For this particular post, LawyerMom (writer Julieanne’s Mom) was at the helm and she advised someone who had an unfortunate, drunken, after-hours, hook-up with a co-worker. I mention it here, because Holiday Party Season is upon us – my own mom had her work party last Friday. Luckily, Mom was able to handle her margaritas and not embarrass herself (or anyone else). Thanks Mom! 

On to the girl’s details………..

“A terrible lapse in judgment, I know — but I hooked up with a guy I work with after a group happy hour. I regretted it immediately, but the worst part is, he doesn’t. He won’t leave me alone and constantly references our awful, awkward tryst. I’m starting to dread going to the office, and I hardly get any work done because I’m so focused on avoiding him. Now what?”

LawyerMom explains that this hook-up could do a lot more than embarrass a girl. If the news gets out, then she could be subject to termination. LawyerMom advises checking her employment agreement or employee handbook. Some companies have rules against dating within the ranks.

The next step is to look at where they both stand in terms of office hierarchy. If he is superior to her, then it could a case of sexual harassment. LawyerMom says………

“…you have to take some immediate steps. First, reiterate to this guy that the encounter was a mistake and that any advances from him are unwelcome.

Next, even though it’s mortifying, you have to let HR know. Your failure to notify them about a superior’s bad conduct may affect your ability to pursue further remedies. Document any further advances, and keep HR informed. If he continues to harass you, consult an employment lawyer ASAP.”

If she and Hook-Up are equals, then she will have to bite the bullet and talk it out. She needs to make it clear that she is not interested in taking anything further and that she will not tolerate any further intrusive behavior. If it continues, she needs to talk to Human Resources.

If Hook-Up is a subordinate, again they need to have a serious discussion. State clearly that she has no interest in pursuing anything further.  She needs to be firm.

“If your subordinate continues to pursue you, you may want to quietly let a colleague know so you have some evidence that you stopped it.”

LawyerMom goes on to preach some common sense  – don’t drink on an empty stomach and limit your alcohol consumption. 

Mom knows best. Always.

Post from: Blisstree

Mom Knows Best – Avoid the Office Hook-Up

For example, in the article Romantic Chemistry, Explained, by Dan Bova, she tackles the question of why can a couple feel great sexual intimacy together, but still be unable to connect in other ways?  Dr Fisher explains:

“Sexual chemistry does not always equal love, and this is because we’ve evolved distinct brain systems for mating…One system controls the craving for sexual gratification. Another system rules over romantic love, that obsessive thinking and craving and focusing on one individual. They’re not always connected, which is why you can be madly in love with someone and only have so-so sex, while you can have intensely passionate sex with someone you never want to see again!.. You can start having sex with someone and then fall in love…Sometimes one thing can trigger the other.” 

Interesting theory, although the idea of casual sex leading to something more is dangerous, in my opinion. I was talking to a few of my girlfriends and this came up. I said that in the case of a woman, feelings can develop very easily, but for men sometimes sex is just sex. It’s not always the case, but from what I’ve seen, it happens more frequently for women than for men.  Out of the three of us – one was in agreement with me, one was not.

What do you think?  Am I wrong in thinking that women are more likely to develop feelings for a man they are casually, but intimately involved with?  Do you agree with Dr. Fisher’s theory about the systems? 

Post from: Blisstree

The Mystery of Sexual Chemistry

Virtual reality is not all about games anymore, in fact, it’s grown up quite a bit.

Virtual reality is being used by companies to train employees, by students taking college courses, to provide physical therapy and now to help singles find meaningful relationships.

OmniDate provides the latest in virtual reality to help singles find real-life meaningful relationships.

You may be surprised to learn that virtual reality is much like an old-fashioned way of dating, where people take the time to really get to know each other, instead of sending electronic winks or pokes. According to a study by a Harvard University professor, those people who go on virtual dates first tend to have more successful face-to-face dates.

And with the gas prices being what they are, virtual dating might just be a logical answer to increasing your social life while saving money on fuel prices.

What a fun concept!

Post from: Blisstree

Gas Prices Too High? Try Virtual Dating

Though you can find poetry in a broken heart, it, sometimes, isn’t healthy to dwell on them. It’s true that you’re allowed to mourn for your loss but to go at it constantly and consistently? Do you really have to tell everyone that your loss has hardened your heart? That an intelligent showing of coping is to express it in poetic alliterations? That being alone and going into a dating hiatus is an act of strength and independence? Will you truly and I mean truly find the answers to your burning questions?

