Since I got the cookbook gig I have been writing until late at night, trying to meet deadlines with that while at the same time trying to keep up with my editorial duties at LoveToKnow Antiques, and my writing across the subjects there (normally 24 or so articles a month), my writing on homesteading and green issues at Hubpages, and my four blogs here at b5…Plus the various freelance gigs that I am offered here and there.  Don’t get me wrong..it is a wonderful blessing, especially since Marc lost his job because of his disability.  I get to be home, homeschool, AND make money.  I like it.

But..it is a lot of work…and it does take an awful lot of hours right now.  So I am often writing at midnight or later.  So it was last weekend when I saw an email by someone named Annie Brown.

Upon opening the email I found a very nice letter, inquiring whether or not I would consider reviewing a book that she and her husband had created…Umm..He wrote it but she …uh…well…birthed it so to speak.

The book is called Just Do It and it chronicles the 100+ day sexual challenge that this fascinating woman challenged her husband with.  Every day for 100+ days. EVERY day.

So I emailed her back…and she emailed me back…and so on.  She is really nice, by the way…and nice always has a better chance of getting my attention.

So, I got the book today, and I have not had time to read it but I wanted to let you know it is in the works.  I have read the introduction and I am getting the hint that Anne and I are very VERY much alike. We’ll see.  Because after I’ve read this I think I will probably have gotten to know her very well.     So far I haven’t seen the place where she suggest I buy a stripper pole for the bedroom but I may just have missed that part.

Anyway, Marc will read it at the same time and then we will both give our thoughts on it. Just wanted to let you know that we are looking out for ya!  Best books, best games, coolest stuff…all here…all the time… LOL!

I am hoping to interview her/them for the blog….and I have a hunch I am going to really like this book…

No fair reading ahead, y’all.

And Annie, if you are reading this….THANKS!

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Image:Amazon

Post from: Blisstree

Prequel to a Book Review

One of the books in my extensive library that I really love is For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn.

You don’t think my library is extensive? HAH! I have floor to ceiling bookcases in the dining room, two large book cases in the reception parlor AND floor to almost ceiling bookcases that line the upstairs hallway. And the ceilings are something like 10 or 11 feet..or so…whatever.

Anyway, amongst all of those books this is one that I recommend to a lot of women. It is not written from a Christian point of view, if that is an issue for you, however I did not find anything in it that was off the wall. Basically it is what we all want…a look…a tour…a guided tour of the brain of the typical American male.

She interviewed hundreds of men about issues such as what they deemed to be romantic (40% said going on a hike or playing golf with their wives) or whether they cared if their mate was overweight ( 75 % do, whether they say so or not) for a really interesting and eye opening look into the male brain.

But, the book would be worthless unless she gave you ideas about how to use the information..Did you know that only one man in four felt actively appreciated by his family?

Ladies, men are big appreciation sponges! As much as we need to hear that we are hot, beautiful, gorgeous, inviting, desirable, sexy, or whatever they need to hear that you appreciate that they took out the garbage, fixed the leaky faucet, or brought home the bacon!

This is one you will read more than once. It is on my must have list. For less than $12.00 you can have a road map to his brain.

And guys? She wrote one for you too, called For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

Let’s face it, none of us has a clue about the other. Men are just as mysterious as women, and maybe more so. Taking a little time to read one of these books might open up the communication a bit. Oh..there is also a study guide in case you want to use it as a group study.

Image:Courtesy of Amazon

Post from: Blisstree

Understanding the Male Mind

Still there is a section at the end that caught my attention. Paul is unabashedly urging the members of the church not to marry. Here’s an excerpt:

And I want you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the things of the world, how to please his wife, and he is divided. An unmarried woman or a virgin is concerned about the things of the Lord, to be holy both in body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the things of the world, how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place a limitation on you, but so that without distraction you may give notable and constant service to the Lord.

There is a reality acknowledged here that tends to be forgotten, namely that marriage requires two people to come to one decision about major life choices. Paul’s religious application aside, these words remind us that a marriage consists of two independent people. When two people get married there is no magic that suddenly causes them to desire the same things, to have the same life goals. Likewise, there is no magic that causes a married couple to continually mature and change in ways that keep them together.

No, the reality is there will always be a tension. Throughout a marriage, the desires of each individual will pull against the commitment to a unified life expressed by the marriage vows. In little ways and big, each spouse will be faced with a choice many times over throughout his or her marriage: Will I choose my independence or will I choose my marriage?

This is not to say that the two choices will always run counter to one another. There will be times when the path of individual growth runs parallel to the path of marriage. Those times should be cherished, for they give the sensation of soaring as you mature both individually and as a couple. But it is not always thus.

Nor do I mean that one must always sacrifice his – or more commonly her – individual growth for the other’s individual growth. No, that is domination and subjugation, and they have no part in marriage. Rather, I am referring to “mutual submission,” if I may use another expression from the New Testament, where each spouse submits his or her independent will to the mutual marriage commitment.

It is as if marriage brings a third entity into existence. When two people marry, they create a third thing, the marriage itself. In order to live and grow and thrive, the marriage must be fed by each spouse. Each one must regularly pour something of him or herself into the marriage, so that the marriage, acting as a reservoir, can overflow and return those resources when needed. The flow through the marriage cannot for any length of time be one way, instead each spouse must add to it by renewing their commitment to it and submitting their independence to it.

Post from: Blisstree

Independence vs. Marriage

The historical transformation in marriage over the ages has created a… paradox for society as a whole. Marriage has become more joyful, more loving, and more satisfying for many couples than ever before in history. At the same time it has become optional and more brittle. These two strands of change cannot be disentangled.

