The article reports on the cause of bringing relationships to an end. Unmanaged expectations. Couples having set too high an expectation on each other that would often end up in breaking the bonds that initially brought them together. I wish it also shared useful steps on how to deal couples should deal with this together when they find themselves in this situation.

Personally, I believe that when two people meet and date, the attraction lies on their present state. Sure, there will be romanticized notions and such but the fact remains that one is attracted to the other, as the article states, as they are. But, admittedly, change being the only constant thing, when you do get on with life with them, events will happen. Growth. We can only hope that we can manage the expectations of each other, grow together individually AND as a couple, so that adapting to such changes will not be difficult.

What about you guys? What do you think of it? Do you agree that this is the single biggest killer of relationships? How do you deal with it?

Post from: Blisstree

The Single Biggest Killer of Relationships

Men will always be different. In terms of which things are considered important, how they perceive things, and how they relate emotionally. Women on the other hand are built to handle relationships. One is more pragmatic than the other, which in a way makes each a perfect complement to the other.

Here’s a look at what my friend and I talked about:

ME: so don’t stock up on words. just do it
HIM: sometimes actions not enough
ME: of course, women love to talk but practicing what you preach supports your words well.
HIM: its not enough. they interpret it as something else
HIM: even if you are doing coz you want to
ME: if there’s anything i learned about relationships, it’s never black & white
HIM: yeah
HIM: true
ME: if you want someone to know something, to understand something, you do everything in your power to communicate
ME: without wanting anything in exchange
HIM: well sometimes its better to leave thing as is
ME: only the knowledge that she/he understands and gets the message
HIM: maybe it isn’t meant to be
ME: what? and take on a defeat-ist attitude?
ME: that’s why it’s called a commitment
ME: using something that guys can relate to
ME: “leave no man behind”
ME: know what i mean?
HIM: guess theres really no happy ending
HIM: and we’re meant to be lonely
ME: it’s thinking that it’ll never end
ME: the thing i’ve noticed lang talaga
ME: for relationships to crumble is the unwillingness for partners to truly communicate
HIM: yeah thats true
ME: laging selfish that’s why instead of listening
ME: we turn a deaf ear and simply focus on what *we* are feeling
HIM: but its hard if you’re the one communicating
HIM: and the other party isnt doing anything
ME: i can so understand how frustrating that is
ME: it’s like talking to a brick wall
HIM: but i listen.. i know how important that is
HIM: its just hard to listen when all you hear is silence
ME: perhaps both need it
ME: both can listen to their own thoughts until they’re about to go insane
HIM: yeah i guess
HIM: the best things are better left unsaid
ME: i can’t agree with that
ME: i’m such a passionate advocate on how important communication is in relationships (any kind)
HIM: it is.
HIM: trust and communication i think is very important
ME: yea, with frequent communication, steady, healthy one at that will nurture mutual trust
HIM: dont you should start with trust
ME: well, i reckon as an individual, you have a certain amount of trust you can work with
ME: it’s never foolish to be wary about certain things cuz there are situations wherein you shouldn’t jump in blind
ME: but as both communicate, the said trust will be nurtured
ME: but if you’re talking about zero trust from the start, i advise you to run the opposite direction
ME: that’s not good. it spells trouble and heart break
HIM: yeah i think so
HIM: but you should trust each other to communicate freely
ME: that’s a component and a good foundation
ME: but both should practice *actively* communicating regardless of the other things
ME: know what i mean?
ME: have you reconciled yourself with what you’re going to say that you’ll be able to deliver the very message you’re trying to convey?
ME: can you speak with conviction? firmness? without concern on how the other person will take it?
ME: if you can you have a foot in the door
ME: now’s the hard part cuz
ME: it means doing it with compassion, empathy, and the true desire to be understood and to have the other person understand

Any additional thoughts?

Post from: Blisstree

Quick Chat on Trust & Communication

They say never say things when you’re emotional because you might regret it later on, because you can never take it back.

Same with “rebounds.” When one is fresh from a breakup, or a failed relationship, one has so many questions left in his/her mind, insecurities come in, and confusion begins. At some point, one would want to do something about it just to feel better. People always crave to feel better. The process of moving on is a tricky one and a rollercoaster ride emotionally. You might want to reaffirm your confidence, and prove to yourself that you want to move on quickly, and maybe, find someone in a short span of time for a lot of reasons. Reasons include (1) forgetting someone, (2) wanting to feel loved again, (3) making the ex jealous, (4) stop being lonely (5) to be able to try to love again, maybe the next person you’d meet would be the one.

