This is difficult, though not as difficult as real life. I am sorry that I have not been as frequent here at MarriageActually as I should have been. This has been good, getting to know some of you as you would let us know you. To say that laying this down is easy is wrong. Doing this has been equally difficult as of late.

Things are not going well in Camelot. My armor is chinked and tarnished. And may need to be retired as well. I am no knight in shining armor and never have I proposed I was. It seems a horse of that white color that I have been unsteadily mounted needs to go out to pasture as well.

No, there is no Lancelot or Guinevere. No sordid affair. Nothing.

Unfortunately, as we have been transparent here on MA, we have had our marriage put under siege. Perhaps I have allowed it. I have heard that is was long ago. That is neither here nor there. It just is. I was under the delusion that things were better than they indeed are not. I remember that we have a great marriage. The best of anyone we know past or present. Except for one area. I presumed incorrectly and I apologize to you the readers here and mostly to Marye. For it is her that I have truly hurt and neglected. My idea of love is not the kind that makes up the fairy tales or any sort of romance novel. It is not hot, only a low simmer. But it has been steadfast and true. I have stumbled, tripped and fallen, but always gotten back up. I have not gone down for the count.

If this post seems self-centered and focused on Marc, it is. Because the failure of this chapter of Marrriage Actually and our marriage’s condition rests wholly on my shoulders.

I will miss posting, I wish it were different. Thank you for your continued prayers and support of Marye & I. I will miss y’all.

Blessings,

Post from: Blisstree

Fare Thee Well … Not Good-bye.

It was in Monterey, Ca. actually, to a fiery brunette soldier from Texas. She still has it, it may not feel like it to her right now. But, she does still have it. Somewhere in the fall of 1979, When I saw her, I was a goner. It has been a couple of times around the block and my heart still skips a beat. Perhaps lopes would be a better term. For the past couple of years it hasn’t felt like it has still been this way. I have had a problem.

I’m not going to be able to explain this clearly, but I want to try. My problems haven’t been with my beautiful bride of the past nearly three decades. They are me. and I don’t know if I can even fully understand. Because I am not a self-examining type of person. Now, There is an understatement!

What I am coming to understand is that I have lost heart over the events of the past two or three years. In my health, I Have had a battle. One after the other, but that isn’t it. I have had struggles with my career and my satisfaction with it. Still not it. I have lost part of myself in a number of facets in my life. Marye and I have struggled in our relationship and that is my fault. Unfortunately that isn’t all of it. And I don’t know the “All” of it. What I do know is that I haven’t lost heart. Elseways, I would have taken my life a couple of years ago.

I have lost my heart. It is still in God’s hands, but I haven’t a clue where it is. I have been looking. I have been reading and praying and I want it back. This is I guess what I have been futilely trying

to find the words to say. Maybe it is just numb from all of the prescription narcotic drugs that I am currently on. I am hoping and praying that in finding it and resuscitating it it will be right again.

Can I have it back now Lord?

So Kid, bear with me a little longer. I think I found it and I’m dusting it off,cleaning it up with the Lord’s help and bringing it back top life.

I love you and yes i want to talk. Maybe we can use the cards. You are worth it all!

me

Post from: Blisstree

I Lost My heart, South of San Francisco…

If you are married it had to happen; the marriage proposal.

From the moment of conception (almost) girls dream of that romantic moment when the love of their life sweeps them off their feet with the most romantic marriage proposal ever.  Generally that is followed closely by the. wedding. fantasy.

In the interest of Valentine’s Day I had an awesome idea.

I thought it would be fun to share proposals.  Do you have a unique proposal story?  Share it in the comments section.  Even if it is not unique go ahead and share it.

Did you propose with flowers?  On bended knee?  By email?  By pony express?

I know there are some great, romantic stories out there. 

And if we get enough stories we may do a giveaway.

image:SXC

Post from: Blisstree

Marriage Proposals: Share the Moment

O.k…if you are as tired of the serious stuff as I am it is time to move on for now and talk about something (hopefully) fun; Valentine’s Day.

Are you thinking about it? Planning it?

Most guys need to be planning a romantic interlude, while if you are a wife you should probably be thinking along the lines of something majorly sensual and sexy.  If you guys both get it right we will more than likely see the fireworks from here.

So, what are you planning?   What are you doing?

Here are some ideas that I have picked up on the Internet, and yeah, some of them are my own articles I have written on other sites.   No harm in self promotion, right?