Dear, you will fall in love again one way or the other.

So, I implore you to cease with all the emo outbursts or the lackluster effort of concealing your emotional turmoil. A sad heart will never attract anyone. If you continue to exhibit a baggage, you might as well put a sign on your forehead that says “Occupied”. This will simple turn prospects off. No, they won’t find your “poetry” appealing nor attractive. Why? Because this so-called poetry pertain to someone else AND most don’t really like to be emotional janitors.

You have got to learn how to be happy on your own. This means no ranting about some guy or girl who may have broken your heart, intentionally or not. This means you don’t claim to “hate men” but know deep in your heart that you simply wish to find “the one”. This means you are indeed happy with who you are and what you’ve become, believing that you’re someone’s “the one”. Give yourself a little more credit.

So, please. Mind your aura and countenance. They do tell if you’re emotionally stable, ready and available.

Just my two cents.

Post from: Blisstree

On Auras and Countenance

Will it generate the same results in terms of matching, you ask? Well, it will all depend on how you’ve set up your profile — like how it is with dating sites — and how you use such applications.

This brings me to an article I came across in NY Times.

These days, thanks to social networking sites like Facebook and MySpace, listing your favorite books and authors is a crucial, if risky, part of self-branding. When it comes to online dating, even casual references can turn into deal breakers.

One will wonder on the popularity of social networking sites. You’ll see that members are active enough that a ‘living’ community will be established and even flourish to the point that the fine line between offline and online connections will be hard to trace. I have to inject that it’s all about self-branding, it’s a glorified and, not to mention, an extensive ‘about’ page.

All the elements are present. From photos to your favourite colour. It’s a great way to get to know people, right? You’ve already bypassed the stage wherein you ask basic question and get right on to determining compatibility. All by just reading what’s written on the profile.

These casual references are a great source of information on the person. You can gauge whether you have similar tastes in books, mutual friends, same interests or if you’ve been to that never-heard-before place. These things are possible topics in your future conversations or perhaps future activities or even dates.

The person has used these tidbits in a place wherein there’s less pressure to “find a date” simply because he or she can simply be a member without outrightly saying “hey, I’m single and available!” Which is something that turns off potential users of dating sites. Did I make sense?

Self-branding or not, people who makes use of these casual references are opening themselves up for scrutiny. If a random person browses through their page or profile, this virtual stranger can and will assess whether he or she is a probable match.

Am I saying you ought to put weight on what you include in your profile even if it’s just a social networking site? Well, yes, if you are open to the idea that you can or will meet someone who will be interested enough to bring your online connection offline. But if you simply wish to keep a page in that site, it’s good to ask yourself why you have one. Because like it or not, that profile is a medium of self-branding.

Just my two cents. Hehe. Feel free to react, violent or otherwise. Go voice an opinion!

Post from: Blisstree

From Casual References to Self-Branding

In some countries, it’s more acceptable for women to introduce the guy to her family before entering the relationship. It’s all part of the courtship phase. My country is one of the countries wherein that sort of act is expected by society. However, times are changing and ‘dating’ has become an acceptable medium of ‘hooking up’ so some individuals fore go introductions until things become a whole lot more serious.

Now, it’s just finding the right time to make such introductions.

Personally, I prefer keeping my personal life private, not letting the guy be part of it, until I’m certain what he and I have is something serious. My reason for doing this is to keep my family from getting affected by becoming involved with a person who’s not certain if he’s going to stick around. I often even put off telling my brothers or sister about him until the time when I’m sure that I’m serious with the guy and vice versa. Sometimes, I even wait until we’re already together.

What about you guys? How do you gauge the right time to make the introductions? Do you put weight on letting the rest of your family know about him or her? Or it doesn’t really matter?

Post from: Blisstree

Right Time for Introductions

After selling Various Inc., the parent company of X-rated singles site Adult FriendFinder, to Penthouse for $500 million in December, Andrew Conru is getting his personal life in order and is reportedly settling down with a woman he met on another site he created and also sold, BigChurch.com.

Does that mean Penthouse now owns BigChurch?

Seems kinda sinful, don’cha think?

source: ValleyWag

Post from: Blisstree

Adult Friend Finder founder engaged to Church Lady

In a recent study conducted in New Zealand, women are going out in packs, getting drunk and surveying the market of who they’d like to have no-strings sex with.

