I knew when I heard the phone ring that my mother was dead. No one calls at 4:30 a.m. I was sleeping in my parents’ house because, though the doctors had thought she had months longer to live, my sister just had a feeling. And so the phone rang and I let it ring and ring until I heard my father’s voice answer from the other room and then I picked up. The woman on the other end said, “Dr. Walker. This is the hospital. I’m am sorry to inform you, but your wife, Mary Walker, has passed away.”  

Elizabeth Edwards' new book will be released May 8

My mind moved with my body in tow through the distance of two rooms, to the open doorway of the bedroom where my mother used to sleep. The bed was empty and I heard my father through the bathroom door. He was retching. It was an awful sound, low and monotone, and I sobbed there, like a baby, on the hallway floor because life was supposed to be different for us.  

(My father tells me now he did not throw up. He was brushing his teeth and sometimes when he brushes his tongue he gags himself and makes that horrible retching sound. I’d rather believe the news of Mom’s death made him sick to his stomach because it’s more endearing that way. But, whatever.)

As idiotic as it sounds, when I read the reports of Elizabeth Edward’s interview on Oprah (scheduled for Thursday), and how she spoke about her husband’s affair, I understood when she said her reaction to her husband’s confession was to cry, scream and vomit. It brought me back to that day, when my mother died and my father threw up, because life had changed forever and ever.

And sometimes you just don’t want it to change. 

John Edwards broke my heart, too. He was supposed to be my president. I had chosen him before 2004, before he played second fiddle to John Kerry. And I was a bigger supporter when he ran again in 2008. I read a story in the New York Times magazine how he would serve as a champion to the underprivileged because, though he is insanely wealthy now, he hails from a humble background. I saw visions of Robert Kennedy in him. He was my candidate; (although my son was determined Obama would win). When Edwards withdrew just before Super Tuesday, so did I, temporarily.

I respected his love for his wife. And she won me over by being solid and loyal. There is no denying he is the more attractive of the two, but he seemed to look beyond that. And when the rumors began to circulate that John was having an affair, I refused to believe them because the John I know is good and honest and loves his wife with a passion – his cancer-survivor wife. The one who hid the lump in her breast as Kerry gave his concession speech to the world.

I don’t blame her for sticking with him, for trying to hold tight to that life she knew before the affair. But life is changed forever for her, like it changed more than a decade ago when her oldest son tragically died, and again in 2004, when she discovered she had breast cancer. Life rarely goes as expected. It sends you to great highs and treacherous lows. How one manages to hold on during those times and keep her sanity says a lot about a person.

I think that must be the value of being Resilient.

Photo, Barnes & Noble

Maybe you too saw the Oprah’s on Hormones?

It occurs to me, watching all those angry, frustrated, fed-up women. . .

Perhaps it is only hormones that makes women put up with so much of everyone’s shit.

Maybe, when we’re in our mid-to-late late 30s, 40s, and 50s - we’ve had enough already.

Perhaps it’s the lack of estrogen that makes women finally stop. Putting up with the world’s shit, I mean.

I’ve been reading Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power of Now.

He introduces the idea of a Pain Body. The Pain Body is also discussed in great detail in his other book A New Earth.

Basically, he says that one part of the human condition is a pain body. We have personal pain bodies that result from things that happen specifically to us. But, we also have collective pain bodies that come from being members of a group - women, for instance.

Tolle says that because of several thousand years of oppression, repression, violence, rape, battery, harassment, slavery and sexism baby girls are born with a collective pain body associated with being female. Carl Jung spoke of a collective consciousness, a similar idea.

PMS and menstruation is when women tend to identify with or lose ourselves in our pain body, Tolle says. This results in physical symptoms like cramps or headaches for some women, but also in bad attitudes, negativity, anger or frustration in many women.

In other words - one explanation of PMS would be psychic pain for all crimes against femininity throughout history - starting with Eve. There’s a great deal to be pissed about.

The degree to which this affects women is determined by how much they identify with the collective pain body of women or being a woman.

Feminists, for example, might identify with the pain body deeper because their identity as women is stronger and they are aware of and focus on crimes against women in general. Feminists identify strongly with “what men have done to us” and the resulting pain.

Likewise, a “submissive wife” would feel a high degree of the feminine pain body as she associates a large part of her identity with “the curse of Eve” and taking care not to step out of her “proper role.”

