If you have not started your Adoption Day Planning please do.

Post from: Blisstree

How To: Plan an Adoption Day Celebration

I am sure you have heard plenty of adoption horror stories, right? Many of them are because of bad agencies.

My first word of advice is to go through this list of questions when visiting an agency you like (or talking with them on the phone). It will certainly help you narrow down your choices.

Second, remember that although this is an emotional decision for you, the agency is a business and you, unfortunately, are their client. To them, this is a way to make money and they often will, and can, say things to do that.

Third, make sure you understand the fee structures, what money you will get back if something happens, how to file a complaint, etc.

Fourth, talk to other parents on their recommended families list as well as talk to other families on forums. NOT all families will be happy with their agencies, remember that. But, DO LOOK for the BIG RED FLAGS: Accreditation, misrepresentation, bait and switch, promises not kept, something sounding too good to be true, time lines that sound surreal, etc.

Fifth, GO, GO, GO, to the informational meetings. I can’t stress this enough. You get a much better feel for the agency when you do this. My husband and I thought we really liked one agency but ended up being creeped out by their promises and time-lines.

Post from: Blisstree

Five Steps to Choose an Adoption Agency

Today we have our first Guest Post from Overwhelmed with Joy, a mother who adopted domestically. On her blog she calls him Snuggle Bug. You can also read about their foster daughter, Boo, whom they would like to adopt. This Guest Post is about her son’s birth.

******

My husband and I were one of the lucky adoptive couples that were allowed to be present the day our son was born, in December of 2004.  His birth parents called us as they were heading to the hospital and told us, “Get over here, quick!”   We raced to the car, our stomachs swirling with excitement and anxiety, and stamped down the urge to speed as we drove to the hospital.  We arrived before our son’s birth mother was taken to her birthing room.

We spent several hours chatting in the birthing room, trying to pass the time as we all waited.  Then, when the delivery began, we paced outside the door, listening for our son’s arrival.  We heard silence, and then suddenly the sound of tiny cries reached our ears.  Tears of joy began to fall down my cheeks!

Our son was placed in my arms at exactly 2 minutes old.  I was in a daze as the nurse hustled me to the private room they had set aside for us.  The warmth of the blanket that our son was wrapped in felt comforting.  I was so worried that I’d drop this precious, squirming bundle.  I looked down and saw a shock of dark brown hair sticking up every which way.  My first impressions of our son were, “So much hair” and “he’s so light!”

Our son was taken from my arms and, as the nurse attended to him and cleaned him up, my husband and I watched in stunned silence.  I counted his perfect fingers and toes to be assured that he had just the right number.  I soaked in every detail of him, from his dark hair, little button nose, healthy colored skin, and bright red lips.  He was breathtakingly beautiful, even in his fury at being poked and prodded by the nurse.

Our son’s first day with us was a whirlwind of activity, with frequent visits from his birth family and the nursing staff.  The hours flew by quickly and my husband and I were afraid to miss a single minute of time with him.   We treasured his tiny presence as we snuggled him close, rocked him, and fed him a bottle.  We fumbled a bit as we changed his diaper and dressed him in his tiny little clothes.  Even watching him sleep was a treat.

At some point during the day, my husband suggested we go to the hospital cafeteria and get a bit to eat.  I reluctantly wheeled our son in his bassinet from our private room to the nursery and turned him over to the nurses.  “Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of him,” one of the nurses promised us.  My husband and I ate quickly in the cafeteria because we both wanted to get back to our son.

Upon entering the nursery to pick up our son, I was met with the confusion of several crying babies.  My heart raced with amazement as I was able to pick our son’s cry out of all the other babies.  I followed the sound to his bassinet, which had been moved during our absence.  A nurse had our son striped naked and was changing his diaper.  He was expressing his displeasure.   I leaned over his bassinet and murmured, “It’s okay, baby.  Mama’s here.” 

At the sound of my voice, he instantly stopped crying and turned to look intently at me.  I was astounded that he recognized my voice and, without even a touch, was comforted by it!  It was then that I was reminded of his birth mother’s request, during her pregnancy, that we give her a CD recording of us reading children’s stories so she could play it to him while he was in her womb.  She wanted him to get to know our voices.  Apparently this effort made all the difference in the world! 

I gently lifted my son to cradle him close, breathed in my fill of his sweet baby smell, and softly stroked his cheek and face.   As we gazed at each other, a powerfully miraculous mother-son bond began to develop between the two of us. Three and a half years later, this bond has only gotten stronger with each passing day!

Post from: Blisstree

A Domestic Birth Story, Overwhelmed with Joy

They are children who are in Foster Care and waiting to be adopted, they are children who may not know the comforts of home.

They are children who may not know what it is like to have a bedtime story read to them. They are children who have been deprived, abandoned, and need a heart.

Founder and Executive Director Genevieve Piturro says “So many children are without warm bedtime clothing and education so we developed a creative program to provide some of both…We intend to make a difference-giving back is what it’s all about.”

