It was in Monterey, Ca. actually, to a fiery brunette soldier from Texas. She still has it, it may not feel like it to her right now. But, she does still have it. Somewhere in the fall of 1979, When I saw her, I was a goner. It has been a couple of times around the block and my heart still skips a beat. Perhaps lopes would be a better term. For the past couple of years it hasn’t felt like it has still been this way. I have had a problem.

I’m not going to be able to explain this clearly, but I want to try. My problems haven’t been with my beautiful bride of the past nearly three decades. They are me. and I don’t know if I can even fully understand. Because I am not a self-examining type of person. Now, There is an understatement!

What I am coming to understand is that I have lost heart over the events of the past two or three years. In my health, I Have had a battle. One after the other, but that isn’t it. I have had struggles with my career and my satisfaction with it. Still not it. I have lost part of myself in a number of facets in my life. Marye and I have struggled in our relationship and that is my fault. Unfortunately that isn’t all of it. And I don’t know the “All” of it. What I do know is that I haven’t lost heart. Elseways, I would have taken my life a couple of years ago.

I have lost my heart. It is still in God’s hands, but I haven’t a clue where it is. I have been looking. I have been reading and praying and I want it back. This is I guess what I have been futilely trying

to find the words to say. Maybe it is just numb from all of the prescription narcotic drugs that I am currently on. I am hoping and praying that in finding it and resuscitating it it will be right again.

Can I have it back now Lord?

So Kid, bear with me a little longer. I think I found it and I’m dusting it off,cleaning it up with the Lord’s help and bringing it back top life.

I love you and yes i want to talk. Maybe we can use the cards. You are worth it all!

me

Post from: Blisstree

I Lost My heart, South of San Francisco…

A friend e-mailed me the video below and I had to share it with y’all.

Enjoy!!! Click on the link below for the clip.

male_and_female_brains

“Priceless”

Post from: Blisstree

Sometimes I Wonder…

Who do you go to to discuss the issues and struggles in your marriage?  More importantly, what is your motive?  Who is YOUR go to girl/guy?

The reason I am asking is that I have been thinking alot about this very thing.  When Marc and I have an issue that I need outside input on, who do I go to and why?

Let’s face it, we all need to confide in someone and get advice once in awhile.  I have two kinds of friends.  Those that I talk to to just talk it out with, the ones  that I use as a sounding board.  Actually, the ONE I use as a sounding board because this is only one person.  She is a long time friend and a sister in heart, and I feel safe with her.  I can say anything that comes to mind and I know she will not judge Marc or I on it.  I don’t generally ask her for advice however, because she knows me so well that it is almost like getting advice from myself.  I don’t know if that makes sense…but there you have it.

The other friend that I talk to is more for accountability.  Generally I don’t say everything that comes to mind.  I don’t call her or email her when I am furious, I try to calm down and think things out logically.  I want her to look at what I am saying and give me her thoughts and insights. I don’t want to risk saying anything to her that is not true in the heated rage of the moment.

I used to, a long time ago, have someone I went to because they would believe me, sympathize with me, and tell me how I was right.  I could get away with twisting things to sound better, downplaying my role in a problem, and I suppose, by my present standards, outright lie about what I had done.

I got lots of emotional strokes but you know what? I didn’t grow.  It wasn’t until someone had the guts to tell me that I needed to get real with myself that I began to be honest with God and with me AND with everyone else about who I was.  Yep.  I took off the fig leaves and stepped in to the light.  You can’t hide from God and you can’t hide from yourself for long.

I want people in my life that love me enough to tell me the truth.  That look at my sin and mistakes, and just crappy character traits and are willing to risk telling me I need to change.  I want people I can trust in my life.

I am lucky enough to have a couple of these people in my life.  I am secure in thier friendship and love.  I can mess up with them and be forgiven.  I don;t have to be right, I don;t have to have them agree with me, I don’t have to impress them with my super-spirituality and maturity.

So I ask you.  Who is speaking into you life?  Are you going to people that don’t hold the same values and beliefs as you for advice and for accountability?  Are you being deceptive with the people you are seeking advice from by down playing what you have done?

Marc came out and took total responsibility for what he had done.  He didn’t down play it.  He has admitted that it is a long time pattern.  I had a few concerns that he was just saying that to smooth things over and that he really felt that I had over reacted.  I even asked him point blank this morning.  But he says he did not just say it and you know what? I am choosing to trust him.  I am choosing to trust that, although my heart is still not wholly convinced,  he is not going to go back on what he has said and tell someone that it wasn’t that big of a deal, or that he didn’t do anything wrong.

