*Quiz: Are You Way Too Obsessed With Your Ex?  Some guys (or girls) are hard to forget, but nobody wants to be stalkerish. See how you are doing with this quiz.

*Quiz: Are You Good-Girl Hot or Bad-Girl Hot? The quote with this game is “Are you so bad, you make the Rock of Love girls look good?”  Are those girls hot?  I always thought they looked more sad than hot.

*Quiz: Can You Keep A Guy Intrigued?  I think that depends on the guy, but you can test your intrigue-ability with this quiz.

*Quiz: Are You A Closet Commitment-Phobe? Are you a single-girl through and through?

This one is about your relationship with female friends. Is your friend your friend or your “frenemy.”  Isn’t it sad that there’s a word that describes that sort of person?  If you’ve got a “frenemy,” move on. Nobody needs people like that in their life. 

*Quiz: Is Your BFF Really On Your Side?
Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Quizzes: Sex, Intrigue, Frenemies

Maybe you have a new job, new city, new school, new goals, new family member, new relationship, or new hardships that will challenge who you are and require you to give more to certain areas than others.  Oftentimes one area of your life can be extremely demanding and you can forget that you need other areas of your life fulfilled in order to find balance.

It’s a good idea to set aside some time to think about the different aspects of your life that are important to you and make sure that they are all getting the time and attention that you need.  Here are some areas of your life to think about:

• Relationships w/ Friends & Family – Think about your friends and family that are near and far.  How much of a part of your life do you want them to be?  Are you being a good mother/daughter/sister/friend?  Are you spending time with people who are important to you?

• Relationships w/ Love Interests – If you are single, are you giving people a chance?  Are you socializing and meeting people?  If you are in a relationship, are you talking and communicating properly?  Are you seeing your relationship similarly?

• Physical – Are you taking care of your body?  Are you exercising and eating foods that make you feel good?  Do you feel comfortable and confident in your skin?

• Mental – Are you learning?  Are you challenging your mind on a daily basis?

• Creative – Have you found a way to express yourself creatively?  Even if you don’t think of yourself as an artist, have you tried new ways to explore your creative side?

• Visual – Are you creating a living environment for yourself that fits your personality and comforts?  Do you see beautiful things around you?  Do you dress yourself in a way that represents your inner self?

• Natural – Are you interacting with natural environments?  Do you want to have a connection with the earth?

• Spiritual – Does religion have a role in your life?  Have you explored different types of spiritual ideas?

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Tips For Maintaining a Balanced Life

I have mentioned in some of my previous posts that, unfortunately for many of us, a first impression is very important.  It’s a natural characteristic to feel welcomed or off-put by someone during the first time that you spend together.  You will get a feel for whether they are down-to-earth or putting on a facade.  This doesn’t mean that opinions won’t change over time, but for starting a friendship getting off on the right foot sometimes goes a long way. 

It is a fact of life that many people that you encounter, male or female, are competitive.  It’s usually a subconscious reaction, but it occurs often and it can definitely be a source of tension in girl-girl relationships.  If someone has even the slightest twinge of low self-confidence then they could feel somehow threatened by something about you that is compeltely innocuous…your clothes, your salary, your boyfriend, your attractiveness, your friends, etc.  If you meet a new girl it might be easy for her to quickly size you up, feel threatened, and give you the cold shoulder.  If this happens, I don’t think you should give up on the possibility of a future friendship!  It might take a little bit of work on your part to reach out to the girl and let her know that you are in no way a threat:  you aren’t trying to steal anyone’s boyfriend and be better at anyone than anything.  You are just trying to be friends!

My biggest strategy in making new girl friends is not to be judgmental.  Don’t take offense to anyhing too quickly and accept that a lot of people aren’t open to the idea of letting someone new into their life right away.  Maybe they want you to prove yourself a little before they let you in…and that’s okay!  You haven’t had the time to get to know them yet so you don’t know what experiences they’ve gone through that make them who they are.  Just remember that some of your best friends probably have faults that you completely overlook because you love them and know them so well.  The new girl you’re hanging out with who doesn’t seem to be very friendly could actually end up being one of your closest friends if you keep trying to break through her shell.  Show her kindness and thoughtfulness and don’t over-analyze yourself.  If you are confident and secure in who you are and how you treat other people, then you can be sure that eventually she will see that and get over the subconscious aversion she might have to your friendship.

