3 days post-transfer. Feeling fab.

I always think that I’m going to enjoy the mandatory “don’t do anything” for the 24-hours immediately after transfer. But after the first few magazines, boredom can easily set in. Here’s how I whiled away my “don’t do anything” time this time around:

1.) Read about half of this great book I picked up at a used book sale this spring.

2.) Had a “discussion” over whether or not lying on my side or stomach was allowed, or if bedrest really meant “flat on my back.” (update: on the side = ok. on the stomach = notsomuch, at least not for the first 24 hours)

3.) Enjoyed some subversive cross stitch. Really enjoyed the subversive cross stitch. I may need to get more.

4.) Tried to mentally weigh every item in my apartment. Did you know that when they say, “don’t lift anything over 10 lbs.,” that equates to roughly a gallon of milk??? My laptop and cord = just slightly under 9 lbs. My beloved dakine hemp bag with all of my stuff in it? 10 lbs. Argh.

5.) Saw that Michael’s heart rate accelerates and his palms get sweaty anytime he is asked to cook. It’s not that he won’t. He’s just terrified of “messing up” as he puts it. Luckily in-laws and my mom were around this week to lend some hands.

6.) Started some Christmas gifts early (but who haven’t I given a scarf to yet? Anybody need a scarf?)

7.) Had another “discussion” over whether or not pulling open the door to our elevator counts towards the 10 lb. limit. (update: nurse says, no. not really. Take that hubby.)

8.) Found out that progesterone suppositories don’t count when they say, “nothing in the vagina for a week.” Nope. No such luck. They’re a gift that keep on giving.

9.) Fell in love with our new bed all over again.

10.) Realized that I really can unplug from my computer and not think about work for a 24 hour period and everything will still be OK.

Picture the scene:

Tiny, tiny waiting room.  Hubby and I are there, still sweating from the bumper to bumper traffic and dash from the parking garage to make it here on time. Slightly frazzled, but excited.

Next to us, another couple, not nearly as excited. From her body language and a nurse’s comment (”I wish we weren’t seeing you today…”) which nearly loosened the tears she had been holding at bay, I had to guess she was here for a D&E or other process to end a pregnancy that never quite got where it needed to be.

Seeing her so sad quieted my heart. Seeing her husband, with his LAPTOP open and on his lap made me insane.

Their names were finally called. Once they left earshot I hissed at Michael: “Can you believe him? His wife is sitting there in agony and he’s on his frigging laptop? What the F is he doing? Answering emails? Playing solitaire? Have you ever seen someone so insensitive? If you did that, I would KILL you…” And on and on I went until finally M said,

“Dude. Relax. He was showing her their cat at home. They must have a video cam hooked up to the computer and they were spying on their cat. Didn’t  you see? It was the one and only time she smiled?”

Oh. Um. No. I didn’t.

“Well then super sleuth, do you think you could chill out and think positive thoughts? Because we should be next.”

And into our frozen embryo transfer (FET) we went.

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Here’s another lesson learned: Friday Freebie means frees stuff for Fertility Notes readers! You have until July 31st to enter to win a $40 Fertility Scope from  Miracle Light Labs. Click here for details on how to enter.

Well, we did it. We bit the bullet and bought WWE’s Great American Bash on pay per view tonight. (ok, well, we sort of did. We talked M’s parents into going halfsies with us). Why? Because it’s darn fun and my husband Michael is currently the resident blogger at b5’s Jab and Grapple.

If you’re into wrestling, go check out my predictions for winners on tonight’s PPV. Hint: I’m almost always going to go with the hotties.

Oh yeah, in fertility news, less than 48 hours until the FET…

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So, I may not pick all the winners tonight, but I will be picking the winner of Freebie Friday. Enter to win a $40 Fertility Scope from Miracle Light Labs by clicking here and leaving a comment.

Thank you so much for your well wishes! Please keep wishing a little longer - transfer is delayed just a few more days.

Sorry for the lapse in posting. I’ve been feeling a little woozy (and sleepy and bloated and crampy) since my doctor decided to ramp up my estrogen intake. My lining measured a measly 6 mm on Monday - not quite what it needs to be for an optimum FET (frozen embryo transfer). A thickness of 8 mm or more is preferred by most Reproductive Endocrinologists.

I won’t lie. I was disappointed, angry (at my body), sad. My nurse tried to cheer me up by pointing to the ultrasound and showing me how “beautiful” my uterus looks. So that’s been my consolation prize this week. Michael is getting a huge kick out of exclaiming, “oh my goodness, I’ve never seen such a beautiful uterus!” at random moments.

So, me and the girls will be traveling to the clinic again tomorrow morning for another ultrasound, which will hopefully reveal a beautiful and deliciously juicy ute.

In the meantime, I have some catching up to do, don’t I? Check back often as I try to cram(p) a week’s worth of fertile news into the next few days.

image source.

Despite comments from fertiles that assume otherwise, trying to conceive (and being unsuccessful so far) really isn’t that much fun.

But I’m a glass-half-full kind of girl. Let’s talk about some of the peaks on this roller coaster ride.