Men have a tendency to blame their wives for their mistakes.  It started with Adam.  “She gave me the apple God.  Yeah, I took a bite but she gave it to me…and HEY, YOU are the one that put her here with me anyway…”

Be a man if you are a male.  Don’t do that.  Please?

Marc is seeking accountability from godly people.  He isn’t looking for people to tell him he didn’t do anything wrong, or give him strokes emotionally. I admire and love that about him.  And his willingness to do that makes me willing to move ahead in a positive way.

So, how do you know if someone is the type of person that should be allowed to speak into your life?

Here are my thoughts.

1. They share your spiritual beliefs.  This is big.  If you are a Christian, honestly nothing a non-Christian advises you is going to be what you need.  They have a different perspective.  Not wrong necessarily, but different.  It’s like asking a man which tampon you should buy.
2. They have character qualities that you admire.
3. They are honest no matter what.
4. Your motive is truth and perspective, not compassion, sympathy, or someone to tell you you are right and your spouse is an idiot.
5. They encourage you to be honest, loving, and fair with your spouse.
6. They have not only your best interest, but the best interest of your spouse at heart.  If they start criticising your spouse then you are talking to the wrong person.  Please note, pointing out that your spouse is doing something wrong is not criticizing.   Two examples:  Positive: Your spouse is wrong for hitting you.    Negative: Your spouse is such a freaking idiot and doesn’t deserve you.
7. You have a real relationship with them.  If you have only emailed with your childhood friend, that you haven’t seen in several years, trust me.  They don;t know you well enough to make a call in your situation.
8. Relatives are not a good choice.  They will almost always “be on your side” and it is almost never helpful in getting past your issues.  Besides, when the issue is resolved? The family member generally holds a grudge against your spouse.  A LOT of mother in law problems start right here.
9. No more than one or two people should be in on the issue.  More than that is a pity party.I  tend to do this, although not as much as I used to.  I am growing.
10. If you are a Christian or a Jew your first “go-to” should be God. If you are not, then perhaps meditation, a Spiritual leader,or a long walk would be in order before you begin seeking counsel.

Seriously, take a look at your motives in what you do.  The heart is deceptive above all things.  It is easy to make ourselves believe that we have good motives when we do not.  And most of us know how to lull our conscience to sleep.

Before you seek advice, input, or just a soundingboard make sure that it will be a healthy thing for your relationship to bring this person into it.

Have you ever confided in someone and then figured out it was a really bad idea?   How did you handle it?  Remember that your comments can help others who are battling to figure out what to do.

Image: SXC

Post from: Blisstree

Who Is Your Go To?

It is COLD!  It is one of those gray, cold, if-it-would-snow-it-would-be-warmer days that I have only experienced in Texas.  Every once in awhile the sky spews some ice pellets and then goes back to icy broodiness.  So, the lovely red laptop and I are cuddled in bed, catching up on work.

And I thought hookers were the only ones that could say that!

Kyrie woke up (in our bed) throwing up this morning so she is asleep next to me.  Quite peaceful.  Another Hallmark moment at my house.So as I was skating (it is too cold to surf) the internet I found an article in OneIndia that says that romantic comedies, like Notting Hill (one of my favorites) are bad for marriages because they encourage unrealistic expectations.

(My mom magnet is working again, Nick just climbed in bed on the other side of me, pretty soon the dog will be in here..)

I don’t know.  I mean I can kind of see what they are saying.If you are believing that marriage can be like that 24/7 365 days a year then yeah you are probably going to be disappointed.  But…ah..you knew that was coming, right?

(Here comes Matt, that same mommy magnet..I have four of my six kids in here now…Shiloh just came in…)

But…why shouldn’t we work as hard on our marriages to make them fun, fulfilling and romantic as we work on our jobs or hobbies? Most people I know will spend much more time researching some new thing they are interested in and never think about working half as hard on their relationship.  I know a person that has the most average, mediocre marriage on the planet and will literally pour their energies into hobbies and interests but will do nothing but complain about how average and mediocre their marriage is.

True, movies are not reality.  They  are scripted.  Yet, with a little effort you can bring those romantic moments into your marriage and make it special.

I see romantic movies as more of an inspiration..an idea file…a breeding ground for ideas and fantasy.  Maybe I just need to grow up and be more practical.

Hell no.  I would rather die than be mediocre. 

