“1Q – How do you justify calling alcoholism an illness, and not a moral responsibility? (The Disease Concept)

1A – Early in A.A.’s history, very natural questions arose among theologians. There was a Mr. Henry Link who had written “The Return to Religion (Macmillan Co., 1937). One day I received a call from him. He stated that he strongly objected to the A.A. position that alcoholism was an illness. This concept, he felt, removed moral responsibility from alcoholics. He had been voicing this complaint about psychiatrists in the American Mercury. And now, he stated, he was about to lambaste A.A. too. Of course, I made haste to point out that we A. A.’s did not use the concept of sickness to absolve our members from moral responsibility. On the contrary, we used the fact of fatal illness to clamp the heaviest kind of moral responsibility on to the sufferer. The further point was made that in his early days of drinking the alcoholic often was no doubt guilty of irresponsibility and gluttony. But once the time of compulsive drinking, veritable lunacy had arrived and he couldn’t very well be held accountable for his conduct. He then had a lunacy which condemned him to drink, in spite of all he could do; he had developed a bodily sensitivity to alcohol that guaranteed his final madness and death. When this state of affairs was pointed out to him, he was placed immediately under the heaviest kind of pressure to accept A.A.’s moral and spiritual program of regeneration – namely, our Twelve Steps. Fortunately, Mr. Link was satisfied with this view of the use that we were making of the alcoholic’s illness. I am glad to report that nearly all theologians who have since thought about this matter have also agreed with that early position. While it is most obvious that free will in the matter of alcohol has virtually disappeared in most cases, we A.A. ’s do point out that plenty of free will is left in other areas, It certainly takes a large amount of willingness, and a great exertion of the will to accept and practice the A.A. program. It is by this very exertion of the will that the alcoholic corresponds with the grace by which his drinking obsession can be expelled. (N.C.C.A. ‘Blue Book’, Vol.12, 1960)”

Align my will with His…

Funny (?) how so many don’t want folks like us forgiven, who want us to pay and repay the price we exacted on ourselves. Myyyy – how spiritual is that?

Post from: Blisstree

Absolved Of Moral Responsibility?

Perfection. I was the type who had an unrealistic expectation of perfection from those around me. Who were those around me? Those who now have their own unrealistic expectation of perfection from me.

I must have taught them well.

My friend Mike is right on…

The disease hasn’t gone away and it still has the same agenda. It wants us dead, as in “US!” Everyone. With no prejudice. I must remember that and, as Mike said, be on guard for the unguarded moment. AA and my God were with me through the last few days because I’ve immersed myself, taken a bath, in AA, like I was strongly suggested to do.

It works if you work it.

The shame of it? As it appears today, doing my best to keep it in the day which isn’t working very well, these relationships will never reach “healthy.” They may never even reach “communicating” again. Of course, that is up to God’s plan, not mine and thankfully so…

I have this “clown” to thank for that if indeed that is the deal;

Things like this are the lower power’s work. [Graphic found at Uselessgraphics.com]

Post from: Blisstree

A Glimpse Into An Alcoholic Mind

The recent events that have come and passed with my son and brother. “I’m a lover not a fighter.” How many times have you heard someone say that?

I had no control. I tried. I couldn’t change what happened. I tried again and again. Nothing changed. Thank God for AA and the 12 Steps. Eventually I let go.

I had come to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity and I saw that it said “ourselves” and “us.” Did they need to be restored? I didn’t know but, on the chance that they did, I believed that only He could. Eventually I let go.

I learned and then felt it to be right that the most loving thing I could do for those I loved was to leave them in God’s hands. There is just simply no better place to leave them!

Then I struggled with letting go of … me! As some of you may have noticed, I can still struggle with that but I made a world of progress considering I had never done it before AA. Now I’ve been practicing it for a long time and guess what? Nobody said it would be easy. Sometimes it isn’t.

It has been over a decade.

The people I haven’t seen for so many years have zero, nada, no information about my life at all. They may know where my Blog is, they may know where a web site or two are, they may know an email, but that is about where their knowledge ends.

Why? I really do not have to answer the question – why? I was locked in a battle with life for a long time. And I didn’t drink. That’s enough. I won’t forget – those that matter don’t judge, those that judge don’t matter. I had put myself in God’s hands and stayed locked in battle with life. I Let Go and Let God and stayed locked in that battle. Eventually I determined I was meant to be in this battle and I did whatever I could to learn what I needed to learn.

