From Mel’s article “Open-Meeting Bores”

The challenge? AA … “is greatly imperiled by the great blanket of boredom that stifles many meetings from coast to coast.”

Mel’s research and conclusion: “Having arrived at the conclusion that boring meetings and groups were caused by boring members, I began to look for some means of identifying just who these members really were. Surprisingly, they were the same fellows I have seen in my own bathroom shaving mirror from time to time.”

The first in Mel’s cast of boring characters;

“First there is Drink-by-Drink Dave! And I don’t care how new in AA you are, you have met him! Dave is a well-meaning soul, and I love him like a brother, as do all the other folks at the meeting. But there are some of us who would rather face the electric chair than hear once more about all the drinking that Dave did in Panama or in Albuquerque, or in Los Angeles, or when he was drafted into the Army. Dave seems to feel that he has to prove how severe his alcoholic problem was, and that this proof can be established by demonstrating not only the continuity of drinking but the quantity as well. It is not unlike Dave to pause in the middle of a talk to ponder whether he was drinking whiskey or wine the morning he woke up in Denver without any shoes. ‘Let’s see, I think I was drinking whiskey that time! No, wait a minute, I think it was wine! Yeah, by gosh, it was wine!’”

I.E. – I can bottom you! Thanks Mel.

Post from: Blisstree

Mel B Introduces Drink-By-Drink Dave

“Living Sober”

“It is very hard just to sit still trying not to do a certain thing, or not even to think about it. It’s much easier to get active and do something else – other than the act we’re trying to avoid.

So it is with drinking. Simply trying to avoid a drink (or not think of one), all by itself, doesn’t seem to be enough. The more we think about the drink we’re trying to keep away from, the more it occupies our mind, of course. And that’s no good. It’s better to get busy with something, almost anything, that will use our mind and channel our energy toward health.

Thousands of us wondered what we would do, once we stopped, with all that time on our hands… all those hours we had once spent planning, getting our drinks, drinking… turned into big, empty holes of time that had to be filled somehow.

We needed new habits of activity to fill those open spaces…

Recovered alcoholics often say, “Just stopping drinking is not enough.” Just not drinking is a negative, sterile thing. That is clearly demonstrated by our experience. To stay stopped, we’ve found we need to put in place of the drinking a positive program of action. We’ve had to learn how to live sober.”

Isn’t that interesting? Learning how to live sober! Rather than perceiving life as one continuously unsolvable problem…

Post from: Blisstree

What A Concept – IV

“Living Sober.”

“An ancient sage said that none of us should criticize another until we have walked a mile in the other person’s boots. This wise advice can give us greater compassion for our fellow human beings. And putting it into practice makes us feel much better than being hung over.

‘Let Live’ – yes. But some of us find just as much value in the first part of the slogan: ‘Live!’

When we have worked out ways to enjoy our own living fully, then we are content to let other people live any way they want. If our own lives are interesting and productive, we really have no impulse or desire to find fault with others or worry about the way they act.

Can you think right this minute of someone who bothers you?

If you can, try something. Postpone thinking about him or her and whatever it is about the person that riles you. You can boil inside about it later if you want to. But for right now, why not put it off while you read the next paragraph?

Live! Be concerned with your own living. In our opinion, staying sober opens up the way to life and happiness. It is worth sacrificing many a grudge or argument… Okay, so you didn’t manage to keep your mind completely off that other person. Let’s see whether the suggestion coming next will help.”

What a concept. Live a good life. Then the other person doesn’t affect you the same way.

Post from: Blisstree

What A Concept – III

One such moment occurred in the last day or so when I “listened” to a fellow alcoholic share in a general way and use words that offer someone whose seen them before, some intuitive insight that this person wasn’t quite right emotionally.

Not knowing definitively that she wasn’t right presented the requirement that a question be asked and it was. The reason the question was asked was stated. The question was asked in a manner which was hoped to be understood. In the realities of life, it wasn’t received well. Actually understandable because the consideration was on target.

I won’t go into any more details. What transpired after this is what wasn’t understandable. That was the judgment without evidence that too many people offered up as defense for someone who didn’t need it. The vilification of another good person simply because a few folks couldn’t be bothered with taking the time to read what had been asked or take the time to understand or lacked the insight.

Sad.

Since when did it become the wrong thing to do to ask someone whether they were okay or not? That is what your comments after the fact did – made it some level of sin to have asked if another alkie was all right or having a problem.

It is my opinion, FWIW, that there are a number of people that might want to give serious consideration to speaking with their sponsors – soon! It is also my opinion that if this is some kind of change in the program of recovery – it sucks and eventually will kill someone!

