Image from www.sxc.hu

Then there are moments when you wonder how close to your mother or father your parenting style is. The reflections can take a positive or negative spin, depending on your perspective of the moment. It’s more comfortable to emulate the good your own parents showered you with, but definitely difficult to avoid emulating some unpleasant experiences from your childhood. There may have been some events in your past that you do not want to replicate with your own child.

“I don’t want to nag,” Josie, a mother of three, shared. “I avoid nagging my children as much as I can because my mother nagged a lot. I hated being on the receiving end of it. I told myself that I’d never nag my kids once I became a Mom. Yet here I am, thirty years later, nagging my kids to do their chores, be more responsible, this and that.” Her kids have shared that she’s turned into their grandma. “My heart was crushed, but it was true. I did become my mother.”

“I was never open with my parents,” Mark, a father of four, explained. “My father was always out of the country and my mother pretty much kept to herself. I want to raise my daughters to be open with me, but I find myself falling into the same trap. I’m always at work and when I come home, the girls are asleep. They’re growing up so fast and I am hardly getting to know them.”

Perhaps when one becomes a parent, the fear we had as children comes back, triggering a new fear that we would repeat our parents’ mistakes. What do you do when this happens?

“Acknowledge that it’s happened,” Josie advised. “And just be the best parent that you can be.” She shares that while she is trying her hardest not to nag her kids, the occasional slip-ups happen.

Mark shared he’s trying to come home earlier and avoid working on weekends. “Do something. You can either accept that you’ve repeated history, or you can do something about it.” He’s slowly getting to know his daughters better.

Other things that one can do: Celebrate your own style of parenting. Perhaps there are similarities that you share with your own parents’ style, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have a style all your own.

Also, think about why your parent had that particular style before concluding anything. When you were a teenager, getting an early curfew was a disaster to your social life and you may have hated your parents for it. It could’ve triggered you to think, “When I’m a Mom, I’ll let my kids enjoy her socializing as much as she can!” Well, now that you’re a parent yourself, do you still think the same way or can you empathize with why your Mom gave you that early curfew?

Finally, think about the positive effect their parenting style had on you. Did they push you too hard? Perhaps. And how did you turn out? Maybe you’re more competitive, maybe that driven spirit of yours was an effect of them constantly challenging you. Look into the positive effects their parenting style had on you, and you may find yourself replicating this with your own children.

Becoming your mother or father may or may not have its benefits. Learn from experience and carry on. What’s most important is that you are trying to be the best parent you can be to your children.

Post from: Blisstree

Do You Parent Like YOUR Parent?

“Yes, they are honey. Now go back to sleep.”
“Are they in this land?”
“No. We don’t have any pyramids here in this country.”
“In Brazil?”
“No, not in Brazil. In Egypt. Now got to sleep darling.”
“The Egypt in Africa?”
“Yes, that’s the one.”
“Are people in Egypt called Egyptians?”
“Yes, they are. Now go to sleep, honey.”
“Have you been to Egypt, Mommy?”
“No, honey. But your grandparents have. They went on a cruise down the Nile.”
“What’s the Arrow?”
“Nile. It’s a river in Egypt. Now go to sleep. It’s late. Or early, really.”
“What time is it?”
“Two. Now go to sleep.”
“Is the Nile deep?”

… You get the idea. Nearly two hours, a bathroom trip and a glass of water later, my son finally drifted back to sleep.

I knew when we decided to have a child that there would sleepless nights – especially in those newborn years or the teenage years when your child is old enough to drive. I just assumed there’d be a grace period in between where parents could catch up on all the sleep they missed out on when their newborn was wailing every two hours. Or that time when he was a year old and he got into that jag where he woke up every night from 2 a.m. – 4 a.m. without fail wanting nothing but my undivided attention. (After two weeks of that I broke into a slobbering, tearful mess and begged my doctor for help, which came in the form of OTC Benadryl, but that’s another story.)

Apparently, I’m not alone. Sleep deprivation among parents is common, according to a study by a researcher with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In a health survey of more than 79,000 adults in 18 states and Washington, D.C., consisting of married parents with children living at home, unmarried parents living with children, and married or unmarried adults without kids, parents were more likely to report insufficient sleep than adults without children. Among the sleepless, moms topped the list.

The solution? Researcher Daniel P. Chapman suggests sleep education among families with children, “particularly mothers.” Um …. Ok.

Source: WebMD
Photo, Flickr, peasap

Post from: Blisstree

News Flash: Parents are Sleep Deprived

If you’re concerned about your elderly parents, physically challenged parents, or those who may be targets for attacks, robberies, and physical abuse, check out the possibility of them taking a cane-fu fighting class.  (You may want to take it along with them!)

This is physical defense using a cane.  The cane-fu classes also are good sources of exercise and many senior centers are offering them.

Check out the post about cane-fun fighting at Elder Guru for more information (click on link above).  There’s also a video to give you “live” action information.

Derrick mentions that even the Wall Street Journal recently published an article about this popular self-defense/exercise activity and links to it.

In Derrick’s post, he relates the incidents where an older citizen protected himself with his cane.  Of course, you have to use common sense when defending yourself, but a cane-fu class would appraise you of these matters.

Post from: Blisstree

“Cane-Fu Fighting” for Parents’ Safety

Finding caregiver support groups in your area, or online, can be a challenge.  Here are a few suggestions.

