Sometimes I hear the kids arguing and one of them will use a word or phrase that is not a normal part of their vocabulary. For example, not many 17 year-old boys would say this, “You are the most deceitful person that I have ever met.” Instead they would say something like this, “You are a liar.”

Sometimes people get jealous. They worry that someone is slipping away, that they are losing their influence. They worry that they might be losing the love or complete attention of another person and when this happens, they turn to coercion. They hit on a person’s frailties, on his or her fears until they chip away a chunk of their confidence. I’m talking their self-confidence as well as the confidence that they may have in their relationship. I find this sort of selfish and destructive behavior disgusting.

When I heard the “deceitful” statement, it was clearly a case of an individual parroting another persons bad intentions. These teenagers are still figuring things out. They need a supportive environment to do that. They don’t need outside sources filling their heads with doubts. How are they supposed to develop healthy relationships if their biggest influences are not healthy to start with? If things do not work out between them, they will still take the lessons that they learned during this relationship with them. They will suspect the next person is deceitful or jealous or whatever term they throw at each other.

Sorry to be a bit on the cryptic side, but we just had a scene here that was ridiculous and totally without merit. I do not appreciate people messing with the kids. Teenagers are not property to control. They are young adults who will soon be on their own, especially when they are 17 and almost 18. They deserve the best guidance we have to give. 

Image credit: Chase Your Bliss Photography

Why do I have to admit the exact nature of my wrongs to another human being?

Page 72:

“The best reason first: If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome drinking. Time after time newcomers have tried to keep to themselves certain facts about their lives. Trying to avoid this humbling experience, they have turned to easier methods. Almost invariably they got drunk. Having persevered with the rest of the program, they wondered why they fell. We think the reason is that they never completed their housecleaning. They took inventory all right, but hung on to some of the worst items in stock. They only thought they had lost their egoism and fear; they only thought they had humbled themselves. But they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty, in the sense we find it necessary, until they told someone else all their life story.”

We are masters of self-delusion! Consider this;

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From the book “Back To Basics” (though I’m certain these definitions might be found anywhere…)

To be used as a guide for a Fourth Step - Liabilities and their definitions.

Resentment - “When we are angry or bitter toward someone for an extended period of time over some real or imagined insult, we are feeling resentment. It is a hostile or indignant attitude in response to an alleged affront or personal injury.”

False Pride - “is either feeling better than or less than someone else. Feelings of superiority include prejudice about race, education or religious beliefs, and sarcasm - putting someone else down to make us feel better about ourselves. Feelings of inferiority include self-pity - dwelling on one’s own problems, and low self-esteem - the lack of self-worth or self-respect.”

Envy - “wanting someone else’s possessions.”

Jealousy - “being suspicious of another’s motives or doubting the faithfulness of a friend.”

Selfishness - “concern only for ourselves, our own welfare or pleasure, without regard for, or at the expense of, others.”

Laziness - “means lacking the will or the desire to work. Procrastination, which is postponing or delaying an assigned job or task, is a form of laziness.”

Dishonesty - “theft or deception. It includes taking things that don’t belong to us, cheating people out of what is rightfully theirs, and lying to or witholding the truth from others.”

Fear - “is being afraid of losing something we have or not getting something we want. It manifests itself in many ways including phobia, terror, panic, anxiety and worry.”