This abrupt and unexpected type of break-up can be the most emotionally crushing, but surprisingly with some time and mental control, can be one of the easiest to get over.  If you have just suffered from this experience, here are the steps to take to re-evaluate your view of the situation and find a way to pull yourself out of the depression that it may be causing you.

• Take care of yourself. You probably feel desperate, anxious, out of control, and like your whole world has just come crashing down around you.  Slow down, breathe, and realize that the world is still a wonderful place to live in.  Don’t punish yourself for what happened!  You deserve to be loved and you can start by loving yourself.

• Give yourself time. It is completely normal to feel sad and uncomfortable in your life now that you are alone.  Let yourself be sad for a little while.  It’s good to know that you are a human who can feel deeply and has the ability to care about someone.   Love yourself for being able to love someone else and accept that it will take time to move on and heal completely from this.

• Don’t try to get him back. Don’t focus your efforts on him.  Focus your efforts on healing yourself.  If he dumped you then you were not a perfect match and you need to let each of you go your separate ways.  It is hard to accept that you no longer have a future together, but the sooner you accept that then the sooner you will find happiness in your life.

• Re-evaluate your interpretation of the relationship. It is clear now that you are broken up that there was something missing in the relationship.  What was it?  Look back at your time together and be realistic.  Everything wasn’t perfect.  Try to understand where the problems were so that you can notice them next time you are in a relationship.  You had love blinders on and didn’t see the reality of the situation.  But maybe you can see it now and learn from it…

• It wasn’t a match. Regardless of how you felt about him, he wasn’t the one.  Everyone is different and everyone is looking for something different in their mate.  The sad reality is that he just wasn’t looking for you.  If you truly love him, then you will want him to find the person that is his match and will make him happy.  Whatever happened between you does not change who you are.  For now, focus on being the best person that you can be on your own.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

He Was The One and He Broke My Heart

A friend of mine found herself at the end of a relationship this week.  She suspected that things were off  and that a break-up was possibly in the near future, but when it happened, well her suspicions brought no comfort.  This woman, she is really the total package, bright, funny, successful, creative, honorable, lovely, and a good friend to many.  In an attempt to help my friend, I decided to do some research and if I found anything helpful, I’d share it with you. I was surprised to find that a lot of what works, well it’s just following your instincts and doing what comes natural. 

Avoid your ex, if at all possible. Time and distance are going to be the surest ways to a fully healed heart, but you can’t get there if you are constantly pulling that bandaid off. 

Cry if you need to cry - watch a funny movie, if you’d prefer to laugh. Movies are a great distraction.  Music helps, too.  When my marriage broke up, for some reason, it felt good to sing along with the sad songs.  I would listen to one particular Bonnie Raitt song, “I Can’t Make You Love Me,” continuously as I drove up and down the road just outside of town, trying to get my youngest to sleep when she had colic. I was wallowing and it helped me to move to the next step of my grief.  It’s healthy to allow yourself to feel bad.  

Get out of town.  If possible a change of venue can do wonders.  Even if it’s just for an afternoon.  Fill up a little cooler with sodas, grab some snacks, and take off for anywhere that’s elsewhere for awhile.  Escape the memories for a time or better yet, drive to some place that holds good memories for you – memories that have nothing to do with him.  Reinforce the idea that you were fine before you met him and with time you will be fine without him.    

Exercise, jump on your bike and work up a sweat. It is good your heart – both your soul and the muscle that pumps your blood.  If feels good to move, to do something for yourself that has nothing to do with your ex.  I never feel as in charge of my life and my future as when I finish a run. 

Pick up a journal to record your thoughts in, maybe doodle a bit.  I have a bit of an office supply obsession and I look for any excuse to buy a new pen, pick up a new notebook.  My local Barnes Barnes & Noble has a beautiful selection of  journals.  If you can’t find what you are looking for there, then pick up one of those old school black and white spotted composition notebooks and create your own cover by gluing wrapping paper or photos from a magazine onto it.  Crafts and hobbies – now is a good time to get creative.  Making something is fun and gives you a sense of accomplishment. 

Pick up a good book, something that will take your mind off your break-up, maybe a mystery or something from the vampire romance genre (spicy is very distracting).  Possibly something from Amazon.com which features hot new releases and is updated hourly.  Or chose a book that is an old friend – for me that would be something in a Harry Potter story or To Kill A Mockingbird.

If you are into meditation, you might try the imagery suggested in How to mend a broken heart in 5 easy steps from the Urban Monk.  Visualization works in many areas, the whole if you can see it, you can be it, school of thought.

How to Mend a Broken Heart from eHow.com, features a step-by-step list of what to do from day one on.  I’ve never seen such an extensive, heal your heart plan and I sent it over to my friend as soon as I found it. 

My last advice is to indulge in a little chocolate, but avoid too many margaritas.  A hang-over does not go well with a broken heart. 

Photo Credit – Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

How To Heal A Broken Heart