So, you?  What do you think? Romantic comedies …yea or nay?

By the way, keep your eyes open..I will be posting a very cool giveaway in the next 24 hours.

Image:morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

Can Romantic Comedies Ruin Your Marriage

I have several things to do and yet I keep finding these interesting tidbits.  Are you ready for this one?

No, you aren’t ….Trust me, you are SO… NOT ready for this…

Beef Jerky Underwear.

I told you you weren’t ready.

Image:morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

Be a Wild Man…No More Tighty Whities

The Boston Herald recently did an article about how celebrity couples divvy up household chores.  They talked to several couples, including the Travoltas, the Brodericks, and the Hawn-Russells and took notes on what each spouse does.  How do you think it compares to your marriage?

I read through and found that, overall, women are responsible for running the house whether thei income is in the millions or double digits.

I don’t find this odd.  I have never claimed to be a feminist and I think that gender roles are not so much societal as inborn.  You cna disagree if you want but I have never seen a little girl shoot someone with a banana before she was a year old..On the other hand my boys all seemed to create weapons from whatever was at hand.  Shiloh, who is the 5th child, sandwiched between boys, used to rock crickets and sing them lullabies.   We never forced any of our children into a role.  We are homeschoolers, with the tendency to be unschoolers…free spirited..follwo your own drummer sort of people…they do what they do because they were made that way…

Since Marc and I switched roles I can honestly say that, as always, he is a great dad.  But he sucks at being a mom. And personally, I prefer to cook the bacon than bring it home.

Household chores are done MUCH differently when men are doing them than women.  Not that they shouldn’t be  shared, mind you, just that you better think about who is going to do what.

Marc can tell when to shift the gears in a standard transmission by the sound of it. I can tell when the vacuum needs to be serviced by the sound of it (even when I am in another room).  Anyway…I think that men and women can learn to do things that aren’t *normal* for them personally but I am not sure that they are as good at it.

I think that men are more detail oriented when it comes to spatial relationships,encouragement, mechanical things, the things that protect and encourage, and women are more detail oriented when it comes to feelings, emotions, and visuals..the things that comfort.

So about the chores.How do you split them up?  Equally? Guy stuff/girl stuff?  Woman does it all and husband drinks beer?  Man does it all and wife eats chocolate?

Or do you need Matthew Broderick to come take out your trash?  I think I read he changes lightbulbs, too.

Image: Wikipedia, GNU Free Documentation License

Post from: Blisstree

Celebrity Couples’ Domestic Duties: Matthew Broderick Takes Out the Trash

I have, on more than one occasion, been accused of being a perfectionist.  I always chuckle a little at that because my mom told me once that I was certainly not a perfectionist, or I would do things better.  (ie:not screw up so much).  I spent much of my teen years learning how to be perfect…or, like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way.

Every time I was teased, criticized or passed up for a date I analyzed it, added the information to the program, and rebooted.

By the time Marc and I got married I thought I had it figured out, and when I was in my 30s I definitely had it figured out.  Clean house, well behaved kids, not overweight, wears make-up…check

Sews, grinds wheat to make bread, doesn’t cuss…check

Doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, incredible in bed….check

Homeschools, homebirths, involved in church activities…check

Last night I listened to my oldest daughter  relate what an imperfect mom I was… it wasn’t malicious..she thought she was being funny.

I have been totally unable to lose the extra 20 lbs I picked up with the birth of Kyrie, five years ago.  Since we moved into this house I have been unable to get organized enough to keep it clean, and with the writing that I do I rarely get a chance to make bread let alone grind wheat…Maybe once or twice a month.

Today I realized I felt the way I did in boot camp.  Totally unsure how I got here, why, or where I am going…Not sure which of my talents and abilities to use to survive.  For someone who is used to surviving and thriving by taking cues from the world and people around her, I ….am…..screwed.

If being perfect wasn’t good enough what do I do now?

I was always led to believe that when you give [enter challenge description here] your best shot you overcome.  You win.  You  tame the beast.  You ride off into the sunset.  Sure, it takes persistence and hard work but that is nothing compared to the joy of knowing that you did it.

If you can work a little harder, concentrate a little more, be a little prettier, thinner, or smarter you can do anything…

Can’t you?

A few years ago there was a page that people would send in their email.  It said “You have reached the end of the internet”. It was really funny.

I feel like I have reached the end of something.  There is nowhere left to go.  I have given “it” my best shot and failed.  If perfection isn’t good enough I don’t have anything left…at least not physically or emotionally.