Both are a version of a “victim identity” and keep women in bondage to the past. But, there is true power and peace available to women in the present moment, says Tolle.

The cure for PMS and identification of the Collective Feminine Pain Body, Tolle says, is to stay present during our PMS or our menstruation cycles and recognize our bad attitudes, cramps, emotional roller-coaster as “just the pain body” and try to dissolve and “transmute” the anger, pain, unforgiveness into forgiveness, love and peace for the crimes against womanhood historically.

Thus transforming our psychic pain into true psychic and spiritual power.

Susie Homemaker (My Mom) is Coming To-Do-List:

* Steam clean the couches

* Mop floors

* Dust and lemon oil shelves and furniture

* Rake leaves

* Vacuum

* Make a Birthday gift

* Laundry

* Caulk shower

* Clean bathrooms

* OxyClean Zack’s floors

* Kid’s rooms

* Magic Erasure door jams and walls

* 5 Blog Posts (so I can spend time with my parents).

Is anyone going to do the 6 month Oprah and Peter Walsh Clutter-free Challenge?

I’ve been conciencious about working on the clutter. After the show I put 3 pair of shoes in a donation bag I keep perpetually going.
I’ve gone from this:

To This:

I was going to post a bunch of really fun and hilarious photos of my book club meeting in which we said, Book? What Book? Show us your vibrating penises and tell us what those arousal creams feel like and how do we find our G Spots?

But, we have jobs. Some of us have jobs with in education and some of us are hoping to get future jobs.

So, that just won’t do.

We also have kids.

Kids with Internet access or who will have future Internet access soon. And their children will have future Internet access.

So, that just won’t do.

But, I will say this: the “marriage assistants” sold by Pure Romance are some of the highest quality relationship enhancers I’ve seen.

You can’t beat the price either.

They are doing surprising and wonderful things with plastics these days.

They truly have invented a solution to any and all sex issues, problems, or desires you might confront.

The parties are fun and as tasteful as its guests. (We were maybe a little rowdy - like mommies who left their kids at home and resurrected their Madonna-listening teenage selves. She’s still in there!)

And there is a lot of information - education - about sexuality, arousal, orgasm, stimulation, hygiene, etc.

Best of all, if you go to the website, Pure Romance, and order from my “personal consultant” Kim, she will give you a 5% percent discount on your order.

Throw a party in your home for your girlfriends and you get a percentage of the sales toward your own order.

And if you’re so inclined, you could start your own Pure Romance Business with as little as $99. You would be a sex educator, entrepreneur and help women harness their own sexuality and unleash their power within.

What could be more empowering?

Image Source: jlogged.com

Check out Mrs. Blogoway’s account of the party.

Did anyone else notice the anti-feminist remarks on Oprah?

Stop telling your man what to do or you won’t be able to enjoy sex. It infantilizes him - which turns you off.

Busy women want to be dominated in bed.

Women want to be told what to do and submit in bed.

Most women only have clitoral orgasms.

As opposed to the other kinds - vaginal orgasms and combination orgasms.

Yes, the G-spot is real.

if you’re looking for it - I disagree slightly with Dr. Laura Berman - I don’t think it feels like “the tip of your nose,” I would describe it as rough and about the size of a quarter.

Do your Kegels.

Teach your daughters to value pleasure.

Start with a 10 second kiss every day.

Then play - “here’s how I like to be kissed” - for each other.

You have to take your pleasure in your own hands.

Get comfortable with your vulva.

If you can’t love your vulva how do you expect him to?

Did anyone learn anything or was it all just “review?”

In the battle over our children - parents versus child rapists and child pornograhers - who would you place your bet on?

It seemed child pornographers and clubs like NAMBLA, the North American Man Boy Love Association, whose declared “hobby” is to rape children were winning. With 300,000 known predators the FBI was monitoring, but not arresting or prosecuting it seemed the only rational response was to run and hide.

But, hide where? They wear “good guy” camouflage and mingle among us, volunteering to coach soccer teams, lead the youth Sunday School, and play the part of the perfect step-parent or boyfriend to get close to kids.

But, after being exposed on Oprah a few weeks ago - Half a million, that’s 500,000 - Moms and Dads brought the Can of Whoop Ass on Child Pornographers in the way of the Senate Bill 1738—The PROTECT Our Children Act that passed last week!

That’s right America. You emailed and called enough of your congressional leaders to say THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS WORTH SPENDING MONEY ON and arresting rapists and child pornographers is one of those things!

