There are some friends who have known you long enough to see you when you are at your worst and when you are at your best.  There were obviously times in your life when you probably weren’t very mature, or considerate, or polite, or reliable or any other million possibilities of assorted “friend crimes.”  But there were also times when you were a great friend.  You were there when your friend needed you and there when it was just a normal day and you could hangout on the couch and watch Friends and not even talk about anything interesting at all.

When it comes to friends, it is really true that it is quality and not quantity that counts.  The friends that fall into this category of “riding a bike” friends are the girls who I spent every second with in college, but unfortunately now we have pursued our dreams and are spread out across the country.  We try to keep in touch through email, but it is really the physical time that we spend together that feels so important.

Spending time with old friends helps you to realize that even if you are in a different place in your life where you don’t have a solid group of close friends like you might have in years past, it is these close lifelong friends that are most important.  You might not see them or talk to them very often, but they are really only a phonecall away if you ever need them.

It’s hard to make new friends, and it seems that the friends who knew us when we were younger are the ones who now know us the best.  Don’t expect that you will find new friends later in life that will become as close as those you met earlier in life.  Instead, cherish the friends that you know will be around forever and let them know how important they are to you.  Don’t worry about making tons of new friends all the time and filling up a social schedule.  Instead, focus your efforts on being a good friend to those who are important in your life, even if you don’t get to see each other very often.

Image: Kelli DesRochers

Post from: Blisstree

Some Friends Are Like Riding a Bike

The main thing to remember is that if you want it to work, then make it a priority.  Set aside just a few minutes every week to keep in touch.  I’ve moved around a lot over the last ten years, so here are some ideas for maintaining long distance friendships:

• Scheduled monthly or weekly phone calls – Plan a specific day each month or week to call each other.  Even if you don’t think you have much to say, it helps you to keep each other updated on just the small things in your lives.
• Frequent emails – If you are more of an email person (like me) shoot out little emails frequently.  Just send a few sentences, weblinks, articles, or images that remind you of something you would have shared if you still lived in the same place.  Again, keeping in touch about the small things maintains a better friendship than just summarizing your life once a year.
• Yearly trip – Plan far in advance so you make sure that all of the friends can adjust their schedules accordingly and take advantage of the lowest prices possible.  I know a lot of people who have been planning yearly trips with the same group of friends since college, and it definitely lasts through the years!  Usually you probably travel with your spouse/significant other, but plan a trip with your long distance friend to meet up in a foreign place.  You will get to spend lots of quality time together.
• Instant messaging – There are many interfaces out there, but choose one that is paired with your email so whenever you are reading your email you can also take a moment to say hello to your friends.  This is definitely the best way for me.
• Birthdays and holidays – Make a special effort to remember these days.  Sometimes you might even spend them together, but if not then be sure to make a phonecall.

I purposely did not include social networking sites like Facebook because I don’t believe that these are ways to really maintain a friendship…in fact, I think they are the opposite.  If you are reading updates about someone’s life through a website then you will have no reason to actually contact them to ask important questions and catch up.  You probably know all about what they do everyday, but don’t actually have any personal interactions.  These are good for peripheral friendships, but not for your closest friends.

The main thing to remember is just that it only takes a few minutes out of every week to show a friend that you are thinking about them.  I know it’s super hard when you have the life happening around you to handle also, but close friendships are important to maintain in your life, even if they take a little extra effort.

Let me know if you have any special ways that you have maintained a long distance friendship that has lasted over the years…

Image: Flickr

Post from: Blisstree

How to Maintain Long Distance Friendships

We did have a plan to move in together at one point, but circumstances, meaning job stuff, changed those plans.   Since that time, we have not spoken about it again.  Our visits have been timed farther apart, but that’s due to gas prices more than anything else.  Even though our time together felt normal and okay when he was in town, part of me was worried.  Why didn’t he bring it up again?  How come he was able to go for long periods without talking to me? 

A couple of things changed  my outlook in less than a week. One was reading the column that featured the Involved/Committed chart and I figured out that I was involved and he was the one who was truly committed. The other was the realization that I am a bit overwhelmed by my life right now and this, these short visits every 6 weeks or so, they are all I am up to right now.  All of a sudden, I felt more relaxed and ready to enjoy our time together. 

I used to do this thing when I was a kid – I’d read the end of the book way ahead of time.  I had to know how things were going to end and once I knew, I could relax and enjoy the story.  Right now, I don’t know how things are going to end, but I’m okay with that.  Just knowing that I love someone who has faith in us, that’s enough for me, because he’s a smart guy and I trust that he knows what he’s talking about. 

Sometimes love is like that, you close your eyes, you grab the hand of your loved one, and together you jump.   If you get to that jumping off point at the same time, great, but if you don’t, try to be patient, everyone has their own timetable and there’s no forcing true and honest commitment. 

Post from: Blisstree

Ready To Jump