I read today that older people are happier than younger people. This comes from the American Psychologoical Association of Toronto, Canada and a Pew Research Study.

I accept this idea completely. I have a teen. She is a beautiful girl with all sorts of possibilities ahead of her. You’d think she’d be happy, but everything – and I mean everything – is annoying. You know what annoys me?  Crowds. How do I deal with them? I avoid them. Problem solved.

Here are a few of the ways in which older people find greater happiness:

 

*They are better able to recognize what triggers stress and avoid it
*They don’t sweat the small stuff and have greater control over their emotions
*They nurture close relationships with family and friends
*They have a more “positive mindset” and prefer to look at things from a positive point of view – both present and past events
*The have more time for hobbies, friends, or religion because they are retired
*They pick and chose their battles, having learned long ago that to let the little stuff slide

An interesting point made in the article is that a younger person’s more high-strung nature may actually contribute to better success in the workplace.

“Sometimes, happiness is something that you might not be able to achieve in the same way when you’re young and you have these things to accomplish,” she said. “Your time will come.”

Image credit: SXC.HU

Post from: Blisstree

Happiness Comes with Age

At this point, however, I’m clearly all-in on the Bay side.  The kid is in agony, grieving her lost love, and sad. She started school this week and is still in constant contact with him via cell phone or the computer.

Here’s a purely selfish thought – I don’t know if I will ever get another good night of sleep again because Bay has been sleeping with me for a week. I wake up and I’ve been sleeping on my right side all night. No moving. I’m stiff and my ear aches. I’m starting to hate my pillow and the view of the back of my alarm clock. 

She doesn’t want to go into her own room, the place she and her ex-beau  hung out and watched tv, played videos games, talked. I think it’s where they fell in love. She acts scared of the room and sort of darts in and out. I spent hours in there yesterday cleaning and rearranging while she was at school. I bought her new bedding, repainted her tv stand (from pink to black), hung her black curtains, bought her a new black bedside table, dusted, dusted, dusted, did the windows……..I was in there forever. When she got home from school, she was mad that I wanted her to go check it out. She snapped at me. And she said she could not sleep in there yet.

Friday evening she made plans to go out with friends, this included her ex, but for some reason she stayed home with the rest of the family. I was looking at Kelli’s piece on breakups and broken hearts and I think that it’s really time and distance  that get you over a lost love. You can’t force it and you sure can’t force it on someone else. Kellis says, “Don’t try to get him back,” and I think that’s what Bay would like to do, but that impedes the moving forward process.

Kelli’s piece says that it didn’t work because it wasn’t a match. I’m not at all sure that’s the case here.

I’ve spent a lot of time with these kids and they were a pretty tight unit. They were very supportive of each other. They are young and Bay’s ex-beau is putting a lot of weight into what his buddies are telling him, “My friends say I should be single.” 

Until that boy becomes more of a man (again, time is key), one whom can think for himself, I think it’s best that Bay move on. She’s a strong young woman and I look forward to seeing her smile again. There have been glimpses of it this week, in particular when she tried on a new dress at Forever 21.  She looked pretty darn smashing. Like I said, she’s strong. I love my girl.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Getting Over Her Ex

However, it appears that things are looking up for her. I can’t fix what happened to her this Summer. I can’t make it hurt less, but I can encourage her about the future, which is what I hope I’ve been doing.

Yesterday, on her birthday, her father called her. She had not spoken to him in a couple of years. In fact, she was saying something angry about him just the other day, but today she feels that hearing from him was the best gift she recieved.

I didn’t talk to him, but if i did, I’d like to tell him that it’s not too late. That his kids are going to love him no matter what and they really don’t put a lot of weight on what sort of job he has or where he is living. They love him just because he’s Dad. He and his wife are getting a divorce and he’s pretty broken up about it. They’ve been together for almost all of Bailey’s life and she loves her stepmother very much.

I used to feel angry with my ex-husband. We had a bad breakup and then we went a few years with this crazy back and forth stuff. I let go of that anger a long time ago. When you hate someone or hold onto negative feelings, it hurts you. It doesn’t hurt them.

Today I came to the same conclusion about my last ex, the boyfriend before the one I have now. I don’t want to hate him anymore. I don’t want to feel anger. He is a big part of my past and I’d like to be able to remember him with good feelings someday.

I sent him an email today saying basically “Okay, I’m over it.”  He probably read it and thought, “big deal,” but the reason I did it was for me. I want to feel okay and peaceful and happy and holding onto that anger was not good for me. Sometimes it caused problems with my other relationships. He and my boyfriend are old friends. I was afraid that I made that friendship awkward. 

The growing up process, it never ends. People come and go, circumstances change and for me the best way to live is with an open mind and heart. That’s what I try to do anyway, but I have to admit, sometimes I’m still a spiteful bitch. Oh well. Tomorrow is another chance to get it right.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

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A No Good, Very Bad Summer

IMG: The Life of a Home Mom

that I’ve come clean I can tell you that I’m slowly, very slowly, learning to let them go…ya know let them do things on their own and grow doing it.

In the past I remember the worry I felt when (living on the base) I allowed my oldest son to walk to the gas station by himself. Now on the base this was the hot spot for kids to get snacks, candy bars or the occasional milk for moms. I remember watching the clock and everything and just waiting to see him return. Once he did I got such a relief but knew he could safely walk across the main road and be okay, he knew the rules.