Some of the reasons above are good enough, and some not. But always remember that there is another person involved in the “rebound phase,” which is the person you seek to date or commit into a relationship with. That person, standing by himself or herself would see you as you are, and would love you without any other reasons than loving you, and it would be really unfair, and it would just seem that you used one innocent person who believed in you for your selfish reasons. Remember, it’s not just you anymore – there’s another person involved already. So next time you seek to date someone just to “take the pain away” or “forget your troubles” for the meantime, remember that there are other activities or decisions that would be less harmful such as going out with your friends, choosing a new hobby, or concentrating on your work.

Just because it’s better that you don’t hurt anyone in the process of moving on.

Feel free to add your thoughts on the topic. Let’s talk and learn from each other.

Post from: Blisstree

Let’s Talk: Rebounds

It highlighted certain things that somewhat proves just how they are happier. While most claim that women are baggage-ridden, emotional beings, this email tells us that men are happy and carefree beings.

I couldn’t help but nod in agreement on some parts. I hope all you guys out there won’t take offence when you read this. Just think that it’s all in good fun. Hehe.

Anyway, I’ll let you be the judge if this has any truth in it —

Men Are Just Happier People– What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

There are things you’d fail to realise if you don’t put the bits together. Just like this. Makes you understand the gender, eh? LOL.

So, what do you think? Are men truly the happier bunch as this message says?

Post from: Blisstree

Why Men are Happier People

How much of yourself do you lose?

I’m talking about your personality. Ok. There’s no right or wrong answer here (depends on where you stand about this matter, though). Granted that you have a personality that’s less attractive than what people would normally prefer, losing much of it will be for the good of everyone, right? Or perhaps you have this steady disposition that you can easily adapt and sort of go with the flow but never risking any loss? Or you’re rock solid, no change ever happening.

But what about people who change a whole lot just for the sake of keeping his or her current partner? Do you think this is healthy?

There’s adapting in healthy dosages and there’s insecure mimicry. I just believe that your personality is your own. Choosing to give it up for something you think is “better” is a foolish thing to do. What if at the end of the relationship you find yourself a stranger to yourself. Yea, with all the “changes” you’ve gone through, you don’t know who you are anymore. Instead of having yourself as a solid wall to lean onto during this time, you’ll be feeling that you need to start all over again.

Again, this is just my personal opinion. Now, it’s your turn. What are your thoughts on the matter? Where do you stand? Is there an allowable amount of change a person can apply within himself/herself? Do share your opinions.

Post from: Blisstree

How much of yourself do you lose?

I’ve been addicted to Guitar Hero III. But when I beat Lou in the Easy round, and halfway through the Medium, I decided to rest my weary hands. I was getting cramps, major cramps. I’m now hooked on Assassin’s Creed. I’ve been losing sleep just because of it. LOL. I’m currently in memory block 6, quite near the end.

BUT going back to the point of the post, I’ve been geeking out on my boyfriend. Talking to him about these games, letting him watch me kick some guy’s arse in the game. I’d let him play my turn and give him tips on certain moves he can make.

Basically, I’ve been wow-ing him with my geeky-ness lately and he’s liking it. Hehe.

Talking ‘Geek’ may not be applicable to all but I reckon this might prove useful for you ladies with geeky boyfriends like I do. I’m not ‘acting’ just to please him but I’ve actually discovered that being dorky — like mimicking the assassin’s awesome killing moves — can be a great source of genuine pleasure.

I guess for some guys, it’s not how you look like which will make him think you’re a goddess. This instance proves it. Heehee.

Post from: Blisstree

Talk Geek, He’ll Think You’re a Goddess

However, there are men who need not resort to rudeness or callous behaviours to be called men. They see no need to break necks or be serial monogomists to exercise their manhood. They respect women; are gentlemen; know things such as honour and chivalry.

In and around relationships, whether platonic or romantic, men will find themselves in a situation wherein they have to balance their masculinity in dealing with women. Perhaps asking the question, “what should a man do or say in this given situation?” Or “should I give in and be seen a wuss or hold my ground since I am the man?”

I’d like to focus on a simple example, communicating with women — partner or friend.

Some men fail in this aspect in relationships. They often liken women to how men think. They, sometimes, expect women to see things and situations the way they do. They would neglect in altering their manner of addressing these women, which may cause significant damage to the relationship. Esp when the man is dating or in a relationship with that woman. Women friends have a higher tolerance for any failure to communicate properly. The former can easily be disappointed and, oftentimes, offended and hurt. Though, this is not saying that the woman is weak and easily dissuaded; the damage, irrepairable.

The manner in how a man communicates with his partner matters a great deal. Pitch, tone, and choice of words should be considered. Again, I’m not saying that this gives you license to lie or deceive. I’m merely pointing out that a man should be respectful and polite in communicating. His partner is not a slave that you can order around or malign. And even women friends aren’t like your mates whom you can dish out crude jokes or mercilessly jeer.