While they were all gathered to debate the economic crisis. Oprah and I were nervous that they would overlook this very important bill to protect kids from sexual violence. Instead they took the opportunity to vote for the bill. (Ever noticed how much more likely they are to listen in election years?)

I am so proud of us.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed people can change the world. Indeed it’s the only thing that ever has.”-Margaret Mead

To the 300,000 child rapists and child pornographers out there - I am so very sad that your families - your wives, children, parents, siblings and friends - will be devastated by your arrest. It is profoundly tragic that they will suffer so much.

Please, God don’t let any of those 300,000 people about to be arrested for child pornography be in my life. And Please God, don’t let the FBI arrest innocent people.

Oprah - Porn Ain’t What It Used To Be.

I agree with Bill O’Reilly (SCREAM!!!)

Sexual Urban Legend

Cross Posted on Blog Fabulous.

I am so proud of us.

Give yourself a standing ovation!

Cross Posted on Empowering Girls: So Sioux Me

Time is running out fast for the PROTECT Our Children Act!

Since PROTECT’s campaign was featured on the Oprah Winfrey Show, nearly half a million Americans have flooded the Senate with phone calls and emails, demanding that Washington take action. Thanks to this tidal wave, we now have 52 Senate sponsors. So, the good news is that, in a 100-member Senate, we have all the votes we need to pass this bill and protect thousands of children!

The bad news is that we might never get a vote… unless you act now.

Believe it or not, there are just two men in Congress who now hold complete power over whether the PROTECT Our Children Act becomes law. Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK), the single Senator preventing the bill from passing by “unanimous consent,” could give the bill his support and it would pass within hours. But he says he won’t do that unless the Senate also passes a John McCain bill, the SAFE Act. Or Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV), the Majority Leader, could simply send the bill to the Senate floor for a vote, where it would pass by a landslide. It’s really that simple. Either man could be the hero.

Each man says he supports the PROTECT Our Children Act. Each claims the other is playing politics. You don’t have to take sides. Just tell them both to act now… before it’s too late! Please click here to send a message!

Do something right now - email them at www.protect.org

It takes two seconds to make the world a better place.

Hey Ya’ll - Don’t miss Suze Orman, author of Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny on Oprah today.

The way people have been handling their money has been a hot topic around Blog Fabulous since I got here.

The reason is because my family got in some hot water about 4-5 years ago now and it took a long time for us to dig ourselves out of the hole and learn about money and develop a healthy relationship with it.

Women MUST learn about money. Must. Must. Must.

Else you shall have no power in your own life, Sister. That’s a fact.

Watch Suze today and we can talk about what she says in the comments section.

I must point out that Suze saw this bank crash coming. She told ya’ll to stop whipping out your credit card for every little thing you desired.

If you didn’t listen, know that there is a secret recipe to digging yourself out of your money mistakes: LEARN and Change Your Thinking.

Take Financial Peace University at a location near your home and learn to change the way you think about money. It’s hard, but at the end of the road there’s peace.

Buy Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny and learn about women’s relationship with it and how you can develop a healthier bond.

Read my Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny detailed review and critiques here:

Image Source: Oprah.com

According to the teasers for today’s Oprah the first Why Do Men Cheat? show didn’t go over that great because it let men off.

Gist of the show - “Men are lonely because they are basically emotionally retarded and the only communication they understand is sex, so wives should do it more. Oh, and men always need to win.”

Duh.

Uh, here’s something to study: why women are sick to death of being married to it or dating it.

Trying to communicate with a husband is, at times for some women (not myself, of course), like beating your head against a brick wall and then realizing that 1/3 of the time it’s a futile effort and he’ll cheat anyway. Oh, and he’s sure to lie about it too.

However, I think Gary Neuman is a very insightful guy and I think it was a matter of translation. I thought his shows on divorce last year were the best shows ever and I doubt he meant for the cheating issue to come off as simplistically as it did.

I doubt he meant to make men look quite as emotionally retarded as we sometimes think they are. Please God, tell me they aren’t that emotionally retarded and we’ve been letting THEM rule the world. Please.

I can’t wait to watch this afternoon so I can find out what he really meant to say.

He’s going to give us 3 ways to Affair Proof Your Marriage:

My guesses?

1. Do IT more.

2. Never complain, require nothing emotionally.

3. Stroke his Ego.

Anyone else have guesses?