if he already knew the basic story, when she stammered out her nervous thoughts, he could *hear* her and respond accordingly.

It actually worked! She was able to get the validation she needed to feel like she made the right decision, and my poor dh, tired from 8+ hours of mind numbing office politics, did not have to sort out what in the world was going on.

I think that this was a hard step, but from listening to her, it was also huge relief. She was really becoming concerned that there was a home sitting thousands of miles away, being taken care of by hired people.

So, although this is a sad day for mom, I think that it will ease her stress somewhat, knowing that it is sold.

Now, if only we could do something about her stress level in other areas..

Post from: Blisstree

The Final Thread

The state announced Monday copays in its drug assistance program will increase August 1.

The copay for generics will go from $5 to $6. It will go from $5 to $7 for brand names. They’re the first increases since 1992.

I’m not a politician, but there has to be another way.

Many of these people can barely afford the medications they get now. An increase will likely cause them to stop taking their medications altogether resulting in an increased burden on an already overloaded health care system.

(via Jay at Triple Venti)

Post from: Blisstree

Drug co-pays to increase for disabled and seniors

However, I know that I have a lot to learn before I’ll need to handle my dad’s finances in any capacity. Many people learn what to do by trial and error, and it’s easy to get overwhelmed with all the things that need to be done.

CNN Money has a good article, Managing your folks’ money: 5 steps:

1. Create a single guide that summarizes all financial information.
2. Get a broad Power of Attorney (POA) document.
3. Close the loopholes by making sure that each financial institution will accept that POA.
4. Get additional proxies for health care.
5. Go slowly. If possible, don’t take over everything all at once.

It makes some great points, especially the fact that you need to contact each institution to find out what their requirements are for acting on someone else’s behalf.

For example, as I found out, even something as simple as adding someone to a safe deposit box access at the bank isn’t all that simple, and everyone with access to the box has to be present at the same time and resign the papers each time there is a change.

Even if you don’t think it’s time to talk to your parents about their finances, remember the 40-70 rule and that illness and accidents can happen, regardless of age and it’s always better to be prepared.

(via Pat at Sometimes I Feel Like a Piece of Bologna)

Post from: Blisstree

Managing Your Parents’ Finances

AARP argued unsuccessfully that this violates federal age discrimination laws since younger retirees would still be eligible for coverage from their former employers while older retirees would see a reduction in benefits when they turn 65.

Whether or not a company continues to provide benefits to retirees is voluntary, but it is incredibly expensive and I don’t know how most companies could keep it up, and I think the temptation would be to cut out coverage for all retirees if it were legislated.

I’m not sure what I think about this as my dad has (and my mother had) private insurance from current jobs, military insurance as well as Medicare, so I’ve not been affected by insurance provided by a former employer.

However, my mother’s place of business was instrumental in keeping her covered when she was ill. She wasn’t retired, but was on a leave and they bent over backward to help her. I don’t know what would have happened had they not because she required a great deal of medical care as her health declined.

Food for thought.

(via Triple Venti)

Post from: Blisstree

Retiree benefit cuts

I’ve not used this before, but, I just ran across it, and, I thought I’d share the link to Confidant Solutions, software that helps you create a complete record of personal critical information, and distribute your record to family members for backup.

It generates e-mail files to distribute your critical personal information to the people of your choosing. You can control who gets what type of information and you can change it at any time.

It’s an interesting concept, and, might be a good organizational tool for a technologically savvy family.

Post from: Blisstree

Confident Solutions

The term “estate planning” is still kind of nebulous to me and sounds like something people with lot of money and assets have to worry about, but, indeed, us regular people need to consider estate planning, too.

Estate Planning for Everyone from Nolo.com really breaks down the process is east to understand terms and is a great checklist of what you need to consider (note: legal information is not legal advice) to be prepared in the event of death.

Post from: Blisstree

Estate Planning

Premiums can be quite expensive, and, you may end up finding out that you aren’t covered for what you need when the time comes. For example, my parents have dutifully paid LTC premiums, but, when my mother needed assisted care in the home, it didn’t pay even though it was far less expensive for her to be home that in a facility.

But, as time goes on, premium rates skyrocket, and, sometimes, people end up losing everything while paying for a policy they might not be able to use.

Get professional advice, and, shop carefully for long term care insurance, you’ll be glad you did.

(via Minding Our Elders)

Post from: Blisstree

Long Term Care Insurance

It examines both the physical and emotional reasons that an elder might lose track of their finances, a concern for friends and family.

There’s also an excellent list of red flags indicating the need for financial help.

Go read it today, it’s good stuff.

Post from: Blisstree

When does an aging parent need help with finances?

I know I talk about this topic a lot, but, I cannot tell you how much I was just like you: raising young children, going to work, and going about my suburban existence, and, one day woke up smack in the middle of the Sandwich Generation, and, was faced with these matters.

Even if you don’t think you’re anywhere near this scenario, do read it, and, try to find something you can learn from it. It’s never too early to talk about such things, even if you begin simply by asking your parents where their important documents are located in case of an emergency.

Post from: Blisstree

More on helping with aging parents’ finances

I know it’s a tough thing to talk about because I’m sure many of us were raised to believe that money matters are an intensely personal and private matter. But, the fact is, that any of us could be called upon at any time to be in charge of, or, assist with the finances of someone else.

The Fort Wayne Journal Gazette has a good article, Be Prepared to Manage Older Parents’ Finances, that summarizes some of the issues to consider:

•Income – How much money comes in to your parents and from where? Do they have company pensions, government pensions or Social Security benefits?

•Assets – Get a list of checking and savings accounts and investments such as 401(k) accounts, stocks, bonds, certificates of deposit and life insurance polices. Don’t overlook other assets such as residential and commercial real estate.

•Stored assets and valuable documents – Do your parents have safe deposit boxes? Where are they? Where are the keys? Whose names are on the signature cards? Where are their important documents stored? What about valuables such as jewelry, antiques and collectibles? How about birth certificates and their Social Security and driver’s license numbers?

•Insurance – How much and what types of medical, life and long-term care insurance do your parents have? Specifically, what do their policies cover? Do they have supplemental insurance? How are the payments made – a fact you’ll want to know to prevent coverage termination due to a payment lapse.

•Wills – Do your parents have wills? Who have your parents named as executors, trustees and powers of attorney? If your parents don’t have wills, urge them to work with an attorney and create them so they can avoid potentially huge tax consequences.

Even if you can’t relate to needing this type of information about your parents because they are young and in good health, it’s still a good idea to broach the subject with them from a “what if there was an emergency?” approach.

Perhaps it is information they could prepare and store in a safe deposit box or with a lawyer if the discussion is deemed too awkward.

Additionally, do you have this type of information on hand for your own finances? In an emergency, or, under stress this type of important information may be too difficult to remember.

Post from: Blisstree

Managing aging parents’ finances