Topic: parenthood

Why 4 in 10 Women Aren’t Expecting to Find Themselves Expecting

Why 4 in 10 Women Aren't Expecting to Find Themselves Expecting

The nonprofit Guttmacher Institute yesterday reported that 40% of pregnancies across the U.S. are “unintended. That number seems astonishingly high, especially given the modern woman’s access to birth control. Why, when so many of us are ferociously planning most other aspects of life, are we failing to get organized when it comes to one of the most important decisions we’ll ever make? It doesn’t make any sense — until you parse the meaning of ‘unintended’ a bit:

In nearly every state, about 65% to 75% of unintended pregnancies were considered mistimed and 25% to 35% unwanted, according to Guttmacher.

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Childfree and Happy: Psychologist Ellen Walker on Why Not Having Kids Is Better

Childfree and Happy: Psychologist Ellen Walker on Why Not Having Kids Is Better

To be or not to be a mom: That’s the question that psychologist Ellen Walker, Ph.D. discusses in her book Complete Without Kids: Childfree Living By Choice or By Chance. Study after study proves that childfree adults are happier than parents, and Walker agrees. But how do you know whether you’ll be happy without having kids? And what does life look like when you skip out on parenthood? We asked Walker for her take on how to make the tough decisions, and how to deal with the pros and cons of being childfree:

How did you decide not to have kids?

Well I’m one of those poeple who woke up one morning and realized I was 45 and had forgotten to have kids. I was busy! I was getting a Ph.D., having a full psychology practice, doing community service, and traveling around the world with friends. More »

How to Have a Great Relationship: Be Young, Married, and Childless

How to Have a Great Relationship: Be Young, Married, and Childless

There are countless books, articles, and well-paid professionals selling ways to achieve marital bliss, but new study from Britain lays out the basics: If you want a great relationship, be young and don’t have kids. The study, a taxpayer-funded British survey released on Monday, is tracking 40,000 British households to learn about their lifestyles and experiences. When it comes to relationships, the researchers found that the happiest couples were young, married, didn’t have kids, and had been together for less than five years. More »

Family Traditions: Why My Wife and I (Now) Spend the Holidays Together

Family Traditions: Why My Wife and I (Now) Spend the Holidays Together

Right before Thanksgiving, the good folks here at Blisstree posted My Wife and I Spend the Holidays Apart (And We Like It That Way), a little look at our non-traditional non-together festivities. The piece struck an online nerve, eliciting a fair number of comments, both here and abroad. It even landed Kim and I a guest spot on a the NPR radio show “The Story,” fulfilling a personal goal even if it had nothing to do with Ira Glass. Although, host Dick Gordon has a much more soothing put-you-at-ease voice, the kind made for hot cocoa. (Hear for yourself: Our segment begins around 29:30.)

http://thestory.org/archive/the_story_1175_Bley_Brothers_Thanksgiving.mp3

Overall, I was pleasantly surprised with the responses. Not that everyone thought our way of doing things made a lick of sense, but nearly everyone took a live-and-let-live whatever-works-for-you attitude about it. It warmed my Grinchy heart, but it also made me feel guilty for a bit of writerly withholding to the readers. I apologize. I wasn’t entirely forthcoming More »

Parenting Sucks, Says Research. So Do You Still Want a Baby?

Parenting Sucks, Says Research. So Do You Still Want a Baby?

One of Slate’s most popular articles today, “Parents are Junkies,” asks why we love parenthood so much, given all the research that says it sucks. In the last few months, several articles have been written about research proving that parenthood makes us less happy; not more. Statistics show that more often than not, the birth of a child gives rise to the death of a marriage, greater likelihood of depression, and an onslaught of anxiety about the resources available to said child.

Sorry! This poll is now closed.

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Sister Wives? I’m Going to Citizen’s Arrest Your A**es

Sister Wives? I'm Going to Citizen's Arrest Your A**es

Here’s what I’ve learned about a big religious family that practices polygamy and gets their own reality TV show: They’re no different from any other sad, desperate, fame-starved, money-hungry family (Gosselin, Kardashian, Bonaduce, Osbourne, Hamlin/Rinna) that sells out what limited morals and principles they have in order to parade their banal lives on TV. Okay, there is one difference. The religious polygamists (in this case, the Browns of TLC’s Sister Wives) imply that their reasons for signing a reality TV contract involve family, love, togetherness, children, unity, yak yak yak, and how critical it is for them to show the world the beautiful truth about how they live in harmony in their “closed” polygamous society. Oh, and the cash from TLC doesn’t hurt, either.

