“Some will object to many of the questions posed, because they think their own character defects have not been so glaring. To these it can be suggested that a conscientious examination is likely to reveal the very defects the objectionable questions are concerned with. Because our surface record hasn’t looked too bad, we have frequently been abashed to find that this is so simply because we have buried these self-same defects deep down in us under thick layers of self-justification. Whatever the defects, they have finally ambushed us into alcoholism and misery.” 12 & 12, pgs 53-54

Hence, (I believe), the “profundity” if you spot it, you got it.

Then… another “no co-incidence.” Going back a few readings and meditations to see what else relates to Oscar the Grouch for a day, I find this;

“During the times I didn’t have love in my life I most assuredly had fear. To fear God is to be afraid of joy. In looking back, I realize that, during the times I feared God most, there was no joy in my life. As I learned not to fear God, I also learned to experience joy.”

An answer… how about that?

[Graphic credit to 123Posters]

Post from: Blisstree

“Go away and LEAVE ME ALONE!!”

“I was between Scylla and Charybdis now, because if I did not drink my stomach tortured me, and if I did my nerves did the same thing.”

Can you relate???

Scylla and Charybdis are two sea monsters of Greek mythology situated on opposite sides of a narrow channel of water, so close that sailors attempting to avoid Charybdis will pass too close to Scylla and vice versa. The phrase “between Scylla and Charybdis” has come to mean being in a state where one is between two dangers and moving away from one will cause you to be in danger from the other, and is believed to be the progenitor of the phrase “between a rock and a hard place” or the more literal phrase “between the devil and the deep blue sea’.

Page 24; “At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail.”

“The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink.”

There Is A Solution!

“Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet.”

Post from: Blisstree

Between Scylla and Charybdis

The Language of The Heart reveals what Bill says about his fourth and fifth steps on page 239;

“Step Four and Step Five, dealing with self-survey and confession of one’s defects, have not been overly difficult, either.

Of course, my self-analysis has frequently been faulty. Sometimes I’ve failed to share my defects with the right people; at other times, I’ve confessed their defects, rather than my own; and at still other times, my confession of defects has been more in the nature of loud complaints about my circumstances and my problems.

Nevertheless, I think I’ve usually been able to make a fairly thorough and searching job of finding and admitting my personal defects. So far as I know, there isn’t at the moment* a single defect or current problem of mine which hasn’t been discussed with my close advisors. Yet this pretty well-ventilated condition is nothing for self-congratulation. Long ago I was lucky enough to see that I’d have to keep up my self-analysis or else blow my top completely. Though driven by stark necessity, this continuous self-revelation – to myself and to others – was rough medicine to take. But years of repetition has made this job far easier.”

So – does any of this sound familiar? You are not alone!

* Bill was about to celebrate 24 years of sobriety.

Post from: Blisstree

Well-Ventilated?

To be used as a guide for a Fourth Step – Liabilities and their definitions.

Resentment – “When we are angry or bitter toward someone for an extended period of time over some real or imagined insult, we are feeling resentment. It is a hostile or indignant attitude in response to an alleged affront or personal injury.”

False Pride – “is either feeling better than or less than someone else. Feelings of superiority include prejudice about race, education or religious beliefs, and sarcasm – putting someone else down to make us feel better about ourselves. Feelings of inferiority include self-pity – dwelling on one’s own problems, and low self-esteem – the lack of self-worth or self-respect.”

Envy – “wanting someone else’s possessions.”

Jealousy – “being suspicious of another’s motives or doubting the faithfulness of a friend.”

Selfishness – “concern only for ourselves, our own welfare or pleasure, without regard for, or at the expense of, others.”

Laziness – “means lacking the will or the desire to work. Procrastination, which is postponing or delaying an assigned job or task, is a form of laziness.”

Dishonesty – “theft or deception. It includes taking things that don’t belong to us, cheating people out of what is rightfully theirs, and lying to or witholding the truth from others.”

Fear – “is being afraid of losing something we have or not getting something we want. It manifests itself in many ways including phobia, terror, panic, anxiety and worry.”

Post from: Blisstree

Liabilities

“Indeed, the attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.’s Twelve Steps. For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all. Nearly all A.A.’s have found, too, that unless they develop much more of this precious quality than may be required just for sobriety, they still haven’t much chance of becoming truly happy. Without it, they cannot live to much useful purpose, or, in adversity, be able to summon the faith that can meet any emergency.”

You said you wouldn’t darken my door again. You came back and tried to darken it with the outlandishly egotistical statement that you “were surprised this Blog was still here.” As if the planet and all on it ought to pay attention to you.

Sure, it bothers me some yet what I believe is more important is to let others, more specifically the newcomer to recovery, realize that even though some of us have been here for quite some time, there is a long way to go and there is no destination. “No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints.” Please, be careful of anyone who “knows it all” or has spirituality “down pat.”

Stick around and there will come a day when the oldtimers won’t hurt your feelings anymore because you’ll come to understand they have your best interests at heart, despite how they might sound. They sound that way because we don’t like the truth when it’s told to us. It means we’ll have to go to work to change. Work???

