The historical transformation in marriage over the ages has created a… paradox for society as a whole. Marriage has become more joyful, more loving, and more satisfying for many couples than ever before in history. At the same time it has become optional and more brittle. These two strands of change cannot be disentangled.

For thousands of years, marriage served so many economic, political, and social functions that the individual needs and wishes of its members (especially women and children) took second place. Marriage was not about bringing two individuals together for love and intimacy, although that was sometimes a welcome side effect. Rather, the aim of marriage was to acquire useful in-laws and gain political or economic advantage.

Only in the last two hundred years, as other economic and political institutions began to take over many of the roles once played by marriage, did Europeans and Americans begin to see marriage as a personal and private relationship that should fulfill their emotional and sexual desires. Once that happened, free choice became the societal norm for mate selection, love became the main reason for marriage, and a successful marriage came to be defined as one that met the needs of its members.

But each of these changes had negative as well as positive implications for the stability of marriage as an institution. No sooner did the ideal of marrying for love triumph than its most enthusiastic supporters started demanding the right to divorce if love died. Once people came to believe that families should nurture children rather than exploit their labor, many began to feel that the legal consequences of illegitimacy for children were inhumane. And when people started thinking that the quality of the relationship was more important than the economic functions of the institution, some men and women argued that the committed love of two unmarried individuals, including those of the same sex, deserved at least as much social respect as a formal marriage entered into for mercenary reasons.

Post from: Blisstree

Marriage – Two Strands of Change

To entice you, I’m going to offer up a book. I mentioned that I’ve been reading Marriage: a History, and it has been fascinating. So, I’m going to buy one of you a copy. All you have to do is take my challenge.

The challenge: Define marriage.

That’s it. The rules:

• The contest is open all week. Leave your definition as a comment by 11:59 PM EDT on Saturday, May 3rd. I’ll announce a winner Sunday… or perhaps Monday.
• I’m looking for a dictionary definition, not an encyclopedia entry, so you need to keep in short. One or two sentences tops.
• No commentary on other definitions. You don’t have to agree with someone else’s definition, but this post is not the place to haggle… much less argue.
• I will be ordering the book from Amazon, so entry is limited to whomever I can ship to without incurring obscene shipping fees.
• Kerri and I are the sole judges of all entries. We reserve the right to moderate or edit comments; qualify or disqualify entries; and determine what “obscene” shipping fees are. (We’ll know them if we see them.)

Good luck, and now go put your inner word smith to work!

Post from: Blisstree

What Is Marriage?

Marriage today is held up as a blissful haven of love and friendship, sex and stability. We long for the gold standard, the traditional marriage, but marriage turns out to have a checkered past. This real look at what people think of as “traditional” finally explains why so many people are so anxious about marriage.

In this groundbreaking book, award-winning historian Stephanie Coontz takes us on journey from the marital intrigues of ancient Babylon to the sexual torments of Victorian lovers to the current debates over the meaning and future of marriage. She provides the definitive story of marriage’s evolution from the arranged unions common since the dawn of civilization into the intimate, sexually fulfilling but volatile relationships of today.

I’ve got the book on request from my library and will review it in due time. While you’re waiting, you can read the first chapter on-line over at the author’s website.

Post from: Blisstree

Marriage, a History