Friends, I have bittersweet news for you.

While I shall still be very much a part of the Splendicity family - you can find me at EBeautyDaily, ShopaholicsDaily, and the hair channel over there - this shall be my last Blistree Relationships post.

The absolutely fabulous Kelli DesRochers will be taking my place, and she will have some fun contests coming up for you very soon - along, with, I’m sure, tons of fun relationship/sex chat!

I, however, will be sure to comment all the time with updates on my own (nonexistent) love life.

Speaking of my love life, I watched He’s Not That Into You last night…two times. (The beauties of In Demand cable!)  I realized, after the second watching, it actually ain’t all that depressing…it’s actually rather inspirational! I couldn’t help but identify with though.

And while i realize it’s six months too late to write a review of this movie, I’m writing something of  a revelation - a burst of clarity, if you will.

Basically, this is the first movie ever that I’ve seen that’s actually truly about love. As is it really is. And it’s also about dating - and the ugly truth behind it. Us women have to stop lying to ourselves. If a guy wants to call you, he will. If he likes you, he will make the effort. And if he doesn’t, that means he’s not interested.

And this seems SO obvious to me, now, after seeing the movie, and yet, simultaneously, I’m consulting my friend’s magic 8 ball for its views on if the guy who hasn’t called in two weeks is maybe possibly interested after all.

I most identified with Ginnifer Goodwin, who played a serial first-dater (by no fault of her own beyond delusional optimism.)  Gigi (Goodwin) has no defenses, gives too much, talks too much and spends a lot of time sitting by the phone.

That is me!!

And so, much like when I know that carbs are bad and yet eat a bagel, I know that I am crazy and a walking cliche, and yet…am doing nothing different. I’m inspired, but still hoping that I, too, will be the”exception”.  I wonder how any of you have responded to the movie?

Image: Sxc.hu

I hung out with my parents this weekend.

It’s really interesting how, when living with your parents, you are eager to get away from them, and then as soon as you move out, they become sort of…cool.

Anyway, in another one of my blogs, I am running a contest where readers have to share their most romantic moment. My mom told my dad about it, and said she had wanted to enter, but couldn’t think of a romantic moment to share.

They enjoyed a playful banter for the remainder of the day, where they each tried to conjure up a moment. The end result was that in thirty-two years of marriage, they had not had any moments.

I think the truth is that they have a constant moment - this is a couple that after three decades, still eats dinner together every night, and watches TV together each evening, and boast that they share a pillow.

I think just that they can’t pick out a specific moment sort of suggests they are never not romantic. Or maybe I’m just biased. :-

Image: Sxc.hu

I’m going to be talking about the movie, “Precious” in this post. I want to warn you ahead of time, because I don’t want to spoil anyone. I don’t know major plot points. I only know about what is shown in the trailer. If you don’t want any movie clues at all, then please stop reading now. Come on back tomorrow and I will be talking about something absolutely un-spoilery.

I am a fan of Mariah Carey. It seems to me that people either love Maiah Carey or they hate her. I think she’s talented, beautiful, an individual.

I read that she’s in a movie, “Precious,”that was well-received at Cannes. The piece I read talked about how she’s not Mariah-like in the role. That she is “dowdy.”

Whatever, she still looks beautiful to me.

I watched the movie trailer and it made me cry. Not just a few tears. I mean cry-cry. At one point the title character is saying that no one loves her and she is in agony. I can remember feeling like that before and it’s horrible to feel that low. Just soul-sucking agony. I can remember feeling absolutely unlovable. Nobody should ever feel that way.

I’m afraid to watch the whole movie. It looks incredible and honestly I feel my point of view has changed just from watching the trailer, so I should see it, but it’s hard to watch that sort of raw pain. Some actors make a scene all too real. They have the ability to transport a person. The star of this movie, Gabourey Sidibe, she has that gift.

The movie is about a young woman and her relationships. I had not heard of it before today and I wanted you readers to be aware of it, to watch for it.

Image credit: SXC.hu

Trailer from YouTube

Had drinks with a friend tonight. She’s been dating a guy who she met on Match around New Years, and for the most part, things have been going pretty well.

Except…

“Well, he’s really sweet, and generous, but kind of…boring.”

Apparently, my friend and this guy fell into a relationship about a week into dating. They never had the casual dating phase, but, rather, went from first date to sleepovers and having toothbrushes in each other’s apartments.

Hot?

Not.

“Most nights, we just sit on the couch side by side on our laptops and don’t even talk.”