I’m not saying that everyone can be your friend, but I am saying that sometimes it takes a little work.  As you get older it’s not easy to let new people in and it might not happen as naturally as it did in college.  If you have been someone who has always had trouble making girl friends, now is the time to change your approach!  Be confident and comfortable and don’t judge anyone too soon.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Trouble Making Girl Friends?

A few months ago my apartment in Brooklyn suddenly burned down.  Luckily I wasn’t in the unit at the time, but I did lose my home and a lot of my belongings.  Obviously the situation could have much worse, but I still see the situation as a small crisis.  I suddenly had no place to live and very few belongings.

In situations like these I realized that everyone cares and wants to help, but it is the people who make a specific offer that are truly helping you.  Lots of people say “I’m so sorry.  Please let me know anything I can do to help.”  Although these are kind and thoughtful words, I found that they weren’t in actuality helpful because I didn’t have the time or clarity of mind to figure out how different people could be useful to me.  And even if I did come up with something I needed, I didn’t really feel comfortable asking when they only said “let me know.”

The life-saving help came from those friends and family who took action.  They made specific offers like “You can use my truck to move your belongings” or “You can stay at my apartment this weekend while I’m out of town.”  I can probably say that I accepted almost all of these offers because it was actually helpful!  Their offers helped to relieve some stress from my situation.  They didn’t require me to do extra analyzing to try to figure out how they could be of some help in my crisis situation.

If you know someone going through a crisis in their life and you know that they need help, please offer something specific.  Home-cooked meals, beds to sleep in, babysitting, pet sitting, rides, use of vehicles…all of these things are great ideas.  It is helpful for you to do some thinking and analyzing on your own to figure out what you can do and offer.  Then propose to them what you can do to help and be prepared that they will take you up on it!

I guarantee that they will be forever appreciative and you will feel that you have truly done your part to be supportive and giving.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

How To Offer Support In A Crisis

Sometimes people get jealous. They worry that someone is slipping away, that they are losing their influence. They worry that they might be losing the love or complete attention of another person and when this happens, they turn to coercion. They hit on a person’s frailties, on his or her fears until they chip away a chunk of their confidence. I’m talking their self-confidence as well as the confidence that they may have in their relationship. I find this sort of selfish and destructive behavior disgusting.

When I heard the “deceitful” statement, it was clearly a case of an individual parroting another persons bad intentions. These teenagers are still figuring things out. They need a supportive environment to do that. They don’t need outside sources filling their heads with doubts. How are they supposed to develop healthy relationships if their biggest influences are not healthy to start with? If things do not work out between them, they will still take the lessons that they learned during this relationship with them. They will suspect the next person is deceitful or jealous or whatever term they throw at each other.

Sorry to be a bit on the cryptic side, but we just had a scene here that was ridiculous and totally without merit. I do not appreciate people messing with the kids. Teenagers are not property to control. They are young adults who will soon be on their own, especially when they are 17 and almost 18. They deserve the best guidance we have to give. 

Image credit: Chase Your Bliss Photography

Post from: Blisstree

Be A Good Example For Teens

Tim and Anna had a great sort of – what seemed to be – brother/sister banter/bond. They’d hang out a lot, tease each other mercilessly, but all in a platonic sense.

Until that one day that, over linguine, Tim told Anna that he had had feelings for her…for years.

Anna did not feel the same, and let him down gently. Tim said he understood, that it wouldn’t change their friendship, and life went on uninterrupted.

Now, Anna is planning her birthday party – ironically to be held at my house, so I am even more intertwined in peoples’ lives than normal – and is in the beginning stages of seeing a new guy. Tim has just told her that he will not be attending – it’d be too uncomfortable for him, and in fact, he’s not sure he can be her friend at all, if she’s dating someone (who is not him, of course).

We’ve all been there – had feelings for friends, which weren’t returned – hell, I’m there right now! – but what is the “right” thing to do here? The obvious answer is that Tim should suck it up and attend Anna’s party, but we can also understand his discomfort.

So, if you were Tim – or Anna – what would you do?

Image: Sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Friendship First

Remember when you were a kid, how easy it was to make friends?  You were offered up a new selection every Fall when you returned to school or you could hang with the kids in your neighborhood. Either way, there were so many options and the rules were pretty simple – play outside until Mom called you in for dinner.

Then, there was high school and it was pretty much the same, only you had more kids to chose from. Need a best friend in high school, grab the one who dresses like you. Easier to pick out boys back then, too.