“Unless he has to do these things in order to stay alive himself…”

Post from: Blisstree

The Foundation Principle

Self-delusion. Masks.

Of course! Some truly are! How about you?

“We are convinced God wants us to live happy, joyous, and free.” Why did they feel compelled to say this in our Big Book? I believe they knew because they’d been there and many, no doubt, were still there.

“I give you the impression that I’m secure, that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without.”

Kudos to whomever it was that first offered us the suggestion to lose the fear of “ratting” on our disease! “We are only as sick as our darkest secrets.”

“Honesty is the truth and the truth will set us free!” By God! I want to be free!!!

“Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?” Does the answer to this really have to be rocket science? Happy, dammit!!! And… what a shame that the whole world doesn’t know this.

Then comes today’s reading – followed by – consternation?

Happiness Is Not The Point

“I don’t think happiness or unhappiness is the point. How do we meet the problems we face? How do we best learn from them and transmit what we have learned to others, if they would receive the knowledge?”

This quote is attributed to Bill Wilson, as is this one, “When pain comes, we are expected to learn from it willingly, and help others to learn. When happiness comes, we accept it as a gift, and thank God for it.”

What all this means? Today, to me? Within the past year, one specific situation called for a great deal of patience which I certainly was not perfectly maintaining. It involved two folks who had placed themselves in a position of trust, online to the public, with this gift of recovery. Initially, I was supportive. Once they began to pass along bad information that had harmful capabilities, I called them on it in that public forum and was chastised and mocked. I retracted my support. Did my best to let it go.

Within the last 48 hours it was revealed that one, or both, of the participants had been consuming alcohol and claiming to be in recovery. So, I’ll ask you – what nature of person am I? Part of my “nature” wants to scream out “I told you so!” The more reasonable “nature” is not at all happy about anyone in the process of killing themselves. Yet I see it as the continuing practice of other folks co-signing bull malarkey and allowing the disease to prosper. Why? Because many chastise and mock the experience, strength and hope offered by folks who’ve been around and have learned through pain what the right things to do are. Of course, this is probably why Bill said “If they would receive the knowledge.”

Too many don’t want the knowledge – one additional reservation to develop an excuse to drink, as if we needed another.

Post from: Blisstree

Happy? Happy???

Learning To Love Ourselves

“Alcoholism was a lonely business, even though we were surrounded by people who loved us…. We were trying to find emotional security either by dominating or by being dependent on others…. We still vainly tried to be secure by some unhealthy sort of domination or dependence.” As Bill Sees It, pg 252

Ego-maniac with an inferiority complex.

This time, the person who has responded says “It was through staying sober, having a good sponsor and working the Twelve Steps that I was able to build up my low self-esteem. First the Twelve Steps taught me to become my own best friend, and then, when I was able to love myself, I could reach out and love others.”

Self-hatred and self-loathing are incredibly heavy burdens to carry, speaking from personal experience. When others try to add to the weight, it not only simply adds to the weight it doubles or triples if those who are doing the adding are loved ones. Why are they adding? Because we are on a merry-go-round of doing emotional harm to them. I.E. we bring it on ourselves. Therefore, as this respondent mentions “I drank to dull the emotional pain.”

It took many years for my emotional pain to gather, all the while never ebbing because of my drinking. Even after years in recovery (despite what some might say) I’m far from a finished product and that is just fine the way it is, for me. I have no need for perfection today. I’m happy with me personally. And, if you don’t like it, well, I guess you’ll stay on your merry bandwagon spewing endlessly won’t you? I don’t have to drink today – and that is the miracle! (once again, despite judgment to the contrary)

Post from: Blisstree

Staying Teachable

What Is Sponsorship?

“An alcoholic who has made some progress in the recovery program shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another alcoholic who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through A.A”

Post from: Blisstree

Sponsor?

Back to the Big Book, pg. 67;

“This short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn’t deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.”

Do you recall what it says in the Third Step about self-sufficiency? It says (on pg. 37 12&12) : “The philosophy of self-sufficiency is not paying off. Plainly enough, it is a bone-crushing juggernaut whose final achievement is ruin.” On the next page, the 12&12 says something I find eliminates any cause for self-celebration about getting sober;

“So it is by circumstance rather than by any virtue that we have been driven to A.A., have admitted defeat, have acquired the rudiments of faith, and now want to make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to a Higher Power.”

Following through with the Fourth Step, we’re told: “We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us?”

I check on my ego a lot! It gets out of whack so very easily, both high and low. Where our literature goes now is very important, to me.

“Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn’t fully solve the fear problem. or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.”

Yep – ego-maniac with an inferiority complex works here

“Perhaps there is a better way – we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves.”

And I find myself thinking that if only more folks would trust infinite God (or whatever Higher Power their faith follows) rather than their finite selves, there wouldn’t be so much senseless and needless death in our world today!

“Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.”

Bingo… again. Why do we humans believe we can place ourselves above the Creator? Whomever we may believe Him to be? What human being created this rock? And gave us all life…

Post from: Blisstree

An Evil And Corroding Thread