My friend is rethinking the entire relationship, wondering if the price of achieving the comfort level has meant the honeymoon has ended before it ever even started - and while she wants to recapture the passion, she can’t actually remember it ever being there in the first place.

We know many marriages eventually become friendships. But can a relationship last if that’s all it really is to start out with?

Image: Sxc.hu

A friend of mine is a bit of a Cougar. She is attracted to and attracts younger men. She doesn’t plan it that way, it just sort of works out that way. They pursue her and she’s single and figures, “Well, why not?” It probably doesn’t help that I encourage her. I think she’s young and fun and also of the “Well, why not,” point of view.

Here’s the problem, they don’t follow through. They talk a good game, she enjoys the time that she spends with them, but they are flakes. I don’t think that every guy under the age of 30 is a flake, but these guys, they are getting on my nerves. I kept an open mind, but last night it finally occurred that she’s better than this, she wants more than this, and I’m not going to say, “…well, age doesn’t matter,” anymore. It does matter. When it comes to the point where a grown woman wants to meet a grown man to have a grown-up relationship, then maybe hanging with the boys isn’t the best way to find a man.

Here’s what I suggested, make a firm cut-off age, refer to your list, (she’s my friend with the What I Want In A Man list), and be open to someone who might be a little older. (She’s a little spoiled by the hot young bodies, basically). Don’t settle for less than respectful courteous treatment, because then your are treading into He’s Just Not That Into You territory.

Image credit: All Posters.com

I was chatting with a friend and she brought up the subject of biology and attraction. How you can think that a man or woman is beautiful, but you just can’t get past their smell. I’m not talking body odor, I’m talking their basic smell.

The “smell” theory deals with immune systems, with the idea that you are most attracted to someone whose system is very different from your own. This has to do with producing healthy children. Here’s something explaining it from Dr. Helen Fisher……

It’s about romantic compatibility, in this case “MHC” compatibility.  MHC means Major Histocompatibility Complex and it refers to a particular set of genes you inherit in your immune system, your body’s chemical defense system against intruding aliens, aliens in the form of bacteria, viruses and other no-good-niks.  Each of us inherits our own version of this complex set of genes. 

I will admit to running into the smell thing once. Quite a lot of years back, I dated the brother of a friend and I liked his personality very much, but his skin gave off this scent that I did not like. It was not sweat, it was the smell that came off his face, his arms, his body. I tried to talk myself past it, but I could not. It has only happened that once though and that boy, his family all came from one country, his ancestors, they all came from the same place.

My theory is this - we are becoming a world of “mutts” in that our “people” come from so many different places. My background is a mix of ancestors from all over the world. Won’t this issue with the smell and the immune systems work itself out in the end? Won’t we mix and mingle to a point where we either all like the smell of each other or all hate the smell of each other? 

What do you think?  Have you ever experienced anything like this, an inability to move forward with someone because you could not get past the way their skin smelled? 

Image credit: All Posters.com

So, you may recall my mentioning a situation where a friend was in a friends-with-benefits type situation with a guy that just decided he has found true love - and was telling her all about it.

They haven’t seen each other in a while - they still talk often, but he is a musician by trade and currently on tour.

In a really freaky twist of fate, my friend, also a journalist, was invited to a press junket out on the west coast the exact same weekend he will be there. Any other time, she’d jump at the chance for a free posh vacation. (For, that is what press junkets actually are.) This time, though, she paused…in actuality, it IS a coincidence. But will it appear that way? Or some clever ploy to get some action?

And, should action happen…is that necessarily a bad side benefit?

What would you all do? Go or not go? I am toying with the advice that she should go on the trip…and just avoid telling him she is there!

Image: Sxc.hu

So, I moved into a new apartment this morning and found out…it is quite possibly the only one in this century not cable ready!

Of course, the joke is on me for not asking if it was, and now I know for the immediate future, until I actually am wired, I will be going to the movies a lot…good thing the Tribeca Film Festival is upon us!

I feel like a look at the movies being shown is a great indicator of where the universe is on the subject of love. Some examples of the summaries of movie options at your fingertips:

TIMER: It’s a brave new world where a  bio-technological implant called the TiMER counts down to the exact time people meet their soul mates.Love-starved Oona (Emma Caulfield, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) is pushing 30, and she’s falling for a guy (John Patrick Amedori, Gossip Girl) who is set to meet his true love in four months. Basically, this movie asks the burning question… would you want to know? I wouldn’t!

The Exploding Girl: Ivy is back home in Brooklyn for spring break with her longtime platonic guy pal Al in tow. As her relationship with her boyfriend slowly disintegrates via cell phone, Al’s friendship is cast in a new light.

