There are some friends who have known you long enough to see you when you are at your worst and when you are at your best.  There were obviously times in your life when you probably weren’t very mature, or considerate, or polite, or reliable or any other million possibilities of assorted “friend crimes.”  But there were also times when you were a great friend.  You were there when your friend needed you and there when it was just a normal day and you could hangout on the couch and watch Friends and not even talk about anything interesting at all.

When it comes to friends, it is really true that it is quality and not quantity that counts.  The friends that fall into this category of “riding a bike” friends are the girls who I spent every second with in college, but unfortunately now we have pursued our dreams and are spread out across the country.  We try to keep in touch through email, but it is really the physical time that we spend together that feels so important.

Spending time with old friends helps you to realize that even if you are in a different place in your life where you don’t have a solid group of close friends like you might have in years past, it is these close lifelong friends that are most important.  You might not see them or talk to them very often, but they are really only a phonecall away if you ever need them.

It’s hard to make new friends, and it seems that the friends who knew us when we were younger are the ones who now know us the best.  Don’t expect that you will find new friends later in life that will become as close as those you met earlier in life.  Instead, cherish the friends that you know will be around forever and let them know how important they are to you.  Don’t worry about making tons of new friends all the time and filling up a social schedule.  Instead, focus your efforts on being a good friend to those who are important in your life, even if you don’t get to see each other very often.

Image: Kelli DesRochers

Post from: Blisstree

Some Friends Are Like Riding a Bike

There are a million reasons why someone might be jealous of you.  It might be something that you have control over, or it might be something that is just part of you naturally.  Humans are naturally competitive and when they see something in someone else that they desire for themselves, there is a definite tendency to feel that ugly little twinge of jealousy.

If you worry that someone in your life is jealous of you, my biggest piece of advice is: don’t worry about it anymore!  We live in a social environment where we interact with people everyday, so it is a constant stress to worry about the way that your presence affects other people.  You could spend tons of useless energy worrying about what other people think of you and never knowing what is inside their heads and why they feel or treat you the way that they do.

The most important thing to remember is that you can’t control other people, you can only control yourself.  Jealousy coming from someone else is not something that you can work on fixing and it is only something that the other person can work on.  It’s very natural to worry about what other people think of you and feel sad if they treat you coldly, but if you are focusing on being the best person that you can be then you should be able to move on from their negativity.

It’s also important to remember that you may be diagnosing their jealousy incorrectly.  Again, you have no idea what thought process they are going through, so it’s not important to spend time worrying about whether or not they are jealous of you.  Don’t waste your time trying to figure it out…it will only make you self-conscious and confused.

If someone treats you in a way that makes you feel like they are jealous, try to turn your focus on yourself.  Remember that jealousy is something that they have control over and not you.  If you have wonderful things in your life, enjoy them!

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

I Think They Are Jealous of Me

The main thing to remember is that if you want it to work, then make it a priority.  Set aside just a few minutes every week to keep in touch.  I’ve moved around a lot over the last ten years, so here are some ideas for maintaining long distance friendships:

• Scheduled monthly or weekly phone calls – Plan a specific day each month or week to call each other.  Even if you don’t think you have much to say, it helps you to keep each other updated on just the small things in your lives.
• Frequent emails – If you are more of an email person (like me) shoot out little emails frequently.  Just send a few sentences, weblinks, articles, or images that remind you of something you would have shared if you still lived in the same place.  Again, keeping in touch about the small things maintains a better friendship than just summarizing your life once a year.
• Yearly trip – Plan far in advance so you make sure that all of the friends can adjust their schedules accordingly and take advantage of the lowest prices possible.  I know a lot of people who have been planning yearly trips with the same group of friends since college, and it definitely lasts through the years!  Usually you probably travel with your spouse/significant other, but plan a trip with your long distance friend to meet up in a foreign place.  You will get to spend lots of quality time together.
• Instant messaging – There are many interfaces out there, but choose one that is paired with your email so whenever you are reading your email you can also take a moment to say hello to your friends.  This is definitely the best way for me.
• Birthdays and holidays – Make a special effort to remember these days.  Sometimes you might even spend them together, but if not then be sure to make a phonecall.

I purposely did not include social networking sites like Facebook because I don’t believe that these are ways to really maintain a friendship…in fact, I think they are the opposite.  If you are reading updates about someone’s life through a website then you will have no reason to actually contact them to ask important questions and catch up.  You probably know all about what they do everyday, but don’t actually have any personal interactions.  These are good for peripheral friendships, but not for your closest friends.

The main thing to remember is just that it only takes a few minutes out of every week to show a friend that you are thinking about them.  I know it’s super hard when you have the life happening around you to handle also, but close friendships are important to maintain in your life, even if they take a little extra effort.

Let me know if you have any special ways that you have maintained a long distance friendship that has lasted over the years…

Image: Flickr

Post from: Blisstree

How to Maintain Long Distance Friendships

I sometimes wonder if it’s me being melodramatic, or if it’s accurate that while I have a lot of people in my life, and a lot of activities to share in, I have very few quality relationships. I am no one’s best friend. There’s no one who sees me as their great love.

In general, I feel like I have a lot of acquaintances, a few friends, and literally no one that I can talk to about everything on my mind, and know I will get an open, non-judgmental ear. I want that so badly – but then I wonder, is that asking too much?

I try to be that person to the people who are important to me. Am always there for them when they go through breakups, or job stress, or life dramas. And they are sort of there for me, but never to the degree. Do I just give too much? Or am I giving what isn’t even being asked for?

I’d love to see your thoughts – do you see you have unequal friendships? Do you get what you give? Do you expect to?

It’s interesting how in dating, there is “the rules” and “the secret”…but in friendship, we pretty much take it, or leave it, as it goes.

Image: Sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Levels of Friendship

It’s for good reason. We’re productive mothers – I write, she goes to school. There was a groovy year there, when we both had babies and we weren’t working when we would spend the day going to the lake with the kids and bopping around thrift stores. But, you know. . .

Now, we just take the moments when she’s in a school break and hope we can manage one day together. She came to see my new house and we explored my new town.

We bopped around new thrift stores and had lunch at an old fashioned soda shop.

I find it so much more difficult to be friends with mothers. There’s just so much busy to work around. But, I do cherish my mommy-friends when we can find some mutual time to just be.

Post from: Blisstree

Mommy Friends