• Printable Intimate Love Coupons
• Things to Do on Valentine’s Day
• Valentine’s Gifts to Make
• Romantic Valentine’s Day Picnic
• 10 Romantic Movies (I don’t agree with all of these, I will post my list later)
• Foods that Are Aphrodisiacs
• Romantic Valentine’s Day Dinner
• How to Strip This has some of the best instructions I have seen.  Don’t be shy.
• Romantic Games
• Buy a fun outfit

So, there ya go.  Get started.  The big day is only a month away.

More ideas soon.

image:morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

And Now, for Something Completely Different

I was checking out some of the AOL headlines this morning and this one caught my eye.  It is a slideshow which is based on an article in Men’s Health.

While there were two suggestions that I totally don’t agree with (watch porn together/ check out the erotica section of the local bookstore) the other 25 were brilliant, amazing, and from my point of view anyway, pretty darn good.

Let’s face it, especially as we get older, our relationships grow and pick up baggage along the way, AND we get more complacent…well things sometimes get a little mundane.  Mundane, predictable, average…These words are a death sentence to your love life.

The odd thing is that I can’t think of a man in the world that wants to be thought of that way…and I can’t think of a woman who doesn’t want to be desired, considered mysterious, sensual, and exotic.  Can you imagine if one morning you woke up and looked at each other and saw each other as so compelling, so heroic, so desirable that you were absolutely besotted with each other?

Is there anyone that doesn’t ultimately want that? Guys, don’t you want your wives to see you as some bigger than life hero, ready to slay dragons, scale tall mountains, and lift heavy objects?  Ladies, don’t you want your guy to see you as a combination of Aphrodite, Mata Hari, and this month’s Penthouse centerfold?

Marriage; the living together daily domestic dutes, while necessary, becomes blase if both partners choose to relax and not expend effort to keep things hot.

If one of your New Year’s Resolutions is to make your marriage sizzle, this article is a great place to start.

27 Ways to Jumpstart Your Love Life

image:morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

27 Ways to Jumpstart Your Love Life

If you and your spouse enjoy sending steaming emails through the blogosphere then Hoochy mail might add a little variety to what you are doing…

Be warned though, it is pretty hot, and if you aren’t sure of your spouse’s reaction you could find yourself taking alot of cold showers and being met with fish eyed stares and glares.

Also, some spouses work at places where they could actually get fired for a steamy email..so again, be careful.  You want this to be a fun thing..not lead to unemployment!

Think of Hoochymail as an adult version of madlibs, where you had to fill in the blank with a noun, adverb, color, or whatever. The storylines are predictable, and not overly imaginative.

Alot of men, especially, enjoy getting an erotic email from their wives and many wives don’t know how to start talking dirty, and aren’t sure they want to.  This sort of allows you to do that without having to make up the stuff yourself.

I have sent a few of these to Marc.  He definitely does not like them.

As I said, it is worth a try if you are looking for a little spice.  Anyway, I found that the best way to send these is to use the x rated version and send them to yourself. The mild version uses stupid terms for things.

The program has a place where you send them to your email and your spouses email.  I generally send both copies of the story to myself and then rewrite the story to say exactly what I want.   Once I have it written so it looks pretty good to me I email it to Marc.

Or I did.

Anyway. If you have never said (or written) racy things to your spouse it is probably about time that you did.  Words affect people and sexual words are very powerful aphrodisiacs, generally speaking.  We get into a mindset that we have to be so careful about what we say that even in the privacy of our own bedrooms we are stumbling over words.

I have it on good authority that most husbands like to hear a pretty detailed play by play of what the evening may have in store for them if they are very…very…VERY good.  I have it on better authority that there are wives with those same desires.

Writing your own stuff is definitely the best way to go but if you can’t give Hoochymail a try.  Keep in mind that some people are more affected by the written word than the spoken one.

Just one more way to add a little spark.

image:morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

Hoochy Mail…Not for Everyone

I am a hopeless romantic.  I sigh when the good guy rides off into the sunset with the girl..my heart beats faster when the gallant knight slays the dragon and claims his princess…I love happily ever after… When Wesley says “As you wish” in Princess Bride..I melt.

It isn’t the words, it is the tone of voice and the look on his face.  sigh.

Even though I am middle aged and not all that I used to be I still have all of those sigh and starry eyed reactions that I had at 16.  Actually, more of them because I was quite the cynic at 16.

Add to all of that romantic thought a pretty decent imagination and I have great ideas for romantic moments.  I would be a GREAT husband.  I think most women would.

Here are some things that I have either done or thought about… File them away for when you need a romantic boost…change them up to fit your life.  Really, a little romance here and there is like hot fudge..it just makes everything better.

