Several years ago, when my mother got sick you may remember she was in and out of the hospital a lot and I stayed with her during those times.

Things got a might hairy for me as I lived at the hospital at night (and hoo boy, if something weird was going to happen, it sure happened then), worked during the day and took care of my family in the evenings.

I actually thought I was doing well until the night I thought the car radio was talking to me.

Anyway, when it became apparent that I may have been coming a tad unglued, I got an anonymous e-mail. Someone, I never did find out who it was, e-mailed me and said he/she was “ready to talk” about anything I wanted.

So, I did.

A lot. Which is totally unlike me to open up like that. We exchanged several e-mails, and with that he/she was gone.

My point is that when you’re not sure if you should reach out to someone who’s going through a rough time because you don’t know what to say, do it anyway. You’ll never know how much it could help someone.

Post from: Blisstree

The kindness of strangers

I would tell you how it went for me, but I was out of town and had my dates mixed up and I thought Sunday was the 19th rather than the 20th. When I finally became oriented to date and time, I did pretty well with the whole thing, it’s just really still so strange to me, almost surreal.

I didn’t talk to my dad that day because I was flying most of it, and I thought the significant day was the next day anyway.

I know he’s not going to forget about it or anything, but I still don’t really know what to say to him, sometimes. His mother was very strict when he was growing up, and he was always instructed that you don’t talk about personal things with people and it’s very much stuck with him.

If I wanted to talk to him I could, but he’s not going to reveal much about how he’s doing with it, so there ya go.

My mother always said that as you get older, you get more used to people dying. You don’t necessarily enjoy it, but it’s more naturally a “part of the plan” than it is when you are younger.

The only time I’ve really asked him how he was “doing”, he reflexively replied, “Fine, and you?” as he is not really a member of the Therapy Generation.

I think he’s bored to death here in the middle of the summer, I’m looking forward to him being back to work (he’s a high school teacher) because we certainly aren’t doing anything all that entertaining what with kids needing to go here, there and yonder.

Post from: Blisstree

The second anniversary of my mother’s death

I miss Mother when I go to the grocery store. Since I’m no longer eligible to park in the parking spaces for the handicapped, I must walk by the light blue and white lines as I head across the parking lot that no longer takes me ten minutes to cross. I see Mother grip the handle of the grocery cart and remember the freedom this rolling walker gave her.

Read the rest.

I can so relate, it is the little things you miss.

For me, it’s the Spring Lands’ End catalog.

My mother used to love ordering bathing suits and pajamas for the kids each spring. Sometimes, she’d decide they needed a beach bag and some clothes, too. Nothing earth shattering, but just a small thing.

Now it just kind of makes me sad to see the catalog or buy the kids bathing suits and pajamas.

My dad would be happy to continue to buy the things for the kids, as long as I picked them out and ordered them.

Not quite the same.

Post from: Blisstree

A Mother’s Day tribute

I was talking to my middle child, age 11 and said that perhaps he could say an extra prayer for her since it was her birthday.

I added, not terribly seriously, that I had no idea if they celebrated birthdays in heaven.

My son piped up, “Sure they do. They have angel food cake.”

Post from: Blisstree

Or devils food, perhaps?

We’ve been communicating on a regular basis, and, she’s tried to keep up with my kids, mainly because I think my mother asked her to. But, lately, she’s been a bit distant, with issues of her own.

I guess even she’s moved on a bit from my mother’s death, and, rightly so. I guess I had just gotten used to having someone fuss over the kids, and, freely talk about my mother.

I know if I needed anything, she’s do it in a minute, but, I’m trying to figure out if she feels she’s “put in her time” with me, or, if it’s just a phase in our friendship. She does have a tendency to get caught up in herself (’tis true, but, just part of who she is), so, I don’t think it’s me, but, it’s still left me feeling a bit lonely, in a way.

Post from: Blisstree

My mother’s friend

I started talking about it at Busymom.net, and, I guess I just kept going over there.

Prior to the day, I found myself really restless, and, I couldn’t really pinpoint why, but, I guess this was it.

I talked to my dad to try to figure out what he was thinking, and, to see if he wanted to do anything in particular to celebrate (?) it.

He didn’t say anything about it, though he sounded a little down. I talked to him again later in the day, and, we decided to go out to eat. Other than that, it was pretty uneventful.

As I’ve told people, it seems like it was a year ago, yesterday, and, a lifetime ago all at once. I’m told that’s pretty normal, though.

In a way, it’s kind of nice to have a full year behind me, and, all the “firsts” that go with it.

I also want to thank you, dear readers, for being there with me during those “firsts”, and, helping to assure me that I haven’t indeed lost my mind.

OK, what mind I had left before all this started.

Post from: Blisstree

The First Year

That’s all. Move along now.

Post from: Blisstree

Deep thoughts

It’s weird, it’s not like we did anything really big for it, or, anything, but, it’s just another “first” we have to go through.

The advertising, and, gift guides that abound don’t bother me, nor do people talking about their plans. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m not sure it has to do with Mother’s Day at all.

It was about a year ago that she began to decline pretty rapidly. It was a scary time for me, and, there are annual events coming up that remind me of that time, and, I associate acute episodes in her illness with them.

For example, I was at a community picnic when I found out she had such a hard time breathing she had to take morphine for the first time. That was very significant for her, as, it was something she’d never would have done otherwise, and, now I feel kind of ill at the thought of the picnic coming up.

Eh, I shall get over it, I just need to make new associations since the events are enjoyable ones.

Post from: Blisstree

Thoughts about Mother’s Day

Of course, if I wanted to talk about something related to her, they would. However, the natural progression of our conversations doesn’t include her as frequently.

But, you know? I think that’s OK. We’ve not forgotten, perhaps we are all moving forward.

Post from: Blisstree

Deep thoughts

Don’t know if it’s necessary anymore, but, if it’s customary, I hope they throw a decent party for her in Heaven.

It’s one of those first year after death milestones. So far, though it’s obviously on my mind, it hasn’t been too bad, emotionally.

I haven’t talked to my father. However, he had issues remembering it when she was alive, so, we’ll see if he says anything.

Thus far, I have celebrated by giving a homeless guy 50 cents for a beer, which I NEVER do, he just struck me as interesting (the hazards of using wifi in a public area), but, I asked him to give her a toast.

Ironic, I know, since her 25th AA birthday just passed. The gentleman agreed, and, right after that, an old children’s song she used to sing all the time came on the radio.

Seriously, I have never heard that song on the radio ever, until just now.

Yeah, I know. I don’t usually put stock in stuff like that either, but, now I may have to do just that.

Post from: Blisstree

Happy Birthday to my mother