The Decision to Snoop

There are definitely situations where the decision to take advantage of access to private information is the right decision.  Many cheaters and liars have been caught through reading emails or text messages.  It is a very serious decision to decide to snoop around on your partner and I only recommend this decision if you have other evidence that leads you to believe that your partner has been lying.

This is the most important aspect of this decision:  Do not make the decision to snoop unless you are fully prepared to confront your partner about your discovery and take appropriate actions to deal with the situation.  If you think your partner is cheating, finding the actual evidence is going to be mind-blowingly devastating and you need to emotionally prepare yourself to make decisions that will be the right ones for you and your future.

Snooping is not an action that should be taken lightly.  It should not be incorporated into your relationship as a regular activity.  If you decide to snoop it is because you are trying to find out if your partner has been dishonest with you and you are finally taking a step to discover the truth.  If you snoop once and find that your partner is being truthful and honest, have the self-restraint to not snoop again.  You found what you were looking for, so move forward in your relationship with trust and happiness.

The Decision Not To Snoop

In most relationships, the decision to respect each other’s privacy is the right one.  Snooping involves distrust and trust should be a strong element that exists at the base of your relationship.  If you are curious about your partner’s relationships with exes and friends of the opposite sex, that is not a reason to snoop.  Even if you have access to all of your partner’s private information, you should be happy that you trust each other enough to share that and not abuse it.

Snooping will always make you feel guilty and dirty.  It is not a good feeling to go behind your partner’s back, so always try direct communication and calm confrontation before resorting to snooping.  If you are caught snooping, you need to take responsibility for your actions and understand that you have put your relationship at risk by violating mutual trust.  If you are not caught, you risk developing a bad habit that will emotionally separate you from your partner as you sneak around and hide information that you have discovered.

Please take the issue of snooping in a relationship extremely seriously.  Even just quickly checking your partner’s emails or text messages can open the door to behavior that is hurtful and distrustful.  If you are feeling like making the decision to snoop, consider all of the consequences of losing trust in your relationship and truly consider what you are looking to find.

This behavior can be addictive and can become a self-destructive habit extremely quickly, so consider your reasons and consequences before committing to your actions.

Image: sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

How To Decide If You Should Snoop

How about the ones we tell “keep from hurting other’s feelings”: “Oh what a beautiful baby.” “No, I can’t even tell you have 3 cats in your house.” Funny?

But in the office, telling lies is usually about self-perservation and can be costly. And, according to a recent piece written by Andrea for Gannet News Service, — Most workers will lie to avoid confrontations.

• The lie can be as small as telling someone you like their outfit or new hairstyle when you hate it because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, or saying traffic made you late when, in fact, you overslept. It can be as significant as not telling your boss the paperwork that’s due today hasn’t been taken out of the envelope for fear of losing the account.

I’m not talking about the shame of Enron or spying lies, I’m talking about your garden variety, the ones we tell to cover our rear-ends…(although you can see how an office culture of lying can lead to an Enron, no?) or at the very least, distrust among colleagues.

My story happened while employed at a large bank in Manhattan. The people-pleasing part of me can sometimes get the best of me.

I was new, and wanted to impress the higher-ups…so, I did what any dope would do, I took on an assignment that was completely over my head. Everyone else in the department seemed to take on these Herculean tasks and get kudos and affirming nods from the top brass. What I didn’t know, was that they were “accepting” the responsibility and then farming it out…to overworked underlings.

This strategy does two things. It makes you look good in front of the boss at the start of the project, and it allows for a scapegoat if something goes wrong. Beautiful, right?

Those are the kind of maneuvers about which I have no clue. Never received those tools. So, I tried to do EVERYTHING myself, and in the process sabotaged myself. Anything that could go wrong, did: misidentified mailing lists, typos, wrong addresses, poorly written copy, abysmal internal meetings…you name it.

Why did this happen? Because I lied from the start. Had I said “I’ll manage this project, but I’ll need help”…I proably would have gotten the project done properly, and retaiined some self-respect…but instead, I ended up looking weak, clueless and distrustful.

I’m thinking the most reasonable way to avoid mix-ups, anxiety and damage to your career — is to be a stand up gal.

Post from: Blisstree

Are We A Nation of Professional Liars?