So, I heard this today and did a little checking around and…sure enough…the Mom in Law is moving in  with them “for now”.

The phrase sends chills down my spine.

She isn’t ill or anything; she has been a stabilizing force for the children during the campaign and election and in the flurry of moving everything from Chicago to DC.  She has heard their prayers, read them storie, and given them baths.  I can see that.  Kids need familiarity and security.  They need routine.

And granted the White House is one humongous domicile.  With something like 35 bathrooms there should be no problems there.

I guess that the problem I see is that no matter how big the residence is the First Couple will lack privacy with mom there unless they are very different than most of us.

Seems to me that most people revert to childhood around their parents, taking on roles and character traits that may be unhealthy or just irritating to their spouse.  Take almost any adult male and put him at Mom’s house and all of a sudden he is being reminded to change his underwear and being fed milk and cookies.  And it isn’t just the guys.  I watch my very mature 27 year old (ALMOST 27 year old) daughter turn into a teenager at our house, tickling and taunting siblings, holding them down and tormenting them in true sibling style and expecting to be somewhat pandered to .  And she is 8 months pregnant with her third child.

Then there is the normal familial control issues over the grandkids.  The possibility exists I suppose that Gramma is going to be a nanny-like person and raise the kids.  But if that happens that is going to bring on some rather pointed criticism in itself.

I am not being critical, by the way, my mom lived with us for the last six months of her life.  Noone knows better than I do how difficult living with a parent can be..and Marc can vouch for the in-law side of it, although she liked Marc much better than me there at the end of her life.

This is real concern because adjusting to everything they have to adjust to is going to be stressful at best.  I am trying to imagine being the First Lady of the United States of America and having my mom giving me one of the “looks” when I held my fork wrong or my neckline was a little too low.

So, what do you think?  Bad idea?  Good idea?

image:sxc

Post from: Blisstree

Obama’s Mother in Law to Live in the White House

Until a recent comment from a reader I really hadn’t thought about this much.  I knew it happened, of course, but I hadn’t really thought about it as being a reason for some marriages to be celibate.

So, you know me, I did some research on the web and…wow.  It seems to be more prevalent that I would have thought.

What are the statistics?

2001 U.S. Census figures show as many as 4 million Americans could be married or have been unknowingly married to a gay spouse living a double lifestyle.  Since that was eight years ago, and there have been movies like Brokeback Mountain since then once could assume that it was actually more.

An excellent site for women who need support, finding themselves in this situation is Bonnie Kaye’s site, Gay Husbands Straight Wives. There are books available, but also articles, chats and a checklist which I have copied in part:

• You have a normal sexual appetite, but your mate thinks you have excessive sexual
  needs.
• There is a decline of sexual activity early in your marriage.
• Your husband is repulsed by normal sexual activity.

These first three are the three that are the most difficult because they happen in many instances for various reasons.  Obviously if your mate has admitted to bisexual behavior or homosexual activity you might wonder…but these three seem to me to be the three that many women could say, “yeah, that is happening to me”.

On another site a woman who had recently found out that her husband was gay made the comment that he had always liked to have oral sex performed on him but was not anxious to reciprocate.  That would make sense, wouldn’t it?

I have made no secret that my opinions are conservative.  While I have no personal issues with homosexuals, and have friends that are, I don’t support the lifestyle.  I don’t want this to turn into a free for all so any comments that are purely pro or anti homosexual and are not on topic will be removed. The topic here is purely straight women married to gay men and how they cope.

• If you have this experience how did you find out?
• Did you know before marriage?
• How do you cope?
• What are your long term plans?

If you are a gay man married to a straight wife:

• Why did you choose to get married?
• Do you think it is fair to your wife?
• Does she know?
• What are your plans?

Keep it civil please.  And if you want to share your story in a private way you can email it to me and I will post it with no names, no emails, no identifying features.

image:SXC

Post from: Blisstree

Gay Husbands/Straight Wives:One Closet Reason for Celibate Marriage

I just read this news account of the most ridiculous divorce suit ever.  Are you ready for this? Absolutely sure?

All right.

Take a deep breath, make sure there is not coke, tea or coffee in your mouth and read on.

Apparently Dawnelle Batista has had kidney problems for much of her life.  In 2001 her husband, surgeon Richard Batisa donated one of his healthy kidneys to his wife.

You guessed it folks.  Mr. Batista wants his kidney back OR payment for the organ in the sum of 1.5 million dollars.

I am pretty sure that since Mr. Batista is a surgeon, MRS. Batista isn’t going to stick her tongue out at him and say “Come and get it, jerk.”  but how incredibly stupid is this suit?

Isn’t possession 9/10ths of the law?  I mean, seriously?

If you want to read the whole sordid story AOL is featuring it.

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Post from: Blisstree

Seriously? Give Me Back My What?

I love scientific studies.  Oh, not because I am a science geek but because they make me laugh.

Take this one.  Researchers have found that women prefer more masculine faces the closer they get to ovulation but more feminine faces (on men) the further they get away from ovulation…

Which explains to me why women are really schizo during their period which is exactly halfway from the last ovulation and before the next one.

