“In other words, the AA founders were not zealously committed to the task of convincing any person that he might be an alcoholic, or of citing scientific proof that he could never be a controlled drinker. This was something the individual would have to decide for himself, even at the cost of getting drunk again. Is it irresponsible to tell an alcoholic to try drinking again if he thinks he can get away with it? Not really, because any person who believes that he can drink will probably do it no matter what is said to him. Our experience has certainly shown us that alcoholics do not usually respond to logic or intellectual arguments.”

Challenge my logical arguments? Certainly not when I’m drinking and you’ll probably elicit, at the least, an inward, instinctual, response today.

But the truth remains – I can’t personally get you sober or drunk nor can you me. Those who take the time and make the effort to blame AA or its members for their arriving home drunk, were simply looking for whatever excuse they could find to fulfill their obsession to drink alcohol.

As Mel also says (true of me): “When I was drinking, I would have listened to any person, no matter how sleazy his credentials, who told me I could keep on drinking.” No matter how sleazy!

Post from: Blisstree

It’s An Individual Decision

“For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed. With us it is just like that.”

I’m grateful this works for me. As does this;

“Here and there, once in a while, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these experiences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.”

That’s right – the Twelve Steps work. Well. They save lives. Then make us better human beings.

Priceless.

Post from: Blisstree

I Have Another Drunk In Me

“We must change playmates, playgrounds, and playthings”

Page 100-101: “Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn’t think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything!”

Which is effectively telling us that saying, in AA, that we must change our playmates, playgrounds and playthings isn’t necessarily correct – to the Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous, which tells us (pg. 16);

“The ultimate weapon for recovery is the recovering addict. We concentrate on recovery and feelings not what we have done in the past. Old friends, places and ideas are often a threat to our recovery. We need to change our playmates, playgrounds and playthings.”

Thoughts?

Post from: Blisstree

Who’s Willing To Tackle This?

From pages 180-181;

“I spend a great deal of time passing on what I learned to others who want it and need it badly. I do it for four reasons:

1. Sense of duty.
2. It is a pleasure.
3. Because in so doing I am paying my debt to the man who took time to pass it on to me.
4. Because every time I do it I take out a little more insurance for myself against a possible slip.”

The sentence I can identify with because I attempted to place blame on my father early on;

“So it doesn’t behoove me to squawk about it for, after all, nobody ever had to throw me down and pour liquor down my throat.”

Almost to the word what an oldtimer responded to me that night.

Post from: Blisstree

More From Dr. Bob

“If you think you are an atheist, an agnostic, a skeptic, or have any other form of intellectual pride which keeps you from accepting what is in this book, I feel sorry for you. If you still think you are strong enough to beat the game alone, that is your affair. But if you really and truly want to quit drinking liquor for good and all, and sincerely feel that you must have some help, we know that we have an answer for you. It never fails, if you go about it with one half the zeal you have been in the habit of showing when you were getting another drink.”

Dr. Bob apparently knew nothing of pc recovery or stroking someone’s feathers to help them into recovery. Thankfully…

Post from: Blisstree

Dr. Bob Said It Really Well

Terror – Extreme or intense fear.

Bewilderment – Confused or perplexed.

Despair – To give up all hope or expectation.

Frustration – Dissatisfied, agitated, and/or discontent because one is unable to perform an action or fulfill a desire.

It’s no coincidence that they follow directly the seeking out of “sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval.”

It is also no coincidence that shortly thereafter we find;

“He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.”

Please, pay attention in meetings and you’ll hear those of us who will say they “wished they could die.” If that thought has your “hinge” working (you’re shaking your head in an acknowledging motion), you’re probably in the right place.

[Alcoholics Anonymous, pages 151-152]

Post from: Blisstree

The Hideous Four Horsemen

Yet, there will come a time…

We must change playmates, playgrounds, and playthings???

Page 100-101: “Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn’t think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything!”

Alcoholic Mind – Spiritual Status …

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Playmates and Playgrounds

From “Living Sober” we’re told something profoundly simple on page 3;

“We have found that for us recovery began with not drinking – with getting sober and staying completely free of alcohol in any amount, and in any form. We have also found that we have to stay away from other mind-changing drugs. We can move toward a full and satisfying life only when we stay sober. Sobriety is the launching pad for our recovery.”

