And a few other boring characters…

From Mel’s article “Open-Meeting Bores”

The challenge? AA … “is greatly imperiled by the great blanket of boredom that stifles many meetings from coast to coast.”

Mel’s research and conclusion: “Having arrived at the conclusion that boring meetings and groups were caused by boring members, I began to look for some means of identifying just who these members really were. Surprisingly, they were the same fellows I have seen in my own bathroom shaving mirror from time to time.”

The first in Mel’s cast of boring characters;

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Moving along in our book “Living Sober” we find ourselves at page 13 and we’re about to get active…

“It is very hard just to sit still trying not to do a certain thing, or not even to think about it. It’s much easier to get active and do something else - other than the act we’re trying to avoid.

So it is with drinking. Simply trying to avoid a drink (or not think of one), all by itself, doesn’t seem to be enough. The more we think about the drink we’re trying to keep away from, the more it occupies our mind, of course. And that’s no good. It’s better to get busy with something, almost anything, that will use our mind and channel our energy toward health.

Thousands of us wondered what we would do, once we stopped, with all that time on our hands… all those hours we had once spent planning, getting our drinks, drinking… turned into big, empty holes of time that had to be filled somehow.

We needed new habits of activity to fill those open spaces…

Recovered alcoholics often say, “Just stopping drinking is not enough.” Just not drinking is a negative, sterile thing. That is clearly demonstrated by our experience. To stay stopped, we’ve found we need to put in place of the drinking a positive program of action. We’ve had to learn how to live sober.”

Isn’t that interesting? Learning how to live sober! Rather than perceiving life as one continuously unsolvable problem…

Making use of the slogan “Live and Let Live” - from the book “Living Sober.”

“An ancient sage said that none of us should criticize another until we have walked a mile in the other person’s boots. This wise advice can give us greater compassion for our fellow human beings. And putting it into practice makes us feel much better than being hung over.

‘Let Live’ - yes. But some of us find just as much value in the first part of the slogan: ‘Live!’

When we have worked out ways to enjoy our own living fully, then we are content to let other people live any way they want. If our own lives are interesting and productive, we really have no impulse or desire to find fault with others or worry about the way they act.

Can you think right this minute of someone who bothers you?

If you can, try something. Postpone thinking about him or her and whatever it is about the person that riles you. You can boil inside about it later if you want to. But for right now, why not put it off while you read the next paragraph?

Live! Be concerned with your own living. In our opinion, staying sober opens up the way to life and happiness. It is worth sacrificing many a grudge or argument… Okay, so you didn’t manage to keep your mind completely off that other person. Let’s see whether the suggestion coming next will help.”

What a concept. Live a good life. Then the other person doesn’t affect you the same way.

After you’ve had the magnificent opportunity to have been a satisfied customer of Alcoholics Anonymous for some time you gather what is called “experience.” With that experience along with the Twelve Steps, there also comes a moment now and then when you “intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.”

One such moment occurred in the last day or so when I “listened” to a fellow alcoholic share in a general way and use words that offer someone whose seen them before, some intuitive insight that this person wasn’t quite right emotionally.

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I was speaking with a female friend yesterday. A couple of months ago her daughter gave birth to her first grandchild.

Not long after the baby was born the mother and, more specifically, the father, returned to their addictions. Mom could very well be a “social” experimenter but Dad is certainly one of “us.” He has come and gone a number of times in the last 9 years yet has not been able to remain clean or sober.

Within a short time, the baby’s parent’s had resorted to calling in bogus prescriptions for xanax, again. The law enforcement community here knows the father to the extent that he has been banned from filling prescriptions in any pharmacy in the county, yet they tried.

They were caught. Not exactly rocket science…

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To continue the “What A Concept” thoughts…

We return to “Living Sober” and page 12;

“We’ll meet some people in A.A. or elsewhere who won’t be exactly crazy about us, either. So all of us try to respect the rights of others to act as they choose (or must). We can then expect them to give us the same courtesy. In A.A., they generally do.”

I’m not so sure I want to develop expectations along those lines.