As an adult, it’s harder. You work, you run errands, you clean your house, whatever. Life is busy and friend-shopping is no longer easy. For a long time, I made acquataince-friends with neighbors and that worked out okay, we’d chat some, but they were usually married or in some way living a very different type of life than the one that I lead.

I found a couple of old friends on MySpace – Leah and Jackie – and suddenly I had real-world  girlfriends again. Oh joy! And that’s not sarcastic, I love those girls, time with them is pure joy.

Do you have good girlfriends?  If you do, where did you find them? Do you keep in touch with old friends? 

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Adult Friendships

I have a situation that I am at a total loss of what to do about.

Several years ago, I became acquainted with a friend through several other mutual ones. She’s one of those awesomely strong women – she moved cross-country on her own straight out of college, is brilliant, and when she tragically lost her husband before even hitting their 30th birthdays, she soldiered on, moving again, on her own, and setting up stakes in a new state in a new house, just her and her dogs and her bunny.

We bonded pretty quickly, and because we lived in different states, would only see each other every few months and would predominantly have frequent marathon IM sessions about everything from sex to mutual friends to work. We talked all the time, and gave each other tons of advice – tough talk and otherwise.

Several years have gone by, and this weekend, I visited her home and stayed with her for the weekend. We had an awesome time – she took me out for a belated birthday dinner, we shopped, we talked. When I mentioned having worrisome problems with my computer, and not being able to afford a new one right now, she GAVE me her old one – a laptop she used to use but had sat forgotten for the past two years since upgrading to a newer model.

The end up of this story is that today I came home, and as starting up this new computer, I noticed a folder on the desktop “aly therapy”…filled with ichat transcripts of every single conversation we had had up until the point she stopped using this computer. These transcripts were, weirdly, also saved in text and internet explorer format, as well as in a giant zip file.

I am in shock. Saving it like that makes me wonder…why? And what she really thought of me. But…this is something that happened two years ago, and since then, she’s been an awesome friend. I would have never known she did this if she hadn’t made this really generous gesture now. Should she be punished for it? Should I not say anything at all?

I don’t know what to do! Help me, fair Blisstree readers!

Image: Sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

True Colors Shining Through?

She’s completely in love with him, and has told him – he has gently told her that’s not what he’s about, and things have fallen off…and things have started off again. Repeat.

Said girl is obviously at fault for letting herself continuously go down that road to hurt..but when said guy sits at lunch and tells her about the awesome new girl he is seeing, does he not realize that said girl may be feeling mixed things? And might have feelings involved? Isn’t he sort of at fault too?

I realize this is a situation that begs a lot more explanation – but from those of you who have been in “friends with benefits” type situations – I wonder – have they EVER ended well?

Image: Sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Friends with Benefits

He is an old friend whom I caught up with again on Facebook. Facebook? Really?

I know it sounds silly, but reconnecting with old friends is my favorite thing about sites like Facebook or MySpace. We have spent more hours than I can count talking on the phone, the computer, etc. At this point, we’ve got to see how it feels to be in the same room again, but I can remember feeling an ease and comfort when I spent time with him as a young girl. I do not want to date anyone else and that’s where the “boyfriend” part comes in. I want to give this my attention for now. It matters to me.

Already, I can talk to him about things that I could never talk about in my last relationship. I see this as a good sign, because I think we, Mark and I, are better friends than I was with D. I thought that there was a good connection with D, but I have realized in the past couple of months that I was holding a lot back. I held my tongue and I’d get a pit in my stomach worrying about how I how to approach him about working things out. I was afraid he would retreat or get angry or talk in that really, really loud voice that he has. I didn’t like that voice. It made my eyes water.

I’ve found that as I get older, finding love and friendship takes me down paths that I never thought I’d tread. There’s always a surprise around the corner.  Yeah, I know that sounds corny, but the corny stuff is the good stuff. I love reminiscing with Mark and hearing him tell me that I was his high school crush. I like to picture young Mark and young Michelle standing and laughing with a crowd of friends, totally unaware of what lie ahead of them. Totally unaware of how lucky they’d feel someday.

I was talking to him about that picture in my head. About how I have all these random impressions of him stored in my head and I don’t have a lot of impressions of other people from my past. I can see how he moved and what he did with his hands. It’s like my subconscious said, hey store this up, this one is special.

My heart is full of hope and happiness. I feel good.

Image credit: All Posters.com

Post from: Blisstree

My New Boyfriend