The ninth step of the 12 Steps reads:

Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Like the second step (and pretty much all the steps, when you get down to it), the ninth step can also apply to people with mental health issues.

Need proof? Reread my personal story at Can A Power Greater Than Yourself Restore You To Sanity? and then realize that I had to make amends with everyone I’d lied to, deceived, ignored, etc. during that time. My parents, my sister, my then husband, my best friends – once the dust settled, I had to face them, apologize to them, and make amends.

Keep in mind that when you’re apologizing and making amends, a mumbled “sorry” doesn’t really cut it (Mark addresses this at Made Direct Amends). Even in the case of mental health situations, a quick “sorry” may clear your conscience for the time being – and let the people know you’re aware of your behavior and how it affected them – but it shouldn’t be the end. Once you’re on the road to becoming healthy again, such as seeking treatment, taking medication, making lifestyle changes, learning about your mental health – whatever your road is – you should offer a sincere apology and try to make amends.

Do I think it’s necessary to apologize and try to make amends with every single person you wronged when you were in the throes of mania, depression, or psychosis? No. That list of people could go on and on, and your mental health is still your business, after all. The Wal-Mart greeter who received a dirty look from you, for example, doesn’t need to know your personal business. Maybe you should just smile at her next time.

However, I do think that in cases that involve close, personal loved ones – loved ones with whom you’d like to maintain a good relationship – it’s a pretty good idea. Maybe you borrowed obscene amounts of money from your parents to get you out of a jam, such as a jam caused by your impulsive shopping. Maybe you ignored your best friend’s phone calls for months at a time because you were too depressed to answer the phone, much less meet up with her for lunch. These are the situations in which you need to offer sincere apologies and try to make amends.

You may not have meant to hurt these people, but chances are, you did. Make it right.

For more information about the ninth step – including apologies, making amends, and regaining trust – check out the following posts by Mark:

• Ninth Step Promises
• Trust Takes Time
• Honesty – But To What Extent?
• Oh No! Personal Relationships!!!
• I Am Responsible
• Do Not Make The Crosses Of Others Heavier

This post is part of the b5media Health & Wellness Channel’s recognition of the National Alcohol and Drug Awareness Month. To read more, please visit
b5Media Salutes National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month.

Image: SXC

Post from: Blisstree

Should You Make Amends With Those You’ve Wronged?

I like to think so, and so does the second step of the 12 Steps, which reads:

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

For people in recovery, this means that it’s going to take God (or a Higher Power) – not their moms, not their girlfriends, not their best friends or their doctors or their probation officers or even their sponsors – it’s going to take God (or that Higher Power) to manage their lives. To manage their addictions.

For people who’ve experienced mental health problems – or who continue to experience mental health problems – it means the exact same thing. Only, rather than managing addictions, they’re managing mental illness.

Of course, this isn’t to say your parents, significant others, friends, medical professionals, probation officers, and sponsors can’t help you. They can. But they can’t do it by themselves. You can’t, either.

That’s where God comes in.

Personal story time. Read on.

A few years ago, I went through a major…episode. Mania? Months of serious repeated lack of good judgment? One big gigantic brain fart after another? Whatever it was, I went through it. Not many people knew, because I was “in control.” I made sure everyone in my life was happy and clueless while I indulged in extreme elation and devastating depression behind closed doors.

Why ask for help? Why bother them with my problems? And hey, if they didn’t affect anyone else, were they really problems? I was in control of it all, after all.

That is, until I was out of control – so severely out of control that my life was no longer manageable – not by me, or anyone else. I had no idea what was going to happen from day to day. I feared for my future. I questioned my sanity. I wallowed in grief, misery, despair, and embarrassment.

It was during this time that I realized I was going to have to turn to God.

Now, don’t misunderstand me. I believe in God – I always have. I pray. I’ve been to church more than once. I try to do what’s right and I ask for forgiveness when I fail. This isn’t a story about a girl who found Jesus or started living at the foot of the cross. I know Jesus. I always have. And I live in southern West Virginia.

But up until the point of losing all control, my relationship with God consisted of knowing he exists, knowing he created us all, and knowing he has the power to smite my unruly tail if I don’t toe the line. I prayed, too. Nightly, even. I thanked him for my family and friends and something good that may have happened to me that day (not to mention asked him for more good things to happen to me), as well asked him to please save all the children and animals and old people who are starved, abused, and neglected.

However, after the point that life spiraled out of control, my prayers changed. My relationship with God changed. Sure, for a little while my prayers consisted of begging God to get me out of the mess I’d gotten myself into, but soon they turned into prayers letting God know that I was putting my unmanageable life into His hands. Letting him know that I’d given up, that I’d recognized I can’t handle it all on my own, that I need some assistance, please.

I can’t say that life turned to roses after that. You can’t just hand your life over to God and expect things to immediately change. You have to do some work, too. I continued to pray, continued to let God know my problems were in His hands, and made real efforts to manage my problems (and not just hide them from the world).

However, I can say that once I did put my life in God’s hand – once I did give in and admit that I needed His help, while actively pursuing His help and taking the necessary steps to get help – my “sanity” stepped out from its hiding place. The burdens of my mistakes were lifted. The burdens of the world’s woes were lifted. I found peace, and in that peace I was able to work toward restoring my life.

And boy, did it feel good. I looked forward to my little chats with God. I thoroughly enjoyed relinquishing control and asking for further instructions. I felt safe, guided, and even happy in the midst of the unknown. I felt sane.

So remember, handing it all over to God (or your Higher Power) isn’t a cure all – for addiction or for mental health problems. Handing it over to God doesn’t mean you don’t also need rehab or therapy or medication or support groups or the help of all your loved ones. But it does let you know that you’re not alone in your efforts, and the power that’s now on your side is stronger than any “control” you once thought you had.

For more information about the second step, check out Mark’s Second Step Promises at A Dozen Steps.

This post is part of the b5media Health & Wellness Channel’s recognition of the National Alcohol and Drug Awareness Month. To read more, please visit 
b5Media Salutes National Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery Month.

Image: SXC and Marcos Santos

Post from: Blisstree

Can A Power Greater Than Yourself Restore You To Sanity?