That ain’t middle-of-the-road psycho-babble, that is directly out of AA approved literature! This is for those who have questioned the presence of the word “abstinence” in our literature. If you’re not certain that completely free of alcohol in any amount, and in any form is abstinence I’d suggest looking under your feet to make sure what planet you’re on… While you’re doing that – also notice that it says that the marijuana (anything mind-changing) maintenance program doesn’t work either.

See if any of this applies to you or you can identify. “Living Sober” goes on to say on pages 4-5;

“Many of us, when we first began to drink, never wanted or took more than one or two drinks. But as time went on, we increased the number. Then, in later years, we found ourselves drinking more and more, some of us getting and staying very drunk. Maybe our condition didn’t always show in our speech or our gait, but by this time we were never actually sober.

If that bothered us too much, we would cut down, or try to limit ourselves to just one or two, or switch from hard liquor to beer or wine. At least, we tried to limit the amount, so we would not get too disastrously tight. Or we tried to hide how much we drank.”

For the last couple of weeks I have had the “pleasure/displeasure” of watching someone sneak drinks out of small bottles hidden in the company bathroom. I can imagine the thoughts that race through this person’s mind as they stare into the full-length mirror that is unavoidably right in your face as you turn that bottle up.

“But all these measures got more and more difficult. Occasionally, we even went on the wagon, and did not drink at all for a while.

Eventually, we would go back to drinking – just one drink. And since that apparently did no serious damage, we felt it was safe to have another. Maybe that was all we took on that occasion, and it was a great relief to find we could take just one or two, then stop. Some of us did that many times.”

Yours truly being one of them…

“But the experience proved to be a snare. It persuaded us that we could drink safely. And then there would come the occasion (some special celebration, a personal loss, or no particular event at all) when two or three made us feel fine, so we thought one or two more could not hurt. And with absolutely no intention of doing so, we found ourselves again drinking too much. We were right back where we had been – overdrinking without really wanting to.”

And, once again, coming to in the morning PO’d because I swore I wasn’t going to do it again!

“Such repeated experiences have forced us to this logically inescapable conclusion: If we do not take the first drink, we never get drunk. Therefore, instead of planning never to get drunk, or trying to limit the number of drinks or the amount of alcohol, we have learned to concentrate on avoiding only one drink: the first one.”

Abstinence.

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We Concentrate On Avoiding Only One Drink

“We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn’t it because self-reliance failed us?”

I had been taught, by those who did not know, that if I wanted something done right, I had to do it myself. Little did they realize I had no clue how to do things right! But I did it again and again…

“Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn’t go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn’t fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.”

I must have been in a “black-out” that day… self-confidence?

“Perhaps there is a better way – we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely upon Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.”

Now – there’s something that can work for me! Peace in the eye of the storm? Yeah… Oh, you said humbly rely upon Him eh? Well – okay.

“We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength.”

I just had a thought – A.A. has brought me out of the depths of hell, saved my life and, no doubt, the lives of those who were around me. Yet there are those who wish AA would die? I don’t, we don’t, force you to stay nor do we attempt to force you to shut up. But I can tell you this without fear. God is for me and, if you’re not, you can KMA! (My, how spiritual lol)

“The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.”

Wouldn’t you like to outgrow fear?

Now about sex… oh, sorry, you’ll have to refer to the book… then you’ll understand the title of this post.

Post from: Blisstree

Directly Prior To Sex

The Hideous Four Horsemen:
Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair

Hideous? – Hateful; shocking. Syn. — Frightful; ghastly; grim; grisly; horrid; dreadful; terrible.

Terror – Extreme or Intense Fear

Bewilderment – Confused, Puzzled, Befuddled, Disorientated

Frustration – The feeling of annoyance when one’s actions are criticized or hindered

Despair – Loss of hope; utter hopelessness; complete despondency.

From page 151;

“For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination.”

Know any “normal” folks? How long has it been since your drinking was convivial? When was the last time your drinking introduced you to a healthy relationship? And how long has it been since your imagination morphed into nothing more than nightmares?

“It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good.”

Care? Who gives a damn! Boredom? Being chased by blue lights isn’t boring, is it? Worry? Heck, its become old hat to be wondering about how I’ll provide for my family. That’s no worry anymore – back to who cares? Pour me another…

“Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it.”

Yeah, but I don’t drink nearly as bad as my buddy Jerry…

“As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker.”

This time will be different. Hey – check her out…

“Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did – then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen – Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair.”

Ouch, this feeling sucks. How did I get here? Hey bartender, 101 on the rocks and keep my glass full okay?

Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!

Post from: Blisstree

The Hideous Four Horsemen