Check out the following places in your community to see if they have a support group or know of any:

• Home health agencies
• Senior Center
• Local Hospital
• Local Nursing homes
• State Alzheimer’s Association
• State Department of the Elderly or Family Services
• Others caring for elderly parents or spouses

If there is nothing in your community, the groups meet when you’re at work, or you live too far from an organized community, you might want to check out online support groups.  Also, by reading blogs about Alzheimer’s caregiving and leaving comments that the blogger and other readers might answer, you’ll feel more connected with the caregiver community and not so alone.

What suggestions do you have? Are there particular caregiver groups/organizations you find particularly helpful.

Post from: Blisstree

Finding Caregiver Support Groups

Pink Columbine

“Dylan did not do this because of the way he was raised,” said Susan Klebold during a 2004 interview with New York Times columnist David Brooks. “He did it in contradiction to the way he was raised.”

Following the attack, Eric Harris’ parents wrote letters to the families of their son’s victims. To one injured girl they wrote, “We would have given our lives to prevent (the tragic events).”

Like the other victims, they are suffering from the deaths of their sons. They also suffer from the guilt of wondering if there was anything they could have done to prevent it. Parents of troubled teens often think their battle is internal. I can’t imagine very many would assume their child would grow up to do such a heinous act. And that is why I feel for them. In my eyes, my son can do no wrong. But what if he did. I will always love him.

On this, the 10th anniversary of the Columbine attack, we are now wiser. Our schools have stepped-up security measures and threats by students are no longer taken lightly. I pray another attack never happens and puts our dear children at risk. And I pray for peace for the parents of Eric and Dylan. The financial cost to them has rung in at more than $1.5 million. But their emotional cost is, no doubt, priceless.

Source:
Denver Post

photo, Flickr, photogirl7

Post from: Blisstree

Parents of Columbine Shooters Suffering Too

Image: sxc.hu

One of my kids’ favorite toys is a big box that they can decorate as a plane or castle or car or whatever they are feeling like that day. They have way more fun with that than with the fancier more finished toys

I want to thank Mike for calling my attention to big boxes.  My grandchildren, as well as my daughter before them, have been fascinated with big boxes and all that can be done with them. My grandson, nearly 14, still makes off with the large boxes we get and creates all types of imaginary items with them.

We, as parents, grandparents, relatives and teachers, need to encourage this imaginary play and let youngsters have fun with items they can create from free and inexpensive materials.  Simply make sure they’re safe materials and that youngsters are using them in ways that aren’t harmful.

Post from: Blisstree

The Fascination of Big Boxes for Kids

Image: sxc.hu

When I see my grandson and his cousin spending the afternoon in the woods around our home, building forts, playing games without electronic accompaniments, and using their imaginations, I’m taken back to my childhood when the radio was the only gadget we had around.  Televisions did exist but we couldn’t get reception out in the country where we lived.

My sister and I made dolls, played school, created doll houses, read books in trees, and splashed in the swimming hole made by two brooks in the pasture.  Our brothers created toys from scraps of wood, built forts,  pretended they were cowboys and played ball in the field.  Friends joined us and seemed to prefer coming to our farm rather than staying at their homes in the village where there were more conveniences.

The charm of imaginary games and using their creativity for crafts and making toys sometimes gets lost for youngsters in today’s world.  It’s up to us as parents and grandparents, aunts and uncles to encourage these activities in the children in our lives.

Some suggested books for encouraging creativity:

Nature Crafts for Kids by Gwen Diehn and Terry Krautwurst

Nature Crafts (Creative Kids) by Joy Williams

Kid Style Nature Crafts by Sterling Publishing Co.

The Kids’ Nature Book by Susan Milord

Nature’s Playground by Fiona Danks and Jo Schofield

Post from: Blisstree

The Charm of Imaginary Games for Kids

The Caring for Earth and Earth Day Theme Unit offers a wide variety of resources and projects for a variety of ages and grades.  These involve reading suggestions, puzzles, research of related topics, worksheets, and much more.

Post from: Blisstree

Earth Day Projects for Tots & Teens

When I cared for Mother and Auntie,  I had my dad and my uncle who needed assistance, too.  Father and Uncle Al had physical problems but not dementia or Alzheimer’s.  Mother remained my responsibility for eight years after the others passed away.

My daughter was grown and caring for her children.  So, even though I helped with grandchildren, I didn’t have full responsibility, as many of you do with younger children at home.

The balancing act is such challenge that you do need others to support you, even beyond family members.  Find support groups, both online and off.  Attend workshops that will give you insight and information.

Above all, take care of yourself. Find some time for yourself.  You must realize you are important and the balance of everything rests on you.  Caregiving for parents, along with children,  may not be a responsibility you sought, but it’s there.

Maintain a sense of humor. You’ll find those you are caring for generally respond better when there is laughter around.  You’ll feel better for it, too.

Share with us here some of your secrets of coping.

Post from: Blisstree

Are You Parenting in Two Directions?

Some of my fondest childhood memories center around bedtime stories.  When we four children were very young, Mother read to us.  We piled on one another’s beds, alternating each evening, while she read chapters from Heidi, Robinson Crusoe, Little Women, and Tom Sawyer.

Then, often during the day, we might act out these stories.  I particularly recall our pretend jaunts around the Swiss Mountains as we visited Heidi, Peter, Clara and Grandfather.

When we were older, reading in bed before I went to sleep was a pleasure that has carried over to adulthood.  Story time became a ritual with our daughter and now grandchildren.  All of us, in our three generation household, read whenever we have a chance and particularly when we crawl into bed.

When parents have bedtime story rituals with their children, they’re developing traditions that often will carry over into future generations.

Post from: Blisstree

Parents Develop Bedtime Story Rituals