Have a good evening and please stay sober…

Post from: Blisstree

A Change For The Worse?

Not long after the baby was born the mother and, more specifically, the father, returned to their addictions. Mom could very well be a “social” experimenter but Dad is certainly one of “us.” He has come and gone a number of times in the last 9 years yet has not been able to remain clean or sober.

Within a short time, the baby’s parent’s had resorted to calling in bogus prescriptions for xanax, again. The law enforcement community here knows the father to the extent that he has been banned from filling prescriptions in any pharmacy in the county, yet they tried.

They were caught. Not exactly rocket science…

Grandma was forced to borrow a large amount of money to keep her daughter, the mom, out of jail. She hired an attorney.

Somehow the child’s parent’s got the idea that Grandma made some phone calls to “indict” her son-in-law and have him punished. I’m not against helping someone hit their bottom personally but that actually isn’t the real point.

With the perception that her mother called in against him, the daughter and SIL caught a resentment and turned the baby into a weapon. They placed the child in the middle of a dispute and told Grandma she would never see her grandchild again.

Lame. Unbelievably lame and disgusting. Self-centered in the absolute extreme. Almost unforgivable.

How about considering the child? Is that what is really in the best interest of the baby? You people placed yourselves in the position of using around this baby. That is bad enough by itself. You go to jail and what happens to that baby. He winds up in Grandma’s custody anyway, hopefully.

But to use the child as a weapon against the grandparent? Truly bad news.

Post from: Blisstree

A Child Is Not A Weapon!

We return to “Living Sober” and page 12;

“We’ll meet some people in A.A. or elsewhere who won’t be exactly crazy about us, either. So all of us try to respect the rights of others to act as they choose (or must). We can then expect them to give us the same courtesy. In A.A., they generally do.”

I’m not so sure I want to develop expectations along those lines.

This goes on to say: “Usually, people who like each other – in a neighborhood, a company, a club, or A.A. – gravitate toward each other. When we spend time with people we like, we are less annoyed by those we don’t particularly care for.”

The interesting concept then follows;

“As time goes on, we find we are not afraid simply to walk away from people who irritate us, instead of meekly letting them get under our skin, or instead of trying to straighten them out just so they will suit us better.”

Yes, Micky/David/Patrick is a PIA. Walk away… what a concept! We can walk away from irritation.

Post from: Blisstree

What A Concept – II

The neighbors say “good morning,” the boss says “good morning,” people smile at you as they pass by. The young lady at the coffee shop has a kind greeting for you.

It seems as if you’re not raising your middle finger to other drivers nor they to you. You have extra time when you arrive at work. You have extra time when you arrive home.

Your grades are better.

You feel a part of life again. The birds’ chirping isn’t irritating today. The wind in the air doesn’t matter to your hairdo. It isn’t a chore to open your umbrella to walk through the rain. Flowers smell good again.

You can go to a bar alone and hang out and not pick up a drink. Play darts or pool. Yeah – even when that moment comes, when an old colleague walks in and asks “how about a quick one,” you stand firm and say “no.”

Then, at night, you come to your home group and tell us how wonderful you’re doing with this sobriety thing. Sounds like you want a pat on the back. You’re not getting it!

Think its cold? Consider for a brief moment all the damage you did during those years of destructive drinking. Consider for a moment that that was not the way your Creator made you. Consider that now, you are simply doing what your Creator had intended you to be doing. And give the credit where it belongs. Remember – you had place yourself beyond human aid. It took an Act of Providence to be sober. On your own, you’d no doubt still be drunk.

Post from: Blisstree

What Pat On The Back?

From “Living Sober” on page 11;

“To begin to put the concept of ‘Live and Let Live’ into practice, we must face this fact: There are people in A.A., and everywhere else, who sometimes say things we disagree with, or do things we don’t like.”

Ya’ think?

“Learning to live with differences is essential to our comfort. It is exactly in those cases that we have found it extremely helpful to say to ourselves, ‘Oh, well, Live and Let Live.’”

How often did you wind up with a resentment and drink at someone simply because you didn’t like what they had to say or they had a differing opinion and refused to see it your way?

“We have learned it pays to make a very special effort to try to understand other people, especially anyone who rubs us the wrong way. For our recovery, it is more important to understand than to be understood.”

Post from: Blisstree

What A Concept – I

From “Living Sober” we’re told something profoundly simple on page 3;

“We have found that for us recovery began with not drinking – with getting sober and staying completely free of alcohol in any amount, and in any form. We have also found that we have to stay away from other mind-changing drugs. We can move toward a full and satisfying life only when we stay sober. Sobriety is the launching pad for our recovery.”