Now, I am not sure what researchers thought was going ot be accomplished by this bit of info.

“Hey honey, it is day 6, would you put on a little mascara please? You know how hot that makes me…”

“Babe,  it is day 13, lose the mascara…where is your beard? You know I love that beard of yours…”

I haven’t noticed this ..I pretty much am drawn to the same things all the time.  Maybe I am just in a constant state of ovulation?  I really dislike effeminite men…It creeps me out.  Even if they are straight and they are too in touch with their feminine self it is distracting.

To me the sexiest guys are working, shirt off, ax in hand doing man stuff…  Don’t want aftershave, perfumey shampoo or any of that.  I want a man that is more man than I am.  Where, even in a suit and tie you know he could take the jacket off and fix a tire or help birth a calf.

One of the things that I like about Marc is he looks and acts like a guy.

So, ladies? Kinder and gentler or bold and aggressive? Or do you see saw back and forth?

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Post from: Blisstree

Guys with Two Faces Have the Edge

Sex?

A Woman’s Health Report has recently found that there are a great number of women that simply do not care that a man is in a committed relationship.   In fact according ot some of the women that made the man more enticing because they did not need to worry about the relationship getting more serious.

And the women weren’t just sleeping with the guys whose mates they didn’t know…Yep, according to this study it is all about Desperate Housewives.

Every woman for herself and if the package looks appealing then it doesn’t matter whose name is on the gift tag.

Wow.

Now, I am so NOT saying that men have no responsibility here.  If a woman comes on to Marc he had better retreat to the safety of the marital zone really quick…or face instant and unrelenting violence.  But in that, it used to be that you could at least trust your friends to leave your hubs alone.

I realize that there is a lot of controversy over whether married men and women can be friends with members of the opposite sex.  It just seems to be that it is a little naive to think that a man and woman (unmarried ) can spend large amounts of time together, share their thoughts and feelings with each other, and not end up with some sort of emotional ties that “could” lead to something more. After all..it is easy to be on your best behavior with a friend.  And people on their best behavior are much more appealing than people (of either sex) with PMS.

If I see a queen bee about to move in on my territory I slide in quick, grab his arm, and stay very close, all smiles and sweetness on the face and daggers of poison in the eyes.  Generally this is respected…. if not I go the next step.  Intimidation.  That always works.And I am darn good at it.

The funniest thing is that Marc never even sees or notices when it happens.  He is totally oblivious.

Anyway…Ladies, do you do take any steps to add a bit of protective covering to your husband?

Men, what is your response when you are approached? I think it is funny that many men don’t seem to GET that someone is hitting up on them.

Image:Morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

All’s Fair in Love and …..

You knew it was coming, didn’t you?

So Hallmark has introduced gay marriage cards. They don’t feel it is a political statement, but rather answering consumer demand. You can read the whole story here.

For the record, I am definitely on the anti side of gay marriage. I am, as I have all ready said in another post, heartily sick of marriage being tugged at, prodded, pushed, and having it’s boundaries stretched.

It reminds me of the 1970s when some women decided that not only did they want to be sports reporters but that they wanted to do interviews in the locker-rooms. As a teenager with healthy hormones I often dreamed of doing interviews with certain athletes in the locker-rooms but lets not go there, o.k.?

Boundary stretching seems to be what our society is all about. What is the definition of sex, what is the definition of marriage, what is the definition of definition….

It does not hurt me that Hallmark came out with same sex marriage cards. I don’t feel threatened by it. But I do think that it should be in another category.

“Sin” comes to mind as being a good one…

I realize that companies are all about the profits but I fail to see how a company can create a Christian card and a Gay marriage card in the same factory. I think it is written in Deuteronomy or Leviticus that you are not supposed to mix certain things…It isn’t Kosher.

But I could be happy if they would just call them “Committed Relationship” cards. That way it would just cover all of those relationships where people don’t want to actually, you know, cut covenant.

I have read so much lately about how marriage is a sham, and how it has historically just been a political agreement…

Well, that is true. Geez, that is like someone looking at me and saying “YOU! YOU ARE NOT PERFECT!!!”

“Psh, Really? Crap!”

News-flash Genius, there is no requirement for romance in the marriage covenant…that is sort of the whipped cream and chocolate sauce….

So…Hey, grab a cup of coffee or tea, and a scone or something and settle in…this is going to be long.

First let’s look at the word, Marriage. Bolds, mine.

MAR’RIAGE, n. [L.mas, maris.] The act of uniting a man and woman for life; wedlock; the legal union of a man and woman for life. Marriage is a contract both civil and religious, by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity, till death shall separate them. Marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity,and for securing the maintenance and education of children.

Webster’s 1828 Dictionary

It is a contract. So, if political powers in days past used it for political leverage that was o.k…it was within the legal definition of the contract.Sure, some marriages are bad, but just because Enron screwed up doesn’t mean that we totally restructure what a corporation is, does it? Because if it does, Hallmark is in trouble.

Now, being a foodie I happen to know that Devonshire cream only comes from one place. Champagne only comes from one place. Kona Coffee only comes from one place. There can be other imitations of those things, and they can even advertise being Champagne style, Devonshire style, etc. but they cannot claim to be the original.So Hallmark should have stated that they have ‘Come Out” with marriage style cards for Gays. I could live with that.