That’s one of the findings of a TVNZ Sunday investigation into the sexual behavior of New Zealand women. The program makers did the story after Kiwi women last year topped the Durex Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey as the world’s most promiscuous.

They are reported to have an average of 20 sexual partners, double that of their Australian and British counterparts and almost three times the global average of seven.

This survey indicates there’s a new kind of mating ritual underway – and it’s sex first – date later.

If the first sexual experience leaves something to be desired, women aren’t going to waste their time pursuing the relationship further.

While women are finding the winds of change to be somewhat empowering, men are also feeling the impact.

According to a similar poll on sexual behaviors, 29% of the 5000 men surveyed felt they had been pressured into having sex or had had sex unwillingly. 

While I may be quite confident in my own sexuality and know exactly what I want and need, I still have a difficult time thinking that society is growing in a direction that no longer takes pride in long and emotionally fulfilling courtships.

Anything you’d like to add or are you just sitting there shaking your head like I did when I first read about the new sexual revolution?

Post from: Blisstree

Skip Dating and Hook-Up

Another thing is that I am certain that there are more than five points in which you should consider before entertaining his advances but I’m only limiting my list into these points for now.

Disapprobation at home
It may not be the case for some individuals but here in my country, it’s widely practiced that the person you do choose to date or enter into a relationship with is or should be someone whom you’re family will approve of. It may be in terms of want of a connection or general character disposition, this person should possess traits that the family should approve of. Plainly, he should not just get along with your family but also should be the sort that your family will entrust you to without fear or resentment.

Clarity of his intentions
Cynical as it appears, one should really stop and think, ask the appropriate questions, to determine his true intentions. Is he courting you because you’re the one or just a maybe? Is his interest relative to convenience? Does he show signs of sound judgment? Is there a history of repetitive behaviour doesn’t sit well with you? More importantly, you shouldn’t find yourself in the position of trying to convince yourself that his intentions are in sync with your expectations.

Depth of his affection
As quite normal for most newly formed attractions, singling you out from the rest of the other female genders will have its certain appeal. You will hear words that will solidify your own belief in his affections toward you. Time can indeed tell — no matter how much of a cliché that may sound — if his feelings goes far beyond the physical. Are you willing to get involved, surrender your heart, at an undetermined depth of affection? Will you be able to survive the occurrence of a change of heart? Or are you ready to bare all, render yourself vulnerable, to a half-baked relationship?

Appeal of his profession
Hard to believe that I’m including this bit on the list but, yes, I am. With good reason. At face value, it may look superficial but I’d like to bring your attention to the fine print. For men, their professions form a great part of their life. Some even equate their person to their profession. And my main concern is if your built to be a partner to that. That’s what we, women, will be, right? Their partners in life. There some things in this life that will be difficult for us too understand and we can only be lucky if the man we end up with will take time to teach us what they do. Will his profession hold your interest long? Will you tolerate conversations and dates which will revolve around it? It’s true that if we find ourselves the subject of interest of a successful man of his profession, we’ll highly be flattered and attracted to him in some way. But to actually have that man become part of your life is a different thing. You have to consider your needs, too.

Subject of his eloquence
This is where the subject of I, You and Us will be talked about (pun intended). I reckon it’s quite important for you to notice how he speaks, with emphasis on the matter not just the manner. The latter is only important if you’re particular about it. The former will tell you just how much of yourself will be visible in the relationship and how much of himself. Will your thoughts truly matter? Will he pay attention to your accomplishments? Will he acknowledge your talents and just how much you add onto his life? Or will you forever be a groupie whom he expects undivided attention and adoration? And this is if he is indeed eloquent in the first place. A major part of your relationship will rely on effective communication, you see.

These are just my two cents. I just want to share these things in the hope that it will help other women in choosing the right partner. Like I said earlier, there may be more considerations that women should know about. Feel free to add your own thoughts on the matter.

Post from: Blisstree

5 Considerations Before Entertaining His Advances

In case you guys didn’t know, 2008 is the Year of the Rat.

What she said was that this year is the year that women will most likely marry younger men or, at least, be attracted to them. So, I’m guessing they’re referring to single ladies who haven’t really considered the ‘younger market’.

I reckon this is good news then, yeah? More options, more prospects. I guess you ladies should give them younger men a shot a second look. They’re ripe for the picking. Hehe.

Post from: Blisstree

Dating, Marriage and the Year of the Rat