“Imperfection” by
enggul via Flickr

I know, I know… the way I see the world and it’s inhabitants is far different than the way others might see it. But damn it, I was talking to a guy on IM this morning and when we got to the part where I explain how and why I’m living with my dad, he suddenly disappeared. Actually, it went something like this:

Me: (explaining all the details of the past 7 years in brief, detailing the fact that I’m not a mooch, have lived on my own, financially independent, before for three years, etc.)
Him: And you’re how old again?
Me: 31
Him:
Me: Hello?
Him:
Me: (knowing what was going down) hahahahahahahaha
Him:
Me: (after 15 minutes of no replies) Something wrong?
Him: (signed off)

I can’t stand being judged on stupid stuff like that. Do people really think that despite my claims to the contrary, that I LIKE this living situation? I mean, I love my dad… 1000%. Love my mom that much too. But I’ve already lived on my own, completely self sufficient financially, and because I had a complete change around of my life (I used to be a zookeeper – it’s what I went to college for, and I now own a web development business) I had to make some changes. I floundered for a couple years, because my whole world was flipped upside down on me! But I’m here, and finally, 3 years into owning my business, can I say that the goal of buying my own house is visible to me on the horizon. How is this bad?

This was one of those things my ex used to throw in my face. I had an argument with a friend one day, and she used it against me as well. And now today, this guy who seemed kind of cool, bailed on me as soon as he read that I don’t live on my own (despite the fact that I pay all my own bills, and even contribute to the general household bills).

Keep in mind, I’m not crushed or emotionally devastated by this guy’s “bailure” (pun intended). In fact, I think he showed me a lot about who he is in the very short convo we did have. (He didn’t know what a blog was… for starters, there’s proof we’d have nothing in common!) He’d mentioned that he wanted to move out of NY (something I’ve considered but wouldn’t do for anyone except Mr. Absolutely Perfect.) He’d worked his way up with his questions trying to find out how much I make in a year. When I called him on it, he denied it, but I’m not stupid. My ex was a money focused person, too. I know the signs.

I just don’t understand why people just judge so much based on such stupid crap. I’m a pretty good person and friend. I’m a great girlfriend. I’m freaking awesome at being someone’s significant other. My life has NOT gone as I’d envisioned it all along, no. I’ve had to grow brand new dreams and goals for myself from the ground up. And I’m well on my way to reaching them. Doesn’t that count for something?

I swear, in the past 6 months between this guy, the guy who I haven’t heard from in a week since I told him that I knew his coworkers, and the guy who decided that I’m too loud, wear ghetto-fab earrings, and look “like the kind of girl who’d date a black guy” as if it were a bad thing, the uber clingy pink rose boy, the guy who guilt tripped me after I told him I wasn’t feelin’ it, and my ex… I don’t know what the hell to do, but I’m sure as heck going to put all that more energy into Being Fabulous all by myself at this point. Online dating is really freaking me out lately. What is WRONG with people!?!

Post from: Blisstree

It’s official. I hate online dating.

Image by d70focus via Flickr

If you could pick one dating site to use, which would it be?

• eHarmony
• Match
• PlentyOfFish
• True
• Great Expectations
• Yahoo! Personals
• None – I think they all suck.

You can also add your own answer if you have another choice for a favorite.

Post from: Blisstree

Sidebar Poll: If you could pick one dating site to use, which would it be?

Image by Henry8.0 via Flickr

• “I like a woman who takes pride in her appearance.” – Easy translation on this is, “I like women who aren’t fat.” Okay, sure… we all have things we will and won’t tolerate in terms of physical attraction, but the guys who say this either say NOTHING ELSE about what they’re looking for in a woman, which makes me want to say, “I take more pride in my emotional maturity, intellect, and sense of humor than I do my body, but I guess all that’s irrelevant to you,” or they say that they want a woman who is smart, sexy, funny, loves to cook, loves fishing, hiking, camping, and NASCAR, has a great body, loves mountain climbing, has a great job, works out a lot, and so on and so on and so on. Guys, have you EVER IN YOUR LIFE met a woman like that? I mean, even your mom? Come off it already…
• “I’m just looking to have a good time and see what happens.” Uh, what exactly is your definition of a “good time” and how many times a week, with how many different women, are you seeking this “good time”? Does wanting to just have a “good time” mean that you seriously expect that there are women out there who want to have a miserable time with you? What about this “see what happens” business? Does that mean you’re basing your ideas on a potential relationship on how good of a time you have with a girl? Are there Cliff’s Notes on this, please?
• “I have bad luck with the women that I meet, so I decided to try online.” Uh, okay, well answer me this: What the hell is wrong with YOU? I mean, you’ve never had a good relationship? Ever? And I’m supposed to attempt one with you? After you admitted that you suck? Okay then…
• “I’m finding that the VAST majority of the women on this site HAVE NO FREAKING CLUE what they are missing.” No, my dear… I think I’m pretty sure of exactly what I’m missing. And I really can’t see a reason to complain about that, you kind of just proved that to me.
• “New to the area, looking for some hot girls to hang out with and have some fun with. Message me if you are interested.” Are you completely effing serious? Like dude, if you have this in your profile, please tell me how successful you’ve been. (That’s ALL he has written in his profile… nothing else.)

Post from: Blisstree

Rant: Horrid things men say in their dating site profiles.

Image via Wikipedia

Take this from me, girls… one who’s made this mistake on more than one occassion in the past:

Do NOT be the first one to suggest you two get on the phone or meet up face to face.

Seriously. Don’t do it. As tempting as it might be, you’re liable to totally drive him off. Don’t even hint at it.

