I honestly believed that the idea that someone could be dating more than one person at the same time was something that only happened in movies or to extremely naive people.  But unfortunately I am finding out that it is becoming more and more common!  It’s one thing to have a mistress who is fully aware of her status, but it is quite another to convince each woman that they are in an exclusive relationship.  Married men are taking their rings off when they go out to bars and guys with serious girlfriends are starting new relationships on the side.

It might sound like a lot of work for someone to maintain more than one “exclusive” relationship, but I think the frequency in occurrence relates back to ideas of polygamy and a male desire for multiple women.  A male with low self-confidence gets a great boost from new interest from a woman.  Although they want what is new, they are also unwilling to give up the boost coming from the serious relationship they already have.  So the obvious solution is…why not continue both? I doubt that they fully think this scenario through to imagine how it will all be resolved, but I’m pretty sure the dream scenario involves something like two women fighting over one man.

It’s all quite crazy, but I just wanted to bring up the issue to draw attention to the fact that it is happening more and more.  Intelligent women who have had perfectly respectable boyfriends and serious relationships have ended up falling for these lies and getting into a hurtful and sticky situation.

Don’t be overly cautious or snoopy, but do trust your intuition and use your eyes and ears to catch any oddities that could tip you off.

Image: istock

Post from: Blisstree

Is He Cheating…With You?

Do you watch Mad Men? If you believe the world of Mad Men, in the 1960s cheating was just another part of doing business. I watch the show and think about how things have changed for the better, as far as we women are concerned, but it’s not like cheating went out when the ’60s became the ’70s. 

Who is the Other Woman of the 2000s?

“If the other woman is no longer a wanton villainess and social pariah come to tear your marriage to shreds, then who is she? According to a recent online poll WH conducted, she might be you. Though 79 percent of respondents said that it was never acceptable to fool around with a taken man, a surprising 46 percent admitted to having done it–and more than half of you said they felt no regrets. Even more intriguing, when asked whether you’d rather be a mistress or a deceived wife, more than 62 percent of you opted for the former. “

I’d prefer to skip being either one, but how about you?  Would you rather be a member of the cheating team or the cheated upon?  What about sisterhood?  Why would any woman chose to be a cheater?

“In fact, a woman may take the plunge into an affair precisely because she knows it will be short-term. Nearly 62 percent of our poll respondents who have had affairs with married men said that their forbidden fling wasn’t part of any scheme to snag a husband and that they had no desire to marry the guy..And of all our poll respondents, a little more than 44 percent said that a man’s “taken” status had no bearing on his appeal; they just wanted him.…”

Frequently, these women see themselves as doing a sort of helpful service to unhappily married men. The affair, it’s what drives him to ultimately leave a marriage that is not working. The men are free to live the life that they are meant to live.  Women like that, they feel no guilt.

From that perspective, an affair can be viewed as more a noble cause than a moral transgression.

How is the Other Woman treated?  Is she given presents and trinkets, as per the old movie example?  The affair is exciting and time together is short, so the man frequently treats the other woman very well.  It’s the honeymoon stage basically forever. (Oh, how very lucky for her. Sheesh.)

Another why-do-they-do-it theory has to do with evolutionary research – it’s biology, baby. We want the biggest, the best, and the brightest for our very own.  He’ll make the smartest, strongest, prettiest offspring. The handsome man, in high demand, he’s The Big Catch.

Society’s view of marriage has changed over the years. With so many unions ending in divorce, the reason why a marriage fails and how people view that reason has changed, as well. Unfortunately, for the other woman who is looking to make someone else’s husband her own, most affairs do not end up with the cheaters happily ever after with each other….

“….extramarital flings are as shaky as Amy Winehouse’s sobriety. One survey, of 4,126 male business executives, found that only 3 percent of those who left their wives pursued a serious relationship with their mistresses. And 86 percent of WH poll respondents who’d cheated said that they didn’t end up with their poached paramour either.”

Post from: Blisstree

Cheating – What’s In it For the Other Woman?