In relationships, how much change can you handle?

Sasha Manuel — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 23:13:03 +0000

Just how much of yourself are you willing to give up to make the relationship work?

It’s a given that growing up would lead to identity development. You will establish a set of principles that will serve as a foundation for all endeavours.

The belief system that you may apply to make things function normally, alone or not, is tailored to your own needs, your own life. You do learn how to relate to society as a whole. However, it will differ when time comes that it’ll be a one-on-one thing.

I’ve mentioned it before that human beings have this need for companionship. However real this need is, or the intensity, depends on the person with the need.

Personally, I’ve grown accustomed to a life as a single. My past relationships have somewhat left scars on my being, hence, affecting this particular area in my life. Though, learning to be independent, free from the reponsibility for another, is something I’ve grown attached to. The scars, like I said, pushed me to do everything in my power to overcome and survive the situation.

These thoughts still linger. I’m now caused to mull over the kind of changes you need to go through just to cope with the idea that you’re no longer just responsible for yourself — you need to learn how to accommodate this other person into your life.

There are fears, however. Questions that came alongside the change. How do I act? react? Will I lose my identity as a separate person? Am I giving too much too soon? Am I being selfish? What is fair? How do I find balance?

I reckon, trust plays a huge role in relationships. Also, knowing that there will be things happening in the relationship that you simply can’t control. You just have to deal with them as they come.

I guess you can’t work out a plan on your own. You have got to communicate with your partner and adjust to each of your needs. No one is asking that you give up your entire self for the relationship, right? If you feel obligated to change — seemingly one-sided — I think you have to take a step back and do re-consider.