There are 10 tools including advice on selecting a health care proxy and a worksheet about end of life priorities and more.

I often say that planning is key to handling aging and end of life decisions, but sometimes “planning” can be nebulous. Where do you begin? What does it really mean?

These tools are simple, but they really make you think and are a good starting point for conversation.

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Consumer’s Tool Kit for Health Care Advance Planning

I’ve not used this before, but, I just ran across it, and, I thought I’d share the link to Confidant Solutions, software that helps you create a complete record of personal critical information, and distribute your record to family members for backup.

It generates e-mail files to distribute your critical personal information to the people of your choosing. You can control who gets what type of information and you can change it at any time.

It’s an interesting concept, and, might be a good organizational tool for a technologically savvy family.

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Confident Solutions

The term “estate planning” is still kind of nebulous to me and sounds like something people with lot of money and assets have to worry about, but, indeed, us regular people need to consider estate planning, too.

Estate Planning for Everyone from Nolo.com really breaks down the process is east to understand terms and is a great checklist of what you need to consider (note: legal information is not legal advice) to be prepared in the event of death.

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Estate Planning

After interviewing 74 year old Sammy Green, it became apparent that he was wondering what was going to happen to him after he died:

He told the teenagers he most likely would be cremated since he had no money and no kin to bury him as he had buried his parents. And he believed cremation would doom him to an eternity in hell. He said being buried in a pine box was all that could redeem him.

The teenagers were taken with Green’s story and decided to find money to bury him.

A week after the interview, Green collapsed with pneumonia and now is receiving hospice care.

The students are building Green a pine casket. A granite company donated a headstone. A country church has given a cemetery plot, and a funeral home director has offered services at a cut rate. The rest of the community is chipping with spare change, and, events to raise funds for Green’s burial.

(via Parent Dish)

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Kids step up for elderly man who has no one

My uncle (OK, his remains) arrived via the United States Postal Service, and, I’ve been working for a couple of days to find a priest to preside at the interment.

My uncle wasn’t Catholic, but, my dad and I are, and, it seems to be very important to my dad that a priest rather than a deacon perform the service. However, this has been easier said than done. We will probably have to go with a deacon, and, even though the one who will likely be doing it is a friend of my dad’s, I just hate to see him disappointed.

We’re hoping to do this on Friday, and, I don’t know how I’m going to handle my kids who are completely squicked out by the thought of cremation.

I haven’t told them that he’s sitting in the box on the desk at my dad’s house. I think they think cremation is a Viking kind of thing where they set you on fire, and, send you out to sea.

Note to self: reduce their TV time.

Anyway, we’re ready to resolve all this, and, move on. At the same time, my poor dad has had some things crop back up with my mother’s estate, while he is also handling my uncle’s, which seems to have a new piece every day.

I am very proud of myself, though, because I went to the lawyer today to sign my will and power of attorney.

Go me.

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Funeral Planning Central

I feel like I say it over and over, and, I realize there’s literature everywhere about how hard it is to talk about these things, but, as I have learned, it’s invaluable not only to have Advance Directives in place, but, to actually talk about the specifics of your or your parents’ wishes.

It really is hard to talk about, I know. I had to ask my mother directly the details of what she wanted if she were to stop breathing when there was a real possibility that could have occured during that conversation.  I’m pretty sure she didn’t really want to have that conversation, either. As a child, it’s hard to deliberately bring up topics that clearly make you parents uncomfortable, but, you need to get as much information as you can.

If you have parents who’ve made these decisions already, be sure to thank them, and, make sure you are ready to listen. I know there are also times where the older person tries to communicate their wishes and their families simply aren’t ready to hear about it, or, face it.

Paula Span writes a loving tribute to her father: Care in Old Age, Confronting the Inevitable, related to these matters, in the New York Times, you might enjoy reading.
If you aren’t this fortunate, try to take advantage of the resources that are out there to make the topic easier to discuss, and, remember that it’s never too early to begin the discussion.

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Talking about the hard stuff