Spiritually I never felt the need to be perfect because you can’t be, can you…I mean that is what Christ did for us, released us from the need to be spiritually perfect.

When we realize our perfection, spiritually speaking, isn’t good enough then we fall back on Christ, who stepped in and did for us what we couldn’t do for ourselves…but in the physical realm?

If my best isn’t good enough where do I go from here?

image:morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

When Being Perfect Isn’t Good Enough

Remember Jackie Gleason (Ralph Cramden)  whenever his wife Alice (Audrey Meadows) would upset him over some thing or a scheme he didn’t like.

It’s funny how any problem or situation they were in was resolved in one thirty-minute episode.  The pushy bus driver, dim witted sewer worker friend Norton (Art Carney) and their wives always pulled through.  Even with the commercials cutting in on their time.   Wouldn’t it be nice if we could solve our problems in thirty minutes or less?

As long as we don’t have to relive them in re-runs or worse syndication.

Sometimes today with quick this and instant that, we have unrealistic beliefs that it’ll be over soon and it will be gone forever.   Like NOW!

Ever have a situation like that?

I think I need to watch some of The Honeymooners.

image:wikimedia

Post from: Blisstree

To the moon Alice! To the moon!!

According to the poll on the side bar the wife does.  The vast majority of our readers said “wife”.

So the question is, is it because she is better at it or it is more convenient?

I was actually kind of surprised, thought that the husband would be the one.

The next poll, the one for December, asks the question, “Where Do You Spend Christmas?”

This can be a source of frustration for many couples.  His parents? Her parents? Home?  It was not difficult for Marc and I… His parents lived 1,500 miles away and my mom didn’t like to cook.  So we went to my parents house on Christmas Eve for pizza and my parents came to our house for Christmas adn Christmas dinner.  But when our daughter got married there were some problems …HER inlaws lived 1,500 miles away but she wanted to spend Christmas with us and her husband prefered it to be just “their “family.  He felt, I think, overwhelmed by the closeness and size of our family, and the ties therein.  It seems to have worked out now, seven years later, but was a bit uncomfortable all around for awhile.

So, where will you spend Christmas and are you happy with that choice?

image:morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

Who Controls the Money?

When I wrote the post on Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) I was hoping for someone that practiced it to comment.  It is all very well to think you know something from your own point of view but, as we all know, it is always good to look at the other side of it.

Penny commented on the post, and when I emailed here and asked if she would allow me to make her comment into a  post she graciously said yes. She has also agreed to answer your questions.

Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) is a lifestyle.  Some people that practice it believe that it is scriptural while others, like Penny, believe that it is just not condemned by scripture. Here is a website that believes that it is scriptural, and also has a lot of basic information.

Here is Penny’s story:

I am a woman who practices this lifestyle. Contrary to what you all seem to think, this is most definitely not a control issue, least of all not for my husband.

Most couples who practice this begin to do so because the wife brings the subject to her husband’s attention. Almost without fail, it is the woman who wants this life. It is certainly the case with us. It took much talking before my husband agreed to trying this.

As far as I know, most CDDers do not claim that this is commanded by Scripture, but rather that it is not condemned. Huge difference there.

As for how things work – hubby and I sat down and discussed the things which I need to work on (my temper is a big one, since I fear that the children will suffer from my outbursts), and we discussed the punishments which will follow the breaking of each rule. To be clear – Hubby and I discussed these things together, and came to a mutual agreement. The whole CDD lifestyle was my idea.

There are some safeguards in place – hubby’s idea. A rule can never be made but what will benefit either me or the family (i.e. he can not tell me to get him a drink and punish me if I don’t).

We have a frank discussion every six months, to make changes if needed.  At these times, I weigh in completely honestly. Of course, we are completely honest with each other at all times – no marriage works otherwise.

I don’t mind answering some questions, as long as they are appropriate and not distasteful.   Feel free to ask.

So there you have it.  You may ask any question you like in the comment section and Penny will do her best to answer it.

I will add a caveat to that, however.  This has the potential to be an emotional, and passionate discussion because people will have strong opinions.  You may add your comment however:

• No swearing.  Seriously folks, cussing is the evidence of a small mind and limited vocabulary.
• Comments must not attack anyone.
• Marc and I will edit any comment we feel is detrimental to the conversation.

So, ask your questions, and hopefully Penny will be able to give you the answers.

image:morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

Christian Domestic Discipline: A Reader’s Story