I’ve already mentioned the glow that my skin takes on in the estrogen-filled days leading up to a FET (frozen embryo transfer).  I found another body bonus this evening.

Girl, my titties are looking fine. I mean, FINE.  With a capital F.
And I plan to dress them up and take them out on the town to-night. And sip club sodas.

For those of you following my FET, me and these bad girls will be taking the train to the RE on Monday to see how my endometrium is measuring. If it meets the thickness benchmark (for my clinic, that’s a score of “8″ - not sure which “scale” that would be on…) then the transfer will occur Friday.

Friday!

You know I love Pilates, but now that I am getting ready for another FET (frozen embryo transfer) I still don’t have answers as to how much and when I can reintroduce Pilates back into my routine post-transfer.

I’ve finally decided (after a few false starts) that I am down with Yoga. But I’m still not sure which is the best for me - the uber-competitive evening Ashtanga class with the hot instructor? Hatha, taught by the hippy and full-hipped lady in the morning? Which yoga would suit me and my fertility? I know I still have a lot to learn about this practice.

How cool that I no longer have far to look for more Pilates and Yoga info! Help me welcome Susan and Kelly at the Health & Wellness Channel’s newest blog: Grounded Fitness. I laughed when I read Kelly’s open apology to yoga because I remember so acutely my frustration during my first yoga class. I remember yelling silently at the instructor in my head during the (then) dreaded corpse pose, “But I don’t want to focus on the present! The present is what I want to change!!”

And there are still some things about my present that I want to change, but I am hoping that yoga and pilates will get my mind and body in shape to help me make those changes.

Best believe Grounded Fitness is getting bookmarked right now!

Today’s Telegraph reports more interesting facts and findings from the 24th annual conference of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology in Barcelona, Spain.

One study focused on declining success rates of ICSI after the 3rd attempt:

• Almost all women who would have become pregnant through a type of IVF (intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI)), used in an estimated 40 per cent of cycles in Britain, did so on the first or second attempt…Only 3.4 per cent of women became pregnant with their third cycle of treatment and less than one per cent on the fourth or fifth cycle.

Simon Hong, from the Centre for Reproductive Medicine and Infertility at Cornell University in America said: “From our findings it appears that younger women undergoing two ART (assisted reproductive technique) attempts benefit from the highest chances of pregnancy.”

Another study presented today at the ESHRE conference focused on the use of frozen vs. fresh embryos and found:

• Infants born from embryos which were frozen and then thawed before being implanted into a woman had a higher birth weight and were less likely to suffer abnormalities, and 

• Fewer of the children were also twins or triplets.

So, how are you finding the findings from ESHRE so far? Since our next frozen embryo transfer (FET) is just around the corner, I’m liking that second study. The first one, not so much.

After more than a month of dreading, teeth gnashing, cursing the needles, pins and pills of this “mock cycle,” yesterday’s tests finally happened. My sweaty palms dried after a visit and a hug from our Nurse (who was there assisting with transfers since the clinic was short-staffed for the day) and after seeing the anesthesiologist finally arrive.

“You’re gonna knock me out, right?”

I must have asked this to anyone who would listen yesterday. This guy finally gave me the answer I was looking for.

“You’re not gonna know what hit you.” Said with a wink and a smile. I knew I liked him immediately.

The procedures went off without a hitch and as a result we will not be using a stitch to guide future transfers.

A wha? Yeah, it’s exactly like it sounds. A stitch. The last two times we have tried to transfer embryos to my uterus, the previous doctor preferred to put a stitch in my cervix a few days before transfer so that he could pull my curvy uterus into position to facilitate a straight shot (as it were) for the catheter containing the little ones. You know, like an obedient marionette. But a full bladder seemed to be enough to straighten the old girl out and both times, the little purple string (which, FYI, hurts like a B. to put in) was left dangling, totally unnecessary.

Our new doc took yesterday’s opportunity (me=out cold, legs=akimbo) to do a test run without the stitch and made the decision that we would not be putting my cervix or uterus through any unnecessary stress next time out. (insert little cheering cervix here). We like that news.

In other news, the hysteroscopy found a polyp which was promptly removed and a small fibroid, which was not. All else looked good according to Doc. The results of the biopsy will be back in a week or so to hopefully confirm that assessment. The Mayo Clinic explains:

Uterine polyps are growths attached to inner wall of the uterus and protruding into the uterine cavity. Overgrowth of cells in the lining of the uterus (endometrium) leads to the formation of uterine polyps. The sizes of uterine polyps range from a few millimeters — no larger than a sesame seed — to several centimeters — golf ball sized or larger. They are attached to the uterine wall by a large base or a thin stalk.

Now, are the fibroid and polyp to blame for our last two failed cycles? Hard to say. The fibroid, probably not. The poylp, perhaps. According to www.obgyn.net:

If the polyp interferes with the egg and sperm, it may make it hard to get pregnant. Nobody knows how common this is. It is also possible that they may lead to a slightly higher chance of miscarriage, but this is also unknown. Most gynecologists will remove polyps…if they are found in women with a history of miscarriage.