That ain’t middle-of-the-road psycho-babble, that is directly out of AA approved literature! This is for those who have questioned the presence of the word “abstinence” in our literature. If you’re not certain that completely free of alcohol in any amount, and in any form is abstinence I’d suggest looking under your feet to make sure what planet you’re on… While you’re doing that – also notice that it says that the marijuana (anything mind-changing) maintenance program doesn’t work either.

See if any of this applies to you or you can identify. “Living Sober” goes on to say on pages 4-5;

“Many of us, when we first began to drink, never wanted or took more than one or two drinks. But as time went on, we increased the number. Then, in later years, we found ourselves drinking more and more, some of us getting and staying very drunk. Maybe our condition didn’t always show in our speech or our gait, but by this time we were never actually sober.

If that bothered us too much, we would cut down, or try to limit ourselves to just one or two, or switch from hard liquor to beer or wine. At least, we tried to limit the amount, so we would not get too disastrously tight. Or we tried to hide how much we drank.”

For the last couple of weeks I have had the “pleasure/displeasure” of watching someone sneak drinks out of small bottles hidden in the company bathroom. I can imagine the thoughts that race through this person’s mind as they stare into the full-length mirror that is unavoidably right in your face as you turn that bottle up.

“But all these measures got more and more difficult. Occasionally, we even went on the wagon, and did not drink at all for a while.

Eventually, we would go back to drinking – just one drink. And since that apparently did no serious damage, we felt it was safe to have another. Maybe that was all we took on that occasion, and it was a great relief to find we could take just one or two, then stop. Some of us did that many times.”

Yours truly being one of them…

“But the experience proved to be a snare. It persuaded us that we could drink safely. And then there would come the occasion (some special celebration, a personal loss, or no particular event at all) when two or three made us feel fine, so we thought one or two more could not hurt. And with absolutely no intention of doing so, we found ourselves again drinking too much. We were right back where we had been – overdrinking without really wanting to.”

And, once again, coming to in the morning PO’d because I swore I wasn’t going to do it again!

“Such repeated experiences have forced us to this logically inescapable conclusion: If we do not take the first drink, we never get drunk. Therefore, instead of planning never to get drunk, or trying to limit the number of drinks or the amount of alcohol, we have learned to concentrate on avoiding only one drink: the first one.”

Abstinence.

Post from: Blisstree

We Concentrate On Avoiding Only One Drink

A couple of days, weeks, months of not drinking. No sponsor. No Steps. No clue.

But – you’re smart. Or, you really don’t want us to know your truth.

So you wear a mask of “I’m sober today.” You wear a mask of “I’d like to thank my Higher Power whom I choose to call God that I’m sober today, I’ll pass…” When you’re asked what your sobriety date is you say “April, 2008.” If you’re asked what Step you’re on you tell us “well, in rehab they got us up to 9. So – 9.”

The challenge you face is that you simply cannot – CANNOT – deceive those who made deception a life practice!!! That’s who we are… been there, done that. Oh, and don’t think you can come up with anything original either. It’s all been done.

Sober… SOBER! It doesn’t mean that going to sleep at night is a cure for alcoholism! “When I wake up each day I do a First Step.” That’s wonderful and I’m happy its working for you. What are you going to do when an alcoholic nightmare slams you awake at 3 am., you’re lying in a pool of sweat and you’re not certain if you’ve been drinking because you’re that groggy. Will you remember to do a First Step then? Will you be able to call your sponsor? Sponsor?

When you’re sitting in a _ Step meeting will you do this? “I’m not on that step but I’d like to share about…” Hello!!!

Can you fill this acronym?

• S – Sober
• P – Person
• O – Offering
• N – Newcomers
• S – Suggestions
• O – On
• R – Recovery

Can you do that? Or are you FOS?

My best friend has a saying (that is far from original). If you’re in a Twelve Step program, you’re not working the Steps, you don’t have a sponsor, then you’re not sober! You can take a horse thief, remove the alcohol, make no changes, and you now still have a horse thief! Except, he’s DRY!

How about this one? Sit in a meeting and tell us how you went to a nightclub last night and you’re sooooo proud of yourself! You sat there all night white-knuckling it and yet you didn’t drink!!! I’m sooooo impressed…

Did you really have to brag to us to convince us that you’re worth something? That you’re good enough to be here? Here’s a newsflash – if you’re in AA you’re good enough to be here. You have nothing to prove to us!!!

Our days of going to the barber shop waiting for a haircut to trip over us, our days of hanging out in the lions’ den “knowing” that someday we’ll tame that beast, are over! That’s old behavior and its best left in our old haunts.

Keep Coming Back. April, 2008 is not a sobriety date…

Post from: Blisstree

You’re NOT Sober!!!