Last night, I had an opportunity to speak to a group of CFS Sufferers. I am not a big fan of support groups (outside of 12 step programs, and then again not exactly a fan – just believe they are necessary). I suppose one could argue that this blog is somewhat of a support group – but then again, I am not asking for weekly attendance – or participation (although I love it when you do). I don’t really have much to do with people feeling sorry for themselves, and from my experience, that is what support groups do.

But last night, a group asked me to speak – and so I did. Will I go back as a member, absolutely not. Will I be invited to come back to speak – it is doubtful. A group made up entirely of women much older than myself, who had absolutely no desire to get well, with the exception of one (interesting to note that she was around my age). What makes me think this? Well the first thing I saw upon entering the lecture hall, was a very large table filled with pastries, 2 urns of coffee, and bottles of soda pop and sunny delight. Interesting fare for people who are suffering from chronic illness – in which diet can hugely affect ones “performance”. Yea Yea – I know about my own coffee addiction – but really coffee was the least poisonous thing in that environment.

So I start my talk…and it is a good one. Trust me on this. My topic was “You Know You Best – And So You Are the One In Control”, something that I have written on this blog more than once. I honestly thought that people would respond well. I was mistaken. Perhaps my anger is clouding over my memory slightly, but when given an opportunity to speak, the first thing a member of the group said was – “you can’t possibly understand what this is like – even my husband doesn’t believe me”, and so I asked her what she does, thinking that may perhaps give me a way to understand. She replies, “well I am sick – I go to the doctor and attend support group meetings”.

WHAT????? Who says that because you have been diagnosed with CFS it means that you do nothing. If that’s the way you think, then what kind of hope do you have. No wonder the husband doesn’t understand. This woman goes to her doctor to get pill refills (she shared that info with me-its not made up), and then goes to weekly support meetings, where she can consume massive amounts of sugar, and dial in to how sick she is, with others who in turn feed the addictions.

I don’t have to tell anyone here, that this is not going to work. You are not going to get better, unless you want to. No amount of passive pill popping and commiserating is going to help. My breath was wasted last night….and as a result, it upset me a great deal. I admit that the timing of my talk and how I am feeling was not great. Because the result was not what was expected, it made me feel a lot worse than I normally do…(I am now bouncing back). However, it did help me to figure out some things.

For example:
I can not be responsible for anyone else’s wellness except for my own, talking about being ill -makes one feel horrible a lot of the time, if people are happy the way they are- then who am I to try and bring about change to their lives.

But for the woman at that meeting last night – and all the rest that nodded in agreement with what she said, I have just one thing left to say.

Do you not miss the woman you used to be…or the woman you had planned on becoming?

**Picture Source – flickr

Post from: Blisstree

Do You Want to Get Well?