1. Once I bought an apothecary jar and stuffed it full of all of Marc’s favorite candy:whoppers, chocolate bars, everything I could think of and that would fit in there.  I made a label that said “Life with You Is Sweet” and I dropped it off for him at work.  His boss kept hiding it behind other stuff..I think he was jealous.

2. Once Marc bought a LUSH massage bar and gave me a body massage.  Massages are like my SECOND favorite thing in life.  The fact that he took the initiative to do that made it special.

3. I like to write Marc erotic stories about the two of us..and email them to him.  I find this very romantic and heat producing..he doesn’t ..so I don’t do it anymore.  But I think, ladies, that many husbands do find this quite a pleasant diversion from to do lists.

4. One year, starting the first of Feb. and every day through the 14th, I hid a kid’s valentines with various messages on them for Marc in odd places for him to find.  In his lunch, in his pocket, on the dashboard of his car…the best one, though, was  the one I had a friend hide in his choir book.  The look on his face when the choir opened their books and began to sing was…priceless.

5. Once a very long time ago I arranged a weekend away for the two of us in a significant historic building in Dallas.  Very Art Deco, which is one of Marc’s favorite styles.  I bought several new pieces of lingerie and had champagne waiting in the room.

6. I think it would be cool to have an affair with your spouse…Go to all of the trouble you would go to if you really were having an affair…emails under assumed identities, clandestine meetings in hotel rooms…

7.Put the kids to bed early (in their own beds!) and set up candles around the den.  Put on some music and slow dance in the candle light.

8.In the summer take a blanket out in the back yard (or front if you live in the country), have some wine or cokes, talk and make out like you were a teenager.

9. Never underestimate the power of groping in the back seat.

10. There is seriously not much that is more romantic than long, lingering eye contact.

What are your most romantic moments and/or ideas?

image:morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

Romance 101

This clip contains one of the most sensual scenes in the history of movies, in my opinion…the soup scene.

In it..he has her blind-folded, tasting and identifying tastes and components in the soup he is feeding her.  Watch what happens.

By the way, she does correctly identify the last ingredient, if you don;t understand German….

Post from: Blisstree

This Is What I ‘m Talkin’ ‘Bout

All right..if you lived through part one of this series then part two will be ….easy..sort of.  And this it primarily for women.

Sadly, many women have no clue how their physical body works sexually.  So, the first thing we are going to do is have an anatomy lesson.

Female Sexual Anatomy

•  Labia (major and minor)- the folds of skin that surround the vagina and run up to where the clitoris is.
• Clitoris- this is the small (or not so small) bump at the top of your labia. This acts in a similar way as the penis, becoming larger and filled with blood during arousal..it is made from the same sensitive tissue.
• Vagina- this is the opening where intercourse occurs, menstrual blood comes out, and babies enter the world…Rather a busy place.  It  has the potential to expand and contract as needed.  The major nerves are in the first couple of inches.
• G Spot- this is a gland, similar to the prostate on the male.  It is about the size of a quarter and you can feel it as a rough patch about 2 inches inside the vagina against the bladder side of the vaginal wall.  When you are aroused it can fill with fluid and become larger.  Sometimes that fluid is released during orgasm.  It is not urine, although it is fluid like urine.
• If you are very visual there are medical drawings from Gray’s Anatomy here

For the most part these are the areas of sensitivity that will ultimately result in orgasm in women.  Some women can orgasm from nipple stimulation alone, some women are very aroused by anal stimulation.  You can probably figure that out on your own. We are primarily discussion the vulva.

Get a mirror and arrange yourself and the mirror so you can get a good look at what you have been blessed with.

When a woman is aroused her labia will swell, as will the clitoris.  Depending on her age, her hormone levels, the time of the month, and her individual body there will be an increase of mucus to lube the vagina..this does not mean that she is very aroused (if wet) or not aroused (if dry-ish).   Again, it depends on the individual.  Many women, especially as they get older, need lube.  I suggest organic, virgin coconut oil unless you are using latex.

Women have three types of orgasms.

1. Clitoral-emanating primarily from the clitoris
2. Vaginal- emanating primarily from the vagina
3. Combination where both areas are involved.

One orgasm is not necessarily superior to the other, and “squirting” which is the release of fluid from the G spot area (sometimes copious amounts) does not mean anything either. Any orgasm is fantastic.  Focusing on one type or another is not helpful.  An orgasm occurs when the uterus pulls up and there is a cycle of pleasurable muscle spasms that last for a few seconds up to a couple of minutes.  Women can have numerous orgasms in a short period of time..men generally need a bit of time to recoup…as they get older this can take anywhere form a few hours to a few days..or more.