For thousands of years, marriage served so many economic, political, and social functions that the individual needs and wishes of its members (especially women and children) took second place. Marriage was not about bringing two individuals together for love and intimacy, although that was sometimes a welcome side effect. Rather, the aim of marriage was to acquire useful in-laws and gain political or economic advantage.

Only in the last two hundred years, as other economic and political institutions began to take over many of the roles once played by marriage, did Europeans and Americans begin to see marriage as a personal and private relationship that should fulfill their emotional and sexual desires. Once that happened, free choice became the societal norm for mate selection, love became the main reason for marriage, and a successful marriage came to be defined as one that met the needs of its members.

But each of these changes had negative as well as positive implications for the stability of marriage as an institution. No sooner did the ideal of marrying for love triumph than its most enthusiastic supporters started demanding the right to divorce if love died. Once people came to believe that families should nurture children rather than exploit their labor, many began to feel that the legal consequences of illegitimacy for children were inhumane. And when people started thinking that the quality of the relationship was more important than the economic functions of the institution, some men and women argued that the committed love of two unmarried individuals, including those of the same sex, deserved at least as much social respect as a formal marriage entered into for mercenary reasons.

Post from: Blisstree

Marriage – Two Strands of Change

A very wise friend once told me that marriage is the three C’s. Commitment, communication and compromise. I like to add caring, crazy and the occasional good cuss to that list!

Thanks to all who entered, and be sure to keep an eye out on our Big Purge 2008. I’m betting there will be a couple more giveaways in the next couple weeks.

Post from: Blisstree

Book Giveaway Winner

To entice you, I’m going to offer up a book. I mentioned that I’ve been reading Marriage: a History, and it has been fascinating. So, I’m going to buy one of you a copy. All you have to do is take my challenge.

The challenge: Define marriage.

That’s it. The rules:

• The contest is open all week. Leave your definition as a comment by 11:59 PM EDT on Saturday, May 3rd. I’ll announce a winner Sunday… or perhaps Monday.
• I’m looking for a dictionary definition, not an encyclopedia entry, so you need to keep in short. One or two sentences tops.
• No commentary on other definitions. You don’t have to agree with someone else’s definition, but this post is not the place to haggle… much less argue.
• I will be ordering the book from Amazon, so entry is limited to whomever I can ship to without incurring obscene shipping fees.
• Kerri and I are the sole judges of all entries. We reserve the right to moderate or edit comments; qualify or disqualify entries; and determine what “obscene” shipping fees are. (We’ll know them if we see them.)

Good luck, and now go put your inner word smith to work!

Post from: Blisstree

What Is Marriage?

1. Gen Xers saw more divorces than successful marriages.
2. Without role models, many GenXers turned to music, movies and television for examples of healthy relationships.
3. Our teen relationships were intense and often included sexuality, leading to intense breakups and the resulting baggage.
4. Gen Xers were starved for quality time, so they appreciate balance.
5. Gen Xers were labeled the “slackers” and the “grunge” generation.

I haven’t read the book, but Goyer is definitely writing to my demographic. Growing up on the other side of the 60’s Cultural Revolution created a new world, and we slackers are the vanguard. My own experience doesn’t reflect all of the points above, but I know plenty whose did.

Click over, and see if you can’t win yourself a book!

Post from: Blisstree

Book Giveaway! Generation NeXt Marriage

Marriage today is held up as a blissful haven of love and friendship, sex and stability. We long for the gold standard, the traditional marriage, but marriage turns out to have a checkered past. This real look at what people think of as “traditional” finally explains why so many people are so anxious about marriage.

In this groundbreaking book, award-winning historian Stephanie Coontz takes us on journey from the marital intrigues of ancient Babylon to the sexual torments of Victorian lovers to the current debates over the meaning and future of marriage. She provides the definitive story of marriage’s evolution from the arranged unions common since the dawn of civilization into the intimate, sexually fulfilling but volatile relationships of today.

I’ve got the book on request from my library and will review it in due time. While you’re waiting, you can read the first chapter on-line over at the author’s website.

Post from: Blisstree

Marriage, a History

But I’ve only got one marriage book on the nightstand. I’m sure I’ll come up with something, but I want to put out a call for suggestions and recommendations. Anything you’ve heard about and want me to read? Anything you’ve read and think I should read?

Leave the title in the comments and I’ll add it to the queue. Meanwhile, check out our other posts on Marriage Books.

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Post from: Blisstree

Marriage Book Request

Fertel doesn’t waste time talking about how or how often a husband and wife should have sex. Instead he gets to the root issue of our unavoidable attraction for other humans. Call it design or call is selection, either way men are attracted to women and vice versa. (This isn’t the place for a conversation on homosexuality; stay on topic with me.) Entering into a lifelong monogamous relationship doesn’t – as much as we might like it to – suddenly alter our physiology so that we no longer find anyone other than our spouse attractive. Au contraire, mes amis!

Just as the suggestion put forth by Fertel in the first three steps – time, gifts, activities and interests – will build attraction and will strengthen your relationship with your spouse; so, too, will those same things build attraction and strengthen your relationship with someone who is not your spouse should you choose to live in that way. Fidelity is not a one time election made on your wedding day. No, it is a series of decisions made day by day over the course of a lifetime. The positive aspect is to choose your spouse; the negative it to not choose someone else.

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Post from: Blisstree

Marriage Fitness 7