“be straight about the facts so that a new generation of young men and women can be aware of their basic ability to conceive (or not)…”

Word.

But what about you? What about us? Where have you received your “education” on fertility issues? It wasn’t school. Now that “school’s out,” many of us have been forced to school ourselves on our bodies, our selves. How did you do (how are you doing) it?

For me, it was blogs. A year or so ago, there weren’t a fraction of fertility/infertility blogs out there as there are now, but they still popped up on the top of my google searches – and for that, I am so thankful. Better than any Fact Sheet or FAQ on infertility (what I was really looking for), far better than any expose of the business of donor eggs (not what I was looking to read), blogs helped me understand the processes, procedures and most importantly, what I might be in for if I decided to pursue the idea of trying to have a baby.

Now, of course, no blog can take the place of a medical professional and your own RE, but blogs are what I looked to before I even made an appointment with my RE. Gosh darn it, personal experience counts for a lot.

After I became a little further entrenched in the fertility thing, I supplemented my blog reading with books – some good, some ehhn. To learn more about how my body does (and why it might not) work.

So that’s me. Tell me, dear readers, where do you go for your sex and fertility education?

Post from: Blisstree

b5media Theme Day – School’s Out! What are You Doing to Continue Your Sex/Fertility Education?

Of course, I can rehash the who used IVF and who didn’t and point to some current folks that everyone has their eye one (and the week’s not over, I might). But that info seems tired. Old. Not really helpful.

Unlike this article in the New York Times today.

Which is relevant. Fresh and well-written. Which are some things that can never be taken for granted in an article that discusses infertility or living childfree.

This article happens to star my blogging friend Pamela Jeanne whom many of you may already know from her excellent blog Coming2Terms.

And I think if you get a feature in the NY Times, you count as a celebrity.

Not quite the 15 minutes of fame that Pamela envisioned, she said. But I, for one, am so thankful that a rational piece has been written that counters the assumption that adoption is the natural progression of things after failed infertility treatments:

“It’s not a binary — you either have a child or adopt. It’s not that simple,” she said, recalling the struggles of friends who pursued adoptions.

It is unclear how many women are involuntarily childless. The stigma attached to infertility and living without children pressures many women to remain silent about their struggles, Mrs. Tsigdinos said, adding, “It’s not something you want to drop into conversation at a cocktail party.”

I will be sharing this article with several colleagues. I invite you to go check it out, then visit Pamela and let her know what a great job she did.

What do you think about the article? Let’s talk about it.

Post from: Blisstree

Taking Ownership of a Childfree Life

Yes, thank you, Captain Obvious.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, this fact is painfully clear to you. Did you buy your mom a card? Does she really know how much you love her? Are you as good to your mother as she was to you? Hmmm? Hallmark, the diamond store and all of your local retailers want to know.

Because if your mom’s not good enough with the guilt trips, they will be happy to lay some on for you.

This “holiday” for the most part, repulses me. And no, it’s not just because I am not yet eligible to be on the receiving end of a card. I have never liked Mother’s Day, even in the years (like this one) when mom and I actually get along. I cannot stand the social obligations that are not my choosing. I recoil at the feeling that I must purchase/do/feel something according to a predetermined, insignificant, non-historical date on my calendar.

And now that I myself am trying to have a baby and not doing very well with that, I am feeling bad that I am not feeling bad about being let out of this lucrative celebration.

I saw a headline this morning which read, Mother’s Day is Devastating for Women Facing Infertility, and it made me cringe. Guess what, world? I think thick skin is pretty much a pre-requisite for trying to conceive. I think we are a little stronger than you give us credit. Is Mother’s Day rough? Sure, but no rougher than any other day where we face comments like this one, or this one, or this one. It’s really just another day.

If you are needing some help on dealing with this particular day, Pamela Jeanne had a great post earlier this week on Zen and the Art of Avoiding Mother’s Day Marketing and shares a twist on the typical articles one usually finds leading up to the date.

If you are needing a reminder that to be child-free is NOT A BAD THING and does NOT signify failure of any kind, please, I beg you, read this other post by Pamela Jeanne (and the many comments it received) and then bookmark this post from Sharah and keep it handy.

Sharah takes the “Infertility Island” metaphor and shifts it to a scenario where there and the Island of Motherhood are not the only two options:

Then one day, for whatever reason, you realize that you simply CANNOT stay one more day on the Island. Could be that you’re going crazy, could be that your spouse forces your hand, could be that you run out of funds, could be … any number of reasons. But you can’t stay. And you still can’t go to the mainland cause you don’t have a ticket for the ferry. So you jump in the water and let the current carry you where it will. And pretty soon, you wash up on another island downstream. There’s a great big jungle on the side of this island that faces infertility island that’s deep, and dark, and foreboding, and hides all the villages. But once you hack your way through the jungle, you realize that there’s a gorgeous beach and friendly neighbors with lots of tequila to share on the other side.

I loved this post. Yes, we are still trying. I am still one of those hopefuls with their boarding passes to motherhood still grasped firmly and expectantly in her hand. But as I am vacationing at the beach this weekend and, quite literally, dipping my feet into the water for the first time, I am so grateful to remember that there is a world on the other side of what feels like a vast and endless thing.

Post from: Blisstree

Living Childfree in the Midst of Mother’s Day