There are a number of ways to achieve an orgasm.  Again, there is not one “right” way.  Many women cannot have orgasms from intercourse alone because there is not enough stimulation of the clitoris.  There are various positions that can help with this..google CAT position, or Coital Alignment Technique.  This allows the most stimulation during intercourse.

Since many women have difficulty in reaching orgasm during intercourse the NICE thing for you guys to do is to make sure she reaches orgasm before you penetrate.  This can help a lot if your wife is having pain with penetration because she will be very relaxed and lubed up.  The basic ways to achieve this are:

• Stimulation of the clitoris with the fingers (gently!!!!!!!!!!!)
• Stimulation of the clitoris with the tongue (usually a better choice)
• Stimulation of the clitoris with a vibrator (also a good choice…gently!)

There is a book that Amazon carries called “She Comes First”.  Guys, if you are unsure of yourself when dealing with your wife’s anatomy I highly suggest that book.  I have read parts of it, although not all of it, and it seems very on target.

Women need to know what it takes to create the best possibility of an orgasm and that means exploring your body yourself, in private.  Use your fingers, or use a vibrator if you are more comfortable with that.  Lots of women do have more success with a vibrator.

If it is your first time with one choose something made for external use..like a bullet vibe.  Amazon has them and you can order what you like and have it delivered rather than going into a shop…You do not have to buy a vibrator that looks like a foot long purple penis unless you really want to.

It may be hard to get past the idea that somehow you are being bad or dirty.  You may have some feelings of anxiety, or whatever…  I don’t think anyone should do anything that makes them feel dirty or wrong but I do think that we need to shake off the unhealthy viewpoints that we have picked up or been taught and have a healthy outlook on sex…Men and women.

Masturbation is an important way to get to know your body.  How are you going to tell your spouse what feels good and what will bring you to orgasm if you don’t know yourself?

Think about what you are feeling, what is working for you, what is not. Use some coconut oil for lube and don’t try for an orgasm.  You are looking for your body’s triggers, what it likes..what it doesn’t.  You may need to try different positions, or you may need to have your leg muscles tensed, or you may need to kegel…If you have an O  that is great! But don’t put pressure on you for that.  You are exploring.  Learning.  Experimenting.

If you are one of the guys that also has trouble in this area (and there are some) I suggest that you do the same thing.  If you don’t masturbate, or it is very rare that you do,  then you may not be getting all you can out of your sexual experience.  A caveat here..if you are one of those guys that spends an hour in the bathroom with your hand (or a handy dandy silicone vagina) and a penthouse do NOT ..I repeat DO NOT take this as a stamp of approval on what you are doing.  Totally different stuff, Bonzo. No wonder your wife is having a hard time.

Let me put it this way.  You get a new car.  You put the key in the ignition and it goes.  But if you never play with the buttons you won’ t know about the sliding moon roof, the automatic windows, and the heated seats, capiche?  And what if you have been blessed with a modern day chitty chitty bang bang? How will you know it flies unless you pull the knob?

Being uninformed is not spiritual, virtuous or anything else..it is just ignorant.  There is not one thing wrong with good, healthy research.  Know how your body works.  Be able to share that knowledge with your spouse.

Last time I told you to talk openly with your spouse…This time..spend some time with yourself.

Questions?

More later…

image:morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

Stalking the Elusive “O” Part Two

I have been reflecting on my last post about spending more time together.

There is a company that can make us an item forever.   The company is called LifeGem.  They could take Marye’s ashes and turn her into a real diamond.  It is her birthstone! (there is a bad joke there I am not publishing)

LifeGem takes the ashes of your favorite loved one, Marye in my case.  They take what is left of her after cremation ( 99.9% carbon at that point)  and press her into a sparkly shiny diamond.

Now, let me say as someone who has been in the jewelry industry for 20 plus years, man-made diamonds are very do-able.  LifeGem’s cost for this process is about $20,000.00  per carat.  By the time I might consider the process, costs will increase.  But so will the cost of a funeral.

This process would certainly add a new meaning to having someone wrapped around your little finger if you had the diamond set into a new pinky ring.  Visualize Joe Peschi’s Saturday Night Live skit about the pinky ring.  LOL!!!

This new jewelry should spark some comments and conversations.  When old friends say they knew old so-and-so always had those character flaws, tell them that now you just need a ten-power loupe to see them!

Sorry, It was the jeweler in me that caused that last one to be typed.

So, what do you think?

Jim’s mother- in- law always said he was like an albatross around Judy’s neck.  Now he can be so much more…and prettier , too!

Image:Marye Audet 

Post from: Blisstree

Yeah, She Is a Real Gem!