In the 1970s, back in the dark ages before Al Gore spoke and the Internet and global warming were created, I worked in the visual merchandising field in Dallas. I was also an artist, painting on commissions from local interior decorators…AND I modeled some. At the ripe old age of 17, as a very, very heterosexual female I was immersed in the gay community. The photographers I worked with, the guys that I did store displays with (at places like Neiman’s, Lord and Taylor, and Joske’s), the interior decorators…the guy that did my hair….When I went to the disco I went with my friends, who were all gay guys, and we went to a then famous Dallas club called Old Plantation, the 1977 Mecca for the Gay community.

I went to many, MANY Dallas parties at addresses on streets like Herschel and Oak Lawn. I have seen gay relationships up close. They may be alot of things…but they are neither marriages, nor are they gay (happy, joyful, fun).

And…Hallmark is not even really being politically correct with this thing….If I was gay, I would be pretty ticked at the sexism that Hallmark is showing..I mean they have two tuxs on a card, but not two wedding dressings.  Let’s not overlook the small things guys, stereotypes and sexism are just as rampant in the pro-gay community as anywhere else.

I find it humorous that lawyers and judges, those people that study the law the most are the very ones pushing the boundaries and trying to twist words to say what they want them to.

And just as soon as gay marriage is commonplace and everyone is cool with it…we will have someone pushing the boundaries and trying to have marriages between people and animals recognized by the government, and then people and plants…and then people and rubber dolls…..

It used to be called insanity..but now we just call it freedom of choice.

Image: Photo provided by Hallmark, AP photo/Hallmark

Post from: Blisstree

Hallmark “Comes Out” with Gay Marriage Cards

Say it.

Sex ch-ch-ch- challenge.  A Florida pastor has issued a thirty day sex challenge to the married  couples in his congregation.

He thinks it is a great way to combat divorce.

I have to say, I totally agree.  While marriage may not be ALL about sex, the sex is what makes the difference between having a husband and having a best friend.

Intimacy seems to be the thing that is amazingly hard to keep in marriages long term.  Anyone can argue that there are lots of ways to be intimate but  the fact is that sex is one of  the most effective.   And it’s pretty fun if you do it right.

So…30 day sex challenge? Hmmm….

Marc?

Image:Morguefile

Post from: Blisstree

Pastor Issues 30 Day….WHAT?

A friend remarked that that’s longer than Senator McCain has been alive. Craziness.

The happy couple appeared on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno the other night. Among other things, we found out that their little ones are now 71 and 64 years old (I think that’s right). They also enjoy playing the Not-So-Newlywed Game. Their answer to the strangest place they’ve made whoopie? A plane! And when Jay asked if it was a propeller or jet plane, they said both!

I can only imagine the stories they have to tell.

You can read their story here.

Post from: Blisstree

Irma and Ray Ziff–Married 75 years!

Meet Mildred and Richard.

They grew up outside of Richmond, Virginia in the 40’s and met as children. When Mildred was 18 she became pregnant, so they got married. Only, as you’ll notice, Mildred is black and Richard is white, and in 1958 it was illegal for an interracial couple to marry in Virginia.

They actually went to Washington D.C. to be married, but a few weeks after they returned home, the sheriff got them out of bed in the middle of the night and arrested them on an anonymous tip. They were found guilty of miscegenation, and given the choice to spend a year in jail or leave Virginia for the next 25 years. The trial judge made what in retrospect is a dreadfully ignorant statement, but one which fairly summarized the beliefs of many at the time:

Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, Malay and red, and he placed them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he did not intend for the races to mix.

The Lovings left Virginia, but eventually decided to sue for the right to return home. Their case made it to the Supreme Court who on June 12, 1967, ruled that bans on interracial marriage were unconstitutional. Here is a part of that decision:

Marriage is one of the “basic civil rights of man,” fundamental to our very existence and survival. … To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State’s citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.

Richard died back in 1975, and last week Mildred passed away… in Virginia.

Kerri and I owe a debt of gratitude to the Lovings. Without their courage, we might not have been allowed to marry. Nor Kerri’s parents. Nor so many others. So, I ask you today to set aside a moment of remembrance for the Lovings. May they rest in peace.

Link: LovingDay.org
Link: Wikipedia
Link: Michigan Messenger

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Post from: Blisstree

RIP – Mildred Loving

• 4 in 5 of us will be married at least once
• 1 in 3 will be divorced at least once

Here’s an interesting comment by George Barna, director of the study:

“There no longer seems to be much of a stigma attached to divorce; it is now seen as an unavoidable rite of passage,” the researcher indicated. “Interviews with young adults suggest that they want their initial marriage to last, but are not particularly optimistic about that possibility. There is also evidence that many young people are moving toward embracing the idea of serial marriage, in which a person gets married two or three times, seeking a different partner for each phase of their adult life.”

What do you think of these statistics? Do agree that many see divorce as “unavoidable” or even as part of a natural progression through adult life?

Post from: Blisstree

Marriage & Divorce Statistics – The Barna Group