So that sucker’s outta there. Hubby and I were both a little surprised by the optimism that we both heard in Doc’s voice as she gave us the report - to Michael as soon as she left to O.R. and to me, via phone as soon as I was cognizant.

Yesterday, I was crampy. By “crampy,” I don’t mean the “crampy=extreme pain” euphemism that blindsided me when I had to have an HSG. I mean crampy, like, “oh, I might be getting my monthly flow” crampy. A bit groggy. But other than that, absolutely fine.

Can I take a moment to apologize to anyone that I have scared off having this procedure done?

Next steps, we wait for the biopsy report. I clear all these drugs out of my system, and it looks like we’ll be starting up again soon enough. By that, I mean getting my body ready for another frozen embryo transfer (FET). Remember, we are lucky enough to have some guys on ice. This time, with a little more (ok, a LOT more) hope.

Image: Newscom

Hey, you have entered the latest Freebie Friday giveaway, right?

I can’t recall if I’ve told you, but after my second BFN (big fat negative), we agreed to more tests to see what the heck is going on down there. My doctor’s first request was for a hysteroscopy and an endometrial biopsy.

For (lack of) insurance reasons, the hysteroscopy was downgraded to a sonohysterogram (SHG), similar to an HSG only the HSG’s radioactive dye is replaced with seemingly benign saline.

Sound like fun? Here’s the kicker, I actually need to complete a cycle of meds as if I were having an FET (frozen embryo transfer) at the end of it. But instead of little bundles of hope and promise, my legs will be spread to greet scopes, scrapers and I am honestly getting a little dizzy just thinking about it. I just may pass out.

So, ladies, here is what I need to know. Am I overreacting? Are you reading this post and thinking, “shoot, ain’t nothin’ to those tests.” Or are you sucking in your breath in commiseration?

Please feel free (no really, I am begging you) to leave any tips or advice for pre- and post- test sanity.

Last week as M and I were enjoying an evening at a friends’ house (something we don’t do often enough), I caught a glimpse of a set of 10 little statements, mantras almost, clipped from a new agey magazine and hanging in her kitchen. My first impulse was to tease, but then I started reading them and gosh, a lot of them made sense. Live gratefully. Be aware of what you eat….and why. Dance a little every day. We started talking about said magazine and I was gifted with an older copy to preview. And I read it cover to cover during our out of state trip last weekend.

The article that struck me most was one on Appreciating the Present, which is hard to do in a society that is so goal-oriented and focused on the future.

I happen to be in a place where there will be some time between now and our next actual FET (frozen embryo transfer), perhaps several months, so this discussion is timely for me. While I have been gifted with more time to prepare myself mentally and physically for our next round (see, that’s me. goal-oriented, focused on the future), surely I should be using some of that time to appreciate what I have right now, right?

So, what do I have right now? I have a med-free existence with no physical restrictions placed on what I do, what I eat, what I drink, where I go. It is springtime and I am in love (as always) with a great husband and blessed with some very cool friends. That’s not nothing.

I had to laugh when I read Kami’s post yesterday over at Are We There Yet? Apparently I am not the only one who is trying to do a better job appreciating the here and now. Kami writes about enjoying her first bike ride of the spring:

As I was riding and realizing how much fun I was having I thought, “Hmmm . . . maybe I will blog about this.” I started composing the blog in my mind. Then I realized, instead of enjoying the moment I was telling a story about the moment. “Craziness!”, I told myself and brought my attention back to the feel of the wind, the view going by, the people I would pass and say “hi” to. I wondered if one or more of those people was trying to conceive and here I am with a pregnant belly - not only disturbing their quiet walk, but also shouting a friendly, “Hello!” “Hmmm . . . maybe I should blog about this” and off my mind went.

And I admit, I do this all the time. And like Kami, I need to get better at separating my life and my blogable life. Aside from that, here are some other things that I am trying to do to appreciate this time between cycles, before meds, before the testing, before the stress and anticipation of another try:

1.) I am giving yoga another shot. I tried it perhaps a year ago and left feeling sore and impatient. I must be in a different place now because I left yesterday’s session relaxed, renewed, still a little sore, but in a good way. I appreciated the forced meditation aspect of it and the constant reminders to be mindful of how my body felt and how my breathing sounded.

2.) I am amping up my time at the gym and outside. Perhaps I became frustrated with yoga last year because I was trying to use it as a replacement rather than a supplement for other activities. On days when I am able, I am trying to hit the gym once in the morning and once after work. When that’s not possible, I am trying to take at least a 20 minute walk outside. Have you seen it outside? It is gorgeous! And for once, a sunny day isn’t followed by a week of rain. The forecast for the next several days sounds glorious and I intend to take full advantage of it.

3.) I am spending more time with family and friends. We should get together. Oh yes, let’s get together. When? Oh I dunno, I’m awfully busy…..Do you do this? I do this. And it’s not untrue, but I am trying to work harder at finding time to be with people I value. If not now, then when? And pre-cycle feels like a good time to do this. Somehow, invites for cocktails or happy hour always get scheduled faster.

And like Kami, I will try not to think about blogging about these things as I do them.