I have been racking my brain, trying to come up with reasons how “Love” makes living with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome better, when you are in the thick of it. And the truth is I can’t come up with a reason. Here is why, when I am feeling cfs-ish I can not stand to be around people. Any person. Even if it is THE person. Any kind of noise, or presence will make things worse for me. It hurts. If the television is on in the other room, and he is just watching quietly…somehow I can internalize that, and I will actually experience pain from tv noise. Every annoyance is amplified x 10 000.

But we are talking about love, and not external noise (white or any other colour).

Having someone around trying to make me feel better, just makes it worse even. Why? Well, because no matter how hard he tries ~ he can’t make it (cfs) go away. In the end, I just end up feeling guilty that he tries so hard.

When I am feeling lousy, I am not able to go out and do fun things with. So he feels like he needs to stay in and take care of me, or we end up fighting (which as you all know, is really bad news) because he is frustrated with me being sick, yet again. And starts to think that I am using it as an excuse.

OK the excuse thing, is rough. I will freely admit, that sometimes I am able to “suck it up a bit”, and just won’t – because I am slightly tired. I misread his wanting to spend time with me, for neediness. And I am so concerned about my own independence, that I get annoyed that he wants to spend all waking hours (that are non sickness ones) with me. Which there are few.

When someone else is thrown into the CFS equation, my life gets all turned around. Everything that should be happening (all those love bubble feelings)…is kind of bypassed, because I have a big black cloud named CFS hanging over my head. And while I am fairly good at managing it on my own….trying to bring someone else in just doesnt work for me. I really don’t want, or need to have to worry about someone else’s happiness, at the same time. At least for me, it just complicates matters. And I just don’t do complicated.

That said, I am a fairly big advocate for long distance relationships.

Post from: Blisstree

Love Stinks – So Says This PWC