To Help:

Donate Online with a Credit Card

Donate by Mail at

Pajama Program

34 E 39th Street

Suite B

New York, NY 10016

Donate by Phone: 212-716-9757

Have a PJ Drive

Give a Gift Card

Help in your Area

Right now because it is “Danger Season” the Pajama Program has deep discounts from most manufactures and can purchase pajamas at great prices. All they need is your help.

Check them out on Oprah!

For more information:

Pajama Program – New York City Reading Center & Headquarters
34 E. 39th St., Suite B, NY, NY 10016
212-71 MY PJS (212-716-9757)

Pajama Program Reading Center – Westchester, NY
1156 North Broadway/Andrus Hall
Yonkers, NY 10701
914-965-PJPJ (7575)

Post from: Blisstree

Pajama Jam Time Again!

Last month I asked you what you wanted to know about adoption so that I could find it for you and bring you the best information I could find.

So, this month I am dedicating this site to you, my readers. I have taken what you said and found it. I already have the posts in queue because we are waiting on pins and needles for that call from our social worker. YES, I MEAN THAT CALL…the PINK PHONE CALL.  

So please, enjoy, THE ADOPTION PRIMER. Continue to speak up and tell me what you want to read (because I will find it for you or write about it!).

Post from: Blisstree

November is National Adoption Month

But, before I start researching…tell me what you want to know… What do you want me to find? What do you not have time to research?

Answer in the comments to win the Blogtoberfest contest.

This is a Blogtoberfest Sponsored Post. If you would like to enter for a chance to win the surprise gift behind this blog post, please leave a comment. Prize and Winner will be announced within a week. Check back to see if you’re the lucky winner and what you’ve won!

You also have lots of chances to win great Blogtoberfest prizes! Today, October 10, your chances (and prizes) are hiding at the following blogs: A Child Chosen, All Holiday Cafe, Babylune, Blog Fabulous, Career and Kids, Cooking Gadgets, Declutter it, Foodie Obsessed, Jewelry and Beading, Kettle and Cup, One Book Two Book, Quilting and Patchword, SuperNanny Rules, Weary Parent. Visit them all and leave a comment — you may win even more!

Post from: Blisstree

November is National Adoption Month

1. Do treat your child like any other kid-  It may be difficult for adopted children to feel like they belong in their new familes but treating them like they are special, or different, because they are adopted can make it even worse. Don’t spoil them because you feel they missed out on things in their previous home/homes but offer them structure, stability, and comfort. Isn’t that how children thrive?

On the flipside, I learned from Dr. Federici that children need to be parented how they need to be parented, not how the norms says so.

2. Support them when strangers ask questions -  Sometimes strangers, or even friends and family can ask insensitive questions (like did the birth mother drink or where are the birth siblings?) and you and your child need to know how to answer those tough questions. Either tell the questioner that it is simply not an appropriate question by saying just that or gently steer them on to another topic. In these cases I have found that people just don’t know what is appropriate or not.

3. Do respect your child’s privacy- Adopted children may have difficult backgrounds and their life stories may not be something they want aired. I have always been careful not to share the intimate details of my son’s birth parents and family, as well as his intimate orphanage life. I have given some details of what we think may have happened but none of it we know for sure. Many children do not want their histories discussed and their privacy should be respected.

4.  Treat prospective parents the same as expectant parents- This was very hard for me, as an adoptive parent to handle. My husband and I were expecting a child for 9 months, the same as everyone else…but very few people took notice, even our own families. For many parents the rituals and traditions, such as baby showers, coming home outfits, baptisms, etc. are just as important but very much overlooked. My own mother did not plan a shower until I actually indicated that I wanted one.

5. Do acknowledge and celebrate the differences- celebrate the differences in culture or ethnicity, or even birth-country.

Don’ts 

1. Don’t introduce your child as adopted- your child is yours…you adopted them once and they are part of your family.

2. Don’t say how lucky your child is- I wrote about this earlier today. I did not save my child. I welcomed him into my family.

3 Don’t assume adoption is second choice- For us, adoption was second choice. We wanted a biological family. We tried to have one and could not. Does that mean my son is second choice? Never. However, some people believe adoption is the best choice for them for many reasons. Perhaps they were adopted or they feel a calling. Don’t assume they parent is infertile.

3. Don’t jump to conclusions about the birth mother- Birth mothers come from a variety of situations. Some are middle class women educated enough to know they can’t care for their children and moral enough to not want an abortion. Some are in trouble with drugs and alcohol. Some are in trouble financially. Some are young unwed mothers. But, don’t assume they are all irresponsible and worthless women. They are not.

They love their children and they grieve their children.

4. Don’t tell me I can have my own now. My child is my own. Some people will tell you that they knew so and so who adopted and then got pregnant. Well, it doesn’t happen that way (only about 3-10 percent of adoptive couples have biological children after adopting). Do I sometimes yearn to carry a child of my own? Yes. But it won’t happen and that is okay.

Post from: Blisstree

Adoption Do’s and Don’ts