Stay Cool: Henry returns home to give the commencement speech at his high school. But even after almost 20 years, it’s as if he never left - he again wants the girl, gets suspended by the principal, and is grounded by his parents.

The Girlfriend Experience:Five days in the life of a $2,000-an-hour Manhattan call girl (adult film star Sasha Grey) who thinks she has her life totally under control. She even has a devoted boyfriend who accepts her lifestyle!

Serious Moonlight: Meg Ryan arrives at her country nest for a little R and R only to discover that her husband has been cheating on her with the hotter and younger Sarah.

My Last Five Girlfriends: A fun romantic comedy explores with delicious wit and whimsy just how modern urban relationships go wrong. Surveying the wreckage of his last five relationships, thirtysomething Duncan (Brendan Patricks) concludes that love is a battleground where only the fittest survive.

Woah: Life IS just like the movies. At the risk of sounding totally cliche…see any good movies lately? Or, more importantly, any that reflect you own crazy dating life?

Image: Sxc.hu

I’ve been reading “Why Him? Why Her? Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type” this week. I’ve had it in my to-read pile for months, but new things come in all the time and sometimes good books get buried in the pile. The book was written by Helen Fisher, Ph.D, author of “The Anatomy of Love” and scientific adviser to Chemistry.com.

Working with Chemistry.com, she developed a system of four basic personality types. These are Explorers, Builders, Directors, and Negotiators. There’s a test in the book that will help you determine your main and your secondary personality types.

I am a Negoiator/Explorer. I tend to over-think things especially when it comes to relationships, I use my imagination a lot, and I like to talk about the very subjects that I am over-thinking. My secondary personality aspect, the Explorer is sexual, impulsive, and creative. Yep, that fits, too.

I haven’t had my boyfriend take the quiz yet, but I’m pretty sure he’s a Negoiator, as well. He’s the same with the over-think-iness. And the talking about it. I love that about him. He examines his feelings, shares what he’s discovered, then re-examines the entire thing.  A man who wants to talk about a relationship. How cool is that?

My friend, Scarlett, looked at the book and she said she’s read it all before, but I noticed that she had a hard time putting it down. She’s like me in the wanting to think things through, examine them, figure out the motivation behind a particular action or turn of phrase.

If you are interested in reading about what makes you and your partner or your would-be partner tick, then I suggest you take a look at Helen Fisher’s book. She’s an easy read which is not always the case with relationship books.

Image credit: Barnes and Noble.com

Hey, single lady, do you have a list?  A list?  Yes, a list. A piece of paper or maybe its a file in your lap top, where you’ve listed what you would like to find in a man.

*Funny
*Kind
*Strong
*Loyal
*Sexy
*Open-minded
*Likes kids
*Smart
*Patient
*Tall
*Between the ages of 37 and 45
*Some gray hair
*Smells good
*Values family

That is an excerpt from my list. I started with the bare bones, then I thought, “Funny, but also able to be still and quiet, because I need some peace, too.”

I can remember reading about a love spell of sorts where you make the list, then burn it and send it out into the Universe which may or may not be something that you’d like to try. Any excuse to buy a new scented candle works for me.

My friend, Scarlett, she sent me her list in an email awhile back. She had, “Man who reads,” on there. Oh, yeah, I thought, that would be wonderful, but I was worried that by putting that on my list, I’d be asking for too much. Within hours, I signed onto Facebook, where I saw that my old friend, a friend I felt crush-ish about, was talking about books. Hot damn, I thought, I’m hooked!  A man who reads - not too much to wish for, at all.

Try the list idea. Burn it, hold onto it, revise it, whatever. The purpose is to examine exactly what you’d like to find in a partner. My theory is this - you are less likely to allow the wrong one to run you around if you have some idea of what the right one will look like.

Here’s an excerpt from Scarlett’s list:

*TEETH–the first thing I see when I look at a guy
*Color eyes, hair and all that are just part of the package so I would say it is their body language, smile and personality that makes them attractive to me.
*They do need to be in good shape too. 
*Nice ass is good too but with the baggy style jeans you really can’t tell until they are naked and then it is too late–usually hooked on the person by then…
*Now for the heart of the matter, reader (more than magazines), thinker, kind, considerate, financially responsible (do not have to be rich or a sugar daddy) no couch potatoes or total lets-watch-every-sports-show-on-TV either.
*Must like the outdoors
*Occupation does not matter
*Must be in touch spiritually and like to socialize and travel…….

Image credit: All Posters.com