*Go forth with confidence. It’s the fake-it-till-you-make-it school of thought.

Santos says, “Men are taught that confidence solves just about anything. You can be making a total mistake, but as long as you’re confident, it will turn out okay. This may explain why we are so clueless at what we are doing in bed, but we act like we know.”

*A little self-control is not a bad thing. Have a glass of wine, but I don’t care how they are portrayed in romantic-comedies, a sloppy drunk girl is not cute.

Santos says, “Getting too tipsy on a date is a turnoff. Some people turn into a completely different person when they are drunk. Let the other person learn about you while you’re sober… Alcohol should be introduced into the relationship slowly…”

*He really does like the natural look. My daughter was telling me that her new boyfriend doens’t want her to wear makeup. They all say this and I think that they like the idea that their girl is a natural beauty, but we ladies can feel more confident with a little makeup. The trick is to keep it light and subtle.

Santos says, “Seems like as time goes by, makeup makes like the earth and erodes and changes with weathering. There is nothing more ghastly than makeup run amuck in the morning after spending the night together.”

*Men think women are crazy. I could take offense at this one, but I’m going to give men a break here. It’s not just women – humans are crazy. The trick is the find the crazy that you can stand to live with.

Santos says, “Once I accepted that women were ‘crazy’ (many older guys had insisted they were for years), it seemed to take a huge load of pressure off me. No longer was I trying to rationalize moves that women made that got me into crazy analysis cycles. When I just throw it all out the window and dismiss it as ‘crazy,’ it makes it easier to deal.”

*Yes, commitment does scare him. Here’s where I think women differ – we take a man and we make him somehow fit with our ideal. We stick him into a box where maybe he doesn’t fit so well. Men are the opposite, they wonder about the possibilities and question how they will recognize The One when she arrives.

Santos says, “Commitment means that I’ve decided that the woman I’m settling down with is perfect and there is no one else out there for me. Commitment means I’ve found my soul mate, that I am completely secure with myself, and that there should be no going back. I don’t know about you, but all of that is pretty heavy.”

Check out the rest of Rich Santo’s 20 Secrets Men Keep here.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

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The Mystery That is Man, 5 Quick Insights

For example, in the article Romantic Chemistry, Explained, by Dan Bova, she tackles the question of why can a couple feel great sexual intimacy together, but still be unable to connect in other ways?  Dr Fisher explains:

“Sexual chemistry does not always equal love, and this is because we’ve evolved distinct brain systems for mating…One system controls the craving for sexual gratification. Another system rules over romantic love, that obsessive thinking and craving and focusing on one individual. They’re not always connected, which is why you can be madly in love with someone and only have so-so sex, while you can have intensely passionate sex with someone you never want to see again!.. You can start having sex with someone and then fall in love…Sometimes one thing can trigger the other.” 

Interesting theory, although the idea of casual sex leading to something more is dangerous, in my opinion. I was talking to a few of my girlfriends and this came up. I said that in the case of a woman, feelings can develop very easily, but for men sometimes sex is just sex. It’s not always the case, but from what I’ve seen, it happens more frequently for women than for men.  Out of the three of us – one was in agreement with me, one was not.

What do you think?  Am I wrong in thinking that women are more likely to develop feelings for a man they are casually, but intimately involved with?  Do you agree with Dr. Fisher’s theory about the systems? 

Post from: Blisstree

The Mystery of Sexual Chemistry

I’ve tried to be more relaxed about our relationship lately. We’ve been a couple for a year now and although I love him very much, it’s been a challenging year. We live 6 hours apart and that may not sound far, but between us we have the responsibilities of 6 children and 4 jobs. It’s not easy to get together time.

He’s spoken about long term plans in a loose sort of way – he sees us together. I can see that happening, but I’m also somewhat focused on the day to day. A long distance relationship requires maintenance like any other relationship, maybe even more.

He went through a sort of crisis this past Winter which lead to a move and job changes. It took some time and he struggled. When he struggled, he would be out of touch. When we would speak again, he would be surprised that I was upset. Didn’t I know that he loved me? Didn’t I understand that sometimes he just needed to be left alone? I resented that everything was on his terms. Didn’t he understand that I had emotional needs, as well?

At one point I found that I felt morally superior to him – I’d never treat the people that I loved in the way that he treated me. It bothered me that I felt that way. I didn’t think that things would work out between us, I thought it’d be easier to find someone who lived close, but I made the decision to wait the rough patch out.

Currently, we are on the other side of that patch. Still, nothing is perfect and today he hurt my feelings. I felt angry. I let it go. I emailed my friend and vented a bit. I told myself that this problem was not here to stay, it was a temporary thing that would pass. I reminded myself that this did not have to be solved today, that I love him and my kids love him and yeah, sometimes he’s complicated, but he’s not only complicated.

Dating, relationships, they are tough. There’s no perfect person anywhere. Sometimes I have to remind myself to relax, to remember that men and women are different. In the past I’ve given up on things when they got too challenging. I don’t want to do that anymore. I’ve watched my sister and her husband, I’ve seen that sometimes I’m going to think my guy is a jackass, because sometimes he is a jackass. If I can’t handle that, then we aren’t meant for the long term.

So, again, I’ll wait it out. I hope that he will do the same when I am inevitably playing the role of jackass.

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Sometimes There’s A Jackass…