Now, I’m taking care of business. I’m no longer locked in the same battle. I’m making use of the lessons.

I made my amends. Obviously they didn’t accept them. I still made them and am living sober which is another amend. I no longer harm any of them which is a living amend. My brother sided with my ex-wife Barbara and cursed me. He was drinking then (he says he isn’t now, I don’t believe him). He didn’t want to hear any AA crap.

A Doctor told him, after having sewn his liver and spleen up from an accident, that were he to take one more drink he was a dead man. The moment he admitted to me he’d started drinking again is the moment he said he didn’t want to hear any of that AA crap. I walked away. If you don’t want it I won’t waste my time trying to give it to you.I haven’t seen him again and it was a long time before I left Long Island and there were many opportunities for meetings. None happened.

I think in these years I’ve lived in approximately 40 different places across the entire US and in some cities many different spots in the same cities. Funny – I’ve been able to access the Internet just about the entire time. But to pack up and move, often without notice at the hands of “friends,” takes a toll. You get tired but you are required to keep moving which I did. The day came when I was able to settle down.

I’ve been asked often why I didn’t call. First – I didn’t want to hear Barbara’s voice. Very, very simple. The times I did after the divorce it was painful. Secondly – to talk about what exactly? I remember a brief “conversation” with my son around Christmas 1997 when I told him I had no money for Christmas and he absolutely lambasted me for not buying them gifts. I was having trouble eating.

I Let Go and Let God. I had to!

But I didn’t tell them.

Perhaps I should have kept calling so I could allow myself to be continually beat up for being a failure. I don’t think so. I fed myself instead. I won’t apologize for feeding myself. I needed to live, if it was meant to be, so when the day arrived, I could take care of business. Today I’m taking care of business -

And they want to rip my heart out once again and stomp on it. WELL, IT ISN’T GOING TO HAPPEN!!! AND I DAMN WELL AIN’T GOING TO DRINK AT IT!!!

My God loves me and if you don’t, so be it. For those who judge, you aren’t the first and won’t be the last – so be that also. I answer to a much higher power than you anyway. You can’t open the doors of heaven for me because you don’t have that power! And – you’re powerless over alcohol too…

Post from: Blisstree

I Put Them In God’s Hands

This one is for me folks. If you’re not Christian you might want to look in another direction from this entry.

How many of you no longer believe in coincidences? I haven’t for quite some time although I often lose sight and am thankfully reminded. Thanks Jen! I need this right now, today and yesterday. I might have been on the right path but one of your commenters today firmed it all up! Traci mentioned Romans 8. Rick often quoted Romans 8 to me.

“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”

During the lengthy time of my divorce I was given the opportunity to read, learn and then practice a life lesson that many today scoff at. Here it is, paraphrased, because it is a Rosary prayer and I don’t remember it precisely;

“Sometimes in His wisdom, God allows the suffering to continue.”

Wow. As I first read that I thought to myself “a loving God eh? I doubt it.” I re-read it again and again – because I don’t want to drink again. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I finally heard the message.

There come times when the only way I’m going to learn lessons that will save my life and the lives of others is to go through the suffering, feel the pain, find the solution without drinking, practice it and then pass it on.

Amazing how simple yet challenging that is!

For the last 48 hours my brother, with whom I’ve had no communications at all for almost 14 years and who I honestly have written out of my life because I have no need nor want to allow myself to be so influenced by such negative thinking anymore, has attempted (at my personal Blog where he “found” me – yes, I’m public, not hiding at all) to hammer down my throat what he perceives as the harm I did my family because my ex divorced me. He has no idea, none, what I’ve survived through the last 13 years yet has some sick need to blame me for all my children’s woes and troubles while trying to send me on guilt trips about he and my other brother along with some intensely anti-spiritual talk (i.e. disgusting language) and character assassination. Maybe it would have been nicer had he offered me support during that time rather than the spewage he puked on me, behind my back btw, including “Don’t give me any of that AA crap!”

Nice? – not! There is now no condemnation…

Post from: Blisstree

He Allows The Suffering To Continue?