If we talk about couple arguments, it’s quite understandable that frustration and anger can also be felt by men, which can trigger offending manners in communicating. But we all know that we ought not to act on our anger, right? Cuz, more often than not, we end up doing something foolish, which we’ll soon regret.

My personal advise to men: “sweet talk” them women. Be the better man all the time. Use a more mellower tone. Be the rational voice in arguments. Soothe her worries with comforting and securing words (again, this is not an excuse to lie and deceive). Be polite. Be a gentleman. Let the women be the emotional creatures that they are and accept that. Treat them as you would treat your own mother or sister.

This doesn’t mean you’re a lesser man after it’s all over. It doesn’t signify that you’ve lost your masculinity. And it doesn’t mean you’re a wimp that women can easily manipulate. If you truly understand what I’m trying to say about this topic, then you’ll know that I’m simply trying to let you know that this “advise” is meant to better your communication skills.

Did I make sense?

Post from: Blisstree

Sweet Talk, It Helps

For clarity, perhaps. To gain better understanding of the women who fall under these classification. It’s better that you, ladies, know if you indeed are man-eaters or man-haters, right?

Let’s meet the Man-eater
This lady goes through men as quickly as changing outfits. I reckon she can easily attract a guy, get what she wants then discards, without any thought on the guy’s feelings. She’s not necessarily called a slut or seen as someone who’s easy. She’s just the one who calls the shots most of the time and, yes, men still would flock to her. Her personality is so confident and so strong that no man can actually faze her. You can say that she’s the heartbreaker.

And, now, let’s get acquainted with the Man-hater
These are the women who hates men. Period. I reckon the title pretty much says it all, don’t you agree?

Can a woman be both?
Tricky but I think not. Simply because my definition of a man-hater is pretty rigid. In my personal opinion, one cancels out the other, not because they’re at extremes, it’s just that their definitions don’t really sync. It’s quite hypocritical to say that you’re a man-hater when you keep on getting crushes and would still go out and flirt with men with the intention of finding a partner, right? How can you stand being around men if you hate them, much less pine for someone or wish to meet Mr. Right? And then, you can’t really call someone a man-eater if there are no men in the picture, right? A man-eater needs men to exist. Heh.

Motivations
Both may share the same motivation: these women hate men. Which probably why some would mistake one for the other. However, a man-eater can also be driven by her greed, or her idea of self-preservation, or just by her self-centered nature and not because she hates men. Also, I reckon the same can be said about a man-hater. Ah, well. Motivations can be relative.

Final thoughts
I find them both as unhealthy titles to keep. Women (and men) should learn how to celebrate the differences of the two genders and learn how to relate and accept. I do understand that there are some encounters with the male species that will cause you to grab one title for yourself but I reckon it really won’t solve the real problem esp if you’re simply doing a “bubble gum” fix. Anyway, just keep in mind that both men and women are simply trying to find the best way to go about dating and relationships. All are bound to make mistakes along the way.

Discuss
Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong in my definitions, I’ve only developed these based on personal insights and observations. I invite you chime in. I want to hear your thoughts on the matter. Perhaps as we further discuss the matter, we can better understand it.

Post from: Blisstree

Man-eater, Man-hater

If you do see a guy you like, can you immediately tell if he likes you? If you’ve got nothing but a small idea on how to even start figuring it out, here are some body language hints to help guide you.

Hint #1
The brow and the smile

Hint #2
His Body Faces You

Hint #3
Looks at your lips while you’re talking

Hint #4
Pupils widen and Blinks

Hint #5
Laughter

You can read the Body Language Decoder for more on the explanation on each one.

Post from: Blisstree

Attraction: 5 Body Language Hints From Him

Do we really equate gifts to love?

I’m trying not to sound preachy. I want to approach this subject in a more rational manner so we can get more honest thoughts and opinions.

I understand the need that our partners remember a special date (birthdays, anniversaries, etc), alongside this is a gift, which makes the “thought” or “feeling” more tangible. And then there’s that pressure we further put on the gift-giving part. It has to be something of value to us, which — sadly — often means an expensive, material gift.

I’m not saying that it’s only us women who are guilty of such an act. Believe it or not, there are men who do this, too.

Anyway, IMHO, it’s so nice to receive an expensive gift but I’d rather have something I really, really like even when it’s bought at a secondhand shop. The way I’d interpret this gift is not through its monetary value but the act that he wanted me to have what makes me happy… to make me happy. Yes, I love gifts with that sort of intention behind it — given to make the other person happy!

Do you think that the value of gifts is and should be equated to how he (or she) feelings about you?

Post from: Blisstree

Gifts = Love (???)