This goes on to say: “Usually, people who like each other - in a neighborhood, a company, a club, or A.A. - gravitate toward each other. When we spend time with people we like, we are less annoyed by those we don’t particularly care for.”

The interesting concept then follows;

“As time goes on, we find we are not afraid simply to walk away from people who irritate us, instead of meekly letting them get under our skin, or instead of trying to straighten them out just so they will suit us better.”

Yes, Micky/David/Patrick is a PIA. Walk away… what a concept! We can walk away from irritation.

So, you say you’ve been making your relationships better because you’re not drinking anymore. Your wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend is acting nicely towards you today. Your children aren’t running around with computer eyes wondering when you’ll lose your cool.

The neighbors say “good morning,” the boss says “good morning,” people smile at you as they pass by. The young lady at the coffee shop has a kind greeting for you.

It seems as if you’re not raising your middle finger to other drivers nor they to you. You have extra time when you arrive at work. You have extra time when you arrive home.

Your grades are better.

You feel a part of life again. The birds’ chirping isn’t irritating today. The wind in the air doesn’t matter to your hairdo. It isn’t a chore to open your umbrella to walk through the rain. Flowers smell good again.

You can go to a bar alone and hang out and not pick up a drink. Play darts or pool. Yeah - even when that moment comes, when an old colleague walks in and asks “how about a quick one,” you stand firm and say “no.”

Then, at night, you come to your home group and tell us how wonderful you’re doing with this sobriety thing. Sounds like you want a pat on the back. You’re not getting it!

Think its cold? Consider for a brief moment all the damage you did during those years of destructive drinking. Consider for a moment that that was not the way your Creator made you. Consider that now, you are simply doing what your Creator had intended you to be doing. And give the credit where it belongs. Remember - you had place yourself beyond human aid. It took an Act of Providence to be sober. On your own, you’d no doubt still be drunk.

Yes, I’m being a bit facetious…

From “Living Sober” on page 11;

“To begin to put the concept of ‘Live and Let Live’ into practice, we must face this fact: There are people in A.A., and everywhere else, who sometimes say things we disagree with, or do things we don’t like.”

Ya’ think?

“Learning to live with differences is essential to our comfort. It is exactly in those cases that we have found it extremely helpful to say to ourselves, ‘Oh, well, Live and Let Live.’”

How often did you wind up with a resentment and drink at someone simply because you didn’t like what they had to say or they had a differing opinion and refused to see it your way?

“We have learned it pays to make a very special effort to try to understand other people, especially anyone who rubs us the wrong way. For our recovery, it is more important to understand than to be understood.”

The First One!

From “Living Sober” we’re told something profoundly simple on page 3;

“We have found that for us recovery began with not drinking - with getting sober and staying completely free of alcohol in any amount, and in any form. We have also found that we have to stay away from other mind-changing drugs. We can move toward a full and satisfying life only when we stay sober. Sobriety is the launching pad for our recovery.”

That ain’t middle-of-the-road psycho-babble, that is directly out of AA approved literature! This is for those who have questioned the presence of the word “abstinence” in our literature. If you’re not certain that completely free of alcohol in any amount, and in any form is abstinence I’d suggest looking under your feet to make sure what planet you’re on… While you’re doing that - also notice that it says that the marijuana (anything mind-changing) maintenance program doesn’t work either.

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Okay, I’ve heard it a thousand times… and, guess what? I think I did the same thing!

A couple of days, weeks, months of not drinking. No sponsor. No Steps. No clue.

But - you’re smart. Or, you really don’t want us to know your truth.

So you wear a mask of “I’m sober today.” You wear a mask of “I’d like to thank my Higher Power whom I choose to call God that I’m sober today, I’ll pass…” When you’re asked what your sobriety date is you say “April, 2008.” If you’re asked what Step you’re on you tell us “well, in rehab they got us up to 9. So - 9.”

The challenge you face is that you simply cannot - CANNOT - deceive those who made deception a life practice!!! That’s who we are… been there, done that. Oh, and don’t think you can come up with anything original either. It’s all been done.

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