I recently moved across the country, from the east coast to the west coast.  My family is on the west coast, but all of my wonderful friends who I spent all of my time with over the last three years still live in New York.  It is sad to leave all of them, but it is important enough to me that I will put forth an effort to stay close across the miles.

The main thing to remember is that if you want it to work, then make it a priority.  Set aside just a few minutes every week to keep in touch.  I’ve moved around a lot over the last ten years, so here are some ideas for maintaining long distance friendships:

• Scheduled monthly or weekly phone calls - Plan a specific day each month or week to call each other.  Even if you don’t think you have much to say, it helps you to keep each other updated on just the small things in your lives.
• Frequent emails - If you are more of an email person (like me) shoot out little emails frequently.  Just send a few sentences, weblinks, articles, or images that remind you of something you would have shared if you still lived in the same place.  Again, keeping in touch about the small things maintains a better friendship than just summarizing your life once a year.
• Yearly trip - Plan far in advance so you make sure that all of the friends can adjust their schedules accordingly and take advantage of the lowest prices possible.  I know a lot of people who have been planning yearly trips with the same group of friends since college, and it definitely lasts through the years!  Usually you probably travel with your spouse/significant other, but plan a trip with your long distance friend to meet up in a foreign place.  You will get to spend lots of quality time together.
• Instant messaging - There are many interfaces out there, but choose one that is paired with your email so whenever you are reading your email you can also take a moment to say hello to your friends.  This is definitely the best way for me.
• Birthdays and holidays - Make a special effort to remember these days.  Sometimes you might even spend them together, but if not then be sure to make a phonecall.

I purposely did not include social networking sites like Facebook because I don’t believe that these are ways to really maintain a friendship…in fact, I think they are the opposite.  If you are reading updates about someone’s life through a website then you will have no reason to actually contact them to ask important questions and catch up.  You probably know all about what they do everyday, but don’t actually have any personal interactions.  These are good for peripheral friendships, but not for your closest friends.

The main thing to remember is just that it only takes a few minutes out of every week to show a friend that you are thinking about them.  I know it’s super hard when you have the life happening around you to handle also, but close friendships are important to maintain in your life, even if they take a little extra effort.

Let me know if you have any special ways that you have maintained a long distance friendship that has lasted over the years…

Image: Flickr

I go through stages where - despite having tons of friends and nightly events - I feel incredibly alone.

I sometimes wonder if it’s me being melodramatic, or if it’s accurate that while I have a lot of people in my life, and a lot of activities to share in, I have very few quality relationships. I am no one’s best friend. There’s no one who sees me as their great love.

In general, I feel like I have a lot of acquaintances, a few friends, and literally no one that I can talk to about everything on my mind, and know I will get an open, non-judgmental ear. I want that so badly - but then I wonder, is that asking too much?

I try to be that person to the people who are important to me. Am always there for them when they go through breakups, or job stress, or life dramas. And they are sort of there for me, but never to the degree. Do I just give too much? Or am I giving what isn’t even being asked for?

I’d love to see your thoughts - do you see you have unequal friendships? Do you get what you give? Do you expect to?

It’s interesting how in dating, there is “the rules” and “the secret”…but in friendship, we pretty much take it, or leave it, as it goes.

Image: Sxc.hu

I’m late today with my post because I spent all day yesterday with one of my dear friends who I hardly ever see anymore.

It’s for good reason. We’re productive mothers - I write, she goes to school. There was a groovy year there, when we both had babies and we weren’t working when we would spend the day going to the lake with the kids and bopping around thrift stores. But, you know. . .

Now, we just take the moments when she’s in a school break and hope we can manage one day together. She came to see my new house and we explored my new town.

We bopped around new thrift stores and had lunch at an old fashioned soda shop.

I find it so much more difficult to be friends with mothers. There’s just so much busy to work around. But, I do cherish my mommy-friends when we can find some mutual time to just be.