I can hear you all gasping right now, wondering what the big deal is. Guy readers might be thinking, “But I want her to make that first move so I don’t have to,” and in some rare cases, okay I concede. But for the most part, what I’ve discovered is that guys who really get into chatting over IM are really into chatting over IM for more than just a day before deciding if they want to actually spend time with you.

I think the reason is this: Guys know that while an initial conversation can really kick ass, it doesn’t mean that every conversation will be devoid of awkward silences, and it doesn’t mean that the girl they’re talking to will be able to hold up over the long run. It’s kind of like when you go to a new restaurant and you check out the menu – everything on it looks (and sounds) fantastic. Then you narrow it down to 4 or 5 dishes, and you still have a hard time deciding which one really will be the best. You go over them, and over them, and you might be able to rule out two or three based on what kind of meat is involved (ie. not really feeling like having chicken). But you’re still unsure, so you keep reading and reading… until finally you decide to commit to one. But you don’t want the person you’re with telling you what to get. You’re sure the waitress is going to tell you that the most expensive one is the best. But when you order, and the plate comes, you know without a doubt what’s going to be on the plate, and you have an expectation… if that expectation was met, you’re happy. If it wasn’t, you’re disappointed and you vow to never go back to that restaurant again.

Okay, so it’s a long, drawn out analogy, but what I’m getting at is that guys like their time to be well spent. Even if it’s three hours on the latest version of Guitar Hero, it’s a quality three hours to them. Men tend to be less decisive than women when it comes to dating – where a woman might figure, “What the hell, it’s just one date. We can see how that goes, and go on from there,” while a man might think something along the lines of, “Geez, I’d rather be home chatting with her on IM so I can still watch my Heroes DVD.”

Now, be sure that this is of course not a rule without exception. Some guys are shy, and really do wish a girl would make that first suggestion, and by all means, if you’ve been chatting daily for a few days or longer, and you just can’t take it anymore, you can say something like, “Gee, it’s kind of silly we’re spending so much time at a computer when we could share a meal with this great conversation.” And I’d even go so far as to say that if it gets to that point and he doesn’t bite the bait, you might consider that he’s really not as interested in dating you as you might’ve thought. In that case, there’s nothing wrong with letting a friendship flourish naturally but it’s probably best you keep looking.

Yes, there are many more mistakes women make with online dating, I’m well aware of that. But I’ve personally experienced no less than three times this particular situation, and it ended with him all of the sudden “phasing out” the chatting. He goes “invisible” so you don’t send the first message, and eventually you never hear from him again. Odd, yes. Game playing, maybe. Disappointing, definitely. Are you better equipped now that you’re thinking about it, and will be the next time you’re chatting with a new hottie? You know it.

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Post from: Blisstree

Ladies: Avoid this mistake like the plague!

Image by d70focus via Flickr

1. No photos. Bad photos. Photos only of a car with some figure standing by it that I can’t see. Photos of a man parasailing, with his body a shadow against the summer sun. Worse? A photo of you with another woman, and I don’t care if it’s your sister or cousin. I don’t care if you’ve cut her out of the pic, either. The bottom line guys is that we want to see what you look like, naturally. Don’t try to hide your double chin, don’t shade out your face because your teeth are a little crooked. Don’t show me your dog or your car and NOT show me YOU. Everyone’s got different things they’re attracted to (or not) and all you’re telling me by not having a good, clear, smiling photo of you is that YOU don’t think you’re worth it. If you’re not worth it, how the hell am I going to be?
2. Old profiles. I love it when we’re in the thick of summer and I read, “With the holidays right around the corner…” about as much as I love going to the dentist. It tells me that you’ve had this thing up for quite some time, and haven’t made any effort to keep it up to date. My brain immediately goes to one of two options: a) You’re so busy “dating” so many women that you don’t care to impress me. or b) You’re so busy with your outside life that you don’t even respond to people or care about finding a girlfriend. Tie this in with the above issue (photos that show they were taken or uploaded years ago) and I’m REALLY not going to be interested.
3. Saying the same old, cliche things like “I enjoy long walks on the beach.” We don’t even HAVE real beaches around here, and that line makes you sound like a 70’s television sitcom to me. I want to know the nitty gritty about you, and I want to know what you REALLY like. Don’t think you can appease me by assuming what I like. Besides, what if I’m allergic to sea water? (I have a friend who is allergic to ANYTHING ocean.) I’m supposed to sit there and think, “Gee, this guy clearly loves the beach, and I can’t go. Maybe I should give it a shot anyway?” Nah. Don’t think so.
4. Using “Rather not say,” or “I’ll tell you later.” You know what? If you can’t be transparent about your marital situation, your child situation, whether or not you smoke, drink, or do drugs? I have no choice but to believe that you’ve got some bad crap to hide, and I want NOTHING to do with that. You can’t be honest on an online dating profile, what makes me think you’ll be honest in a relationship?
5. Back to the photos – Shirtless ones. Yuck. Not for nothing, I love a good, muscular body like the next girl, but guys, you look absolutely arrogant and ridiculous when you post every shirtless photo you own of yourself. You know how guys sometimes say that they like when a woman dresses sexy, not slutty? Well unless the kind of girl you’re seeking is the kind who only wants to put out for a night or two, then you need to leave a little to OUR imaginations. Yes, you work out hard. Yes, you’ve got a nice set of abs/pecs/guns/whatever… but I’m looking for something that goes much deeper than that. If you’re not, say so, so that I can be on my way.

So yeah, these are just a few things that annoy me, as a woman looking for a real relationship, about men’s profiles. I’m sure that some of these things don’t bother the hoochies that are looking to dig into a man’s wallet, or his pants, but yeah, these bother me.

Men, what bothers YOU about women’s profiles?

Ladies, can you add anything?

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Post from: Blisstree

5 Things that bug me about men’s online dating profiles.