But ultimately, they are the choices we make and the choices we live with.  After only one infertility treatment my husband and I made a choice to stop treatments. Not only did we not have the finances but we also did not have the emotional or physical strength to do it again. Maybe that makes us weak but the process was pretty strenuous. In fact, I don’t know how people do it more than once.

I did an advanced infertility treatment right from the start, a treatment called ICSI, and it was extremely hard on my body.  I was bloated from all of the medications, constantly in pain, and the hatching and transfer was very painful for me because of my endometriosis scaring.

After the treatment failed (I knew the moment it did because of a hormone induced migraine) my husband and I knew that we had a choice to make and that we had to move on. Either we could continue to live childless, which was just not an option for us, or we could adopt.

Apparently, 10 percent of all couples today are facing infertility just like us. Some couples are successful with their treatments and some, like us, are not. Some couples make the choice to adopt and some chose to move on…childless. After years of trying to have children could you move on and not have children in your lives?  Obviously, it is a personal decision and one that each couple must make together. Not every couple can adopt a child. Likewise, not every couple can remain childless.

We simply could not see ourselves without children. Sure, there are mornings that I wake up and want more sleep or afternoons when I want to pull my hair out. But, when he falls asleep curled up in my lap all those thoughts are gone because I know we made the right choice. Our hearts are bigger for having him.

Post from: Blisstree

Moving On

Adoption has become a very controversial topic lately not only because of posts like this but even in the general public when people like Madonna adopt children who have parents still in the picture (and not ready to relinquish).

My husband and I adopted because we are infertile. We hope we are not, as many people see adoptive parents these days, baby stealers. We are parents of a fabulous 4 year old but we don’t think that we deserved him any more than anyone else deserves a child. Our journey to him was just as unique, just as adventurous, and just as special as anyone else’s pregnancy or adoption.

Our infertility is not the result of STD’s, weight, smoking, an abortion, age, or anything else self inflicted or choice related. Our infertility is the result of poor genetics and inherited reproductive issues. We were 26 when we started trying to get pregnant and we were nervous. I had already had one surgery to help with scar tissue and we knew that there was a possibility that I would be unable to conceive. What we did not know was that my husband had fertility issues as well.

My OB knew of all of my female issues so he sent us to a specialist after 6 months (most OB’s won’t even talk to you without trying for a year). We did some more testing and then one round of ICSI. What we found out after that one unsuccessful round was that we had LESS than one percent chance of conceiving WITH medical assistance.

So, when people say things like But infertility is a medical problem – not a social issue – that needs to be resolved with medical treatments and with preventative education. It is NOT resolved by being the recipient of a child that a mother was pressured – because of no alternatives – to let go because they don’t agree with adoption practices it breaks my heart.

Should we have lived the rest of our lives childless because medicine couldn’t help us or should we have been able to adopt a child?

Our first son was in a Russian orphanage for two years before we adopted him. His biological mother and father never visited him. They never sent one letter or message to him. They never attempted to make contact with him and didn’t even show up for court the day of his relinquishment hearing.

Were his birth parents pressured to relinquish him? (We know that social services stepped in.) Did we steal him from them? (Is it stealing if there is no contact?) Did we use our infertility as an excuse to adopt? (No, it was our way to build our family.)

Every country has their own political woes, poverty, and social injustice. I, however, am not fine with women having babies for ffinancial gain or for adoption representatives selling babies to make a buck and if I thought our second son was in that position I would NOT be adopting him.

Adoption has become an open subject (as it should be) but it needs reform. Unfortunately, its not all about open adoption records but how birth mothers are perceived in the media, the adoptive parent/birth parent relationship, how international adoptions are processed, how agencies run their programs, and I could go on. But, that is all for later…

Clicking publish. Your turn to talk.

Post from: Blisstree

Adoption; Infertility, Baby Stealing, and the need for Reform