Adult members of Sister Wives? Here’s why I’m coming to your giant house(s) to make a citizen’s arrest: Not because you’re polygamists. (You’re already under investigation for that.) My beef with you is that you have way too many damn kids. More »

Would You Have a One-Night Stand If It Could Re-Energize Your Committed Relationship?

Would You Have a One-Night Stand If It Could Re-Energize Your Committed Relationship?

So last night I saw a screening of The Freebie, a new indie film that opens today in select cities, is helmed by first-time director Katie Aselton, and stars Ms. Aselton and Dax Shepard (of NBC’s treacly series Parenthood) in the leading roles. Now, I’m always prepared to loathe dramatic movies that don’t rely on a real script, where the actors ad-lib the majority of their allegedly profound dialogue. (And if I never see another loaded dinner-party scene with 30-something characters laughing, interrupting each other, and hitting the audience over the head with the film’s subtext, it’ll be too soon.)

But I’m not a film reviewer, and this post isn’t a film review. (Besides, I actually liked the movie, despite my best efforts not to. It was well-acted, filmed, and edited.)

But one really can’t help but talk about The Freebie afterward, as my screenwriter friend and I did over drinks and dinner following the showing. The Freebie centers around Annie (Katie Aselton) and Darren (Dax Shepard), an almost sickeningly in-love committed married couple in their 30s living in Los Angeles, who love each other, like each other, get each other, confide in each other, communicate with each other, have fun together, eat ice cream from the same spoon, flirt with each other at the farmers’ market, and laugh all the time. It’s the perfect relationship, this. (Not to mention perfectly irritating.) Problem is, Annie and Darren are experiencing a bit of a dry spell in the bedroom, though neither one seems particularly upset about this phase – on the surface, anyway. Instead of having sex, they sweetly do crossword puzzles together in bed, and seem perfectly happy doing so. But instead of – oh, I don’t know – seeing a marriage counselor about their underlying sexual issues, they proceed to hatch what seems like a really, really bad plan. More »

“Parenthood” Season Premiere: Too Much Family Is Boring

"Parenthood" Season Premiere: Too Much Family Is Boring

In your standard television drama, family stuff takes a backseat to whatever’s going on at work, typically at a hospital, law firm, or police precinct. A noble surgical resident has more time for her patients than her husband (Grey’s Anatomy), a scorned wife gets back on her feet by returning to work as a high-powered lawyer (The Good Wife), an alcoholic detective tackles the city’s drug problem but can’t make it to his kids’ ball games (The Wire). NBC’s Parenthood, which had its season premiere last night, reverses the work-family dynamic: Work is what gets in the way of family, not vice versa.

In last season’s pilot, Julia (Erika Christensen), a high-powered lawyer, struggled to put down her Blackberry long enough to take a family picture with Santa. In this season’s opener, she tells her husband Joel (Sam Jaeger) she wants a second child, but he’s already feeling restless staying home with their one child. Crosby (Dax Shepard) struggles with a long-distance relationship with his young son and former girlfriend, who recently moved across the country to New York to take a dream job dancing with Alvin Ailey. Eldest son Adam (Peter Krause) is reprimanded at work by a jerky boss (a slick William Baldwin) for letting his family interfere too much with his work.

The show’s focus on the family is admirable, but it’s not all that entertaining. Without the thrills of the E.R. or the courtroom, we’re left with only the character’s suburban personal lives to amuse us. And, while said lives are depicted by a flock of talented, you-loved-them-on-that-other-show actors—Peter Krause from Six Feet Under, Lauren Graham from Gilmore Girls (again playing a single mother), and Craig T. Nelson from Coach and The District, just to name a few—Parenthood’s characters, and the situations they find themselves in, feel more like archetypes than unique, fully fleshed out people and moments. More »