Today, he’s 12 and I’ve finally allowed him to ride his bike down to the local Wal-Mart. This was no easy task for me but I knew he’d been wanting to go. Once his dad was going to allow it but due to the busy main road right there I was hesitant, we are still new to being out of the military and city life that I wasn’t ready. My son was hurt by my saying no, today he was so excited and I knew it was the right thing to do. However with that being stated I will not lie, I did make him take my cell phone as I waited on the computer. He called when he got there and called when his tire blew. He’s home now and once again I’m at ease but I know he can do it again. Of course the first thing he did was come in laughing about his bike blowing both tires and asked, “So are you blogging about this yet?” hehe. Yes he knows me well but knows I love him and am only protective and learning how to let go. Hey, he’s the first I think he’ll be the hardest.

How did you deal with the letting go?

Post from: Blisstree

Learning to Let Go

IMG: The Life of a Home Mom

She was all smiles when she saw us waiting at the entrance, however she’d soon forget us. You could see how much fun she was having, but watching her have all this fun made me realize how much she’d grown up and in just a few years she’d be doing all that teen stuff and flipping her hair as I was watching now. Oh the heartbeats that will happen and the laughs that will be shared. The days of barbie dolls and watching Barney will soon be over, okay Barney already is but all that sweet baby girl stuff will be moving over for make up and diaries with stories of boys, I just hope she allows me a few moments of this with her. Today was a fun day, even if it had some awww moments.

Post from: Blisstree

Mom Shows Up at Field Day

The Life of a Home Mom

Yes, this is a normal child thing but for me it was more than that. I didn’t understand why she didn’t want to do this thing. It was something she’d always loved to do, she always jumped at it before. I was puzzled and a little hurt by this, I quickly thought of the Grinch and how my heart must’ve shrank a bit. In the end she told me, “Mom, that’s for little kids. I’m not a kid anymore.”

I won’t lie, it stung. But for me the stinger was more of my own feelings, I knew she was right and she was getting older. Why is it so hard to let them grow up? Why is it so hard to not want to do those cute things with them that they always loved and to hear they don’t like them anymore? I know why, because we are parents and we still remember the yesterdays of their childhood. While they are rushing to get older and move forward, we are wanting to freeze time and just watch, to hold that moment in just a little longer. We know our children will grow up and move on, we want this to last as long as possible.

In the end she did do the one tiny favor I wanted, she got a picture with a character at a show and made my day. Course I guess we’ll realy see how that picture turned out. At the end of the night though, she ran up to me and hugged and kissed me, “Mom I still love you and I had a BALL tonight.” My heart recovered from the earlier shrinkage.

Have you been through this? How did you handle it? I don’t think I’m ready for these guys to get older, I guess it’ll be one step (very tiny) at a time.

Post from: Blisstree

She’s Growing Up

As an 8-year-old I remember running around to spend the night at my best friend Stacy’s house or hanging in my bedroom with Barbies. How many of you remember those days? Things were just a bit more innocent, there were years before we’d even begin worrying about our future.

Today little girls hang out at the school and talk about which boys they’d like to marry, this starts around kindergarten. I kid you not. I’ll never forget the first time my now 8-year-old came home telling me she was “in love” with such and such. In just the few short years she’s been in school she’s came home talking about SEX, you know that dreaded topic we aren’t suppose to have to worry about until they are older. Well, she’s told me that she wants to kiss such and such, that when she gets older she’ll put her tongue in some guy’s mouth, or the worse part was when she told me about how when she becomes a wife she’ll get undressed and she and her husband will have sex and they’ll be naked. I won’t go any further.

How is it she knows all this stuff? Before one thinks it is me, we make sure not to do ANYTHING until ALL the kids are sleeping soundly.

So, what is it? It’s school. We don’t have TV except for movies we rent. Plus she told me her best friend just had her period and has been telling her all about it, so she can’t wait to have that now. Man, she better hope she doesn’t get cramps that come along with it. Then she’ll be wishing she was staying young forever.  Is your little girl or guy wanting to grow up too fast? Any recommendations? You can’t say an all girl’s school, the hubby is already considering it.

Post from: Blisstree

She’s 8, But Wants to be 18

While at a family dinner over the weekend, I watched a little toddler boy in his baseball cap and with sippy cup in hand run for his mommy when he realized he didn’t recognize everyone adoring him.

At that point, I looked to the left and right of me at my own boys who are now within an inch or two of being as tall as I am at 5’7” and wished so much I could travel back in time and recapture my own moments like that.

It’s so easy to take those moments for granted when your kids are so young and you’re all wrapped up in the hustle of everyday life – but time does pass by so quickly and before you know it, those little toddlers are just a few years from college.

One thing that is constant and remains to this day is the fact that no matter where we are or who may be watching, my boys always hug me, kiss my cheek and tell me they love me. 

My husband said that was probably the hardest thing he had to get used to when we married because he’s just not that loving of a person. 

As the mother of boys, I can only hope they don’t add more truth to the old saying –

A daughter’s a daughter for the rest of her life,
A son is a son ‘til he takes a wife.

I don’t think anything could possibly ever break my heart more.

Post from: Blisstree

Baseball Caps and Sippy Cups