I’d react with a body slam, but in the book I am checking out, How to Instantly Connect with Anyone, Leil Lowndes offers tips and insight on how to respond without spewing suspicion-fueled obscenities because, after all, it might just be an innocent mistake.

(Not sure HOW. But whatev.)

But the issue existing made me curious – has it ever happened to any of you? How did YOU react?

I personally think at the point of that, there better be a GOOD reason, or I wouldn’t be caring about damaging the relationship!

Image: mhprofessional.com

Post from: Blisstree

When Your Partner Calls You the Wrong Name

*Funny
*Kind
*Strong
*Loyal
*Sexy
*Open-minded
*Likes kids
*Smart
*Patient
*Tall
*Between the ages of 37 and 45
*Some gray hair
*Smells good
*Values family

That is an excerpt from my list. I started with the bare bones, then I thought, “Funny, but also able to be still and quiet, because I need some peace, too.”

I can remember reading about a love spell of sorts where you make the list, then burn it and send it out into the Universe which may or may not be something that you’d like to try. Any excuse to buy a new scented candle works for me.

My friend, Scarlett, she sent me her list in an email awhile back. She had, “Man who reads,” on there. Oh, yeah, I thought, that would be wonderful, but I was worried that by putting that on my list, I’d be asking for too much. Within hours, I signed onto Facebook, where I saw that my old friend, a friend I felt crush-ish about, was talking about books. Hot damn, I thought, I’m hooked!  A man who reads – not too much to wish for, at all.

Try the list idea. Burn it, hold onto it, revise it, whatever. The purpose is to examine exactly what you’d like to find in a partner. My theory is this – you are less likely to allow the wrong one to run you around if you have some idea of what the right one will look like.

Here’s an excerpt from Scarlett’s list:

*TEETH–the first thing I see when I look at a guy
*Color eyes, hair and all that are just part of the package so I would say it is their body language, smile and personality that makes them attractive to me.
*They do need to be in good shape too. 
*Nice ass is good too but with the baggy style jeans you really can’t tell until they are naked and then it is too late–usually hooked on the person by then…
*Now for the heart of the matter, reader (more than magazines), thinker, kind, considerate, financially responsible (do not have to be rich or a sugar daddy) no couch potatoes or total lets-watch-every-sports-show-on-TV either.
*Must like the outdoors
*Occupation does not matter
*Must be in touch spiritually and like to socialize and travel…….

Image credit: All Posters.com

Post from: Blisstree

What Is On Your Man List?

One “love saying” questioned whether or not your spouse should be your best friend. It got me thinking about my past marriage and relationships. I think I’d like to be married again someday – I know I’d like to be in a committed relationship again some day. Would I need that person to be my best friend? 

Here’s what the relationship experts had to say:

Pepper Schwartz, sociologist: I agree. I think you’re asking a lot of your marriage to have the level of confidentiality, truthfulness, and disclosure that a best friendship has. Your marriage can fulfill only so many roles.

Barbara De Angelis: I disagree. If your spouse isn’t your best friend, then what is he? I think it’s important that you not only love him but like him a lot, too.

John Gray, author of “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus”: I have no problem with partners who are best friends, but you should have other close friends to confide in as well – especially when you are having relationship difficulties and need time away from your spouse. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

I remember making my marriage the center of my world. My husband had a way of keeping me off-balance and under his thumb without ever saying, “Love only me.” I now feel that was a big mistake. I should have made my world larger, let more people in. I was very young then – you live and you learn.

My last love was my best friend until I realized that he really was not a good friend at all. I think that I’m still learning. Your partner should be your closest friend, but they should not be your only friend.

I have a female friend that I can talk to about anything and that includes things I would not talk to my partner about. The days of full disclosure with a romantic partner are over for me. I think a balance is important. Total dependence, that includes friendship, is not healthy for a relationship. You’ve got to be complete on your own, to be a good partner.
 
What do you think?  Best friend? Not best friend?

Image credit: All Posters.com

Post from: Blisstree

Love and Friendship

Mom is cute, petite and smiley. You’d think those mature men would be all over her profile, filling up her inbox. So far, no so much. One man who is 70 sent a greeting. Mom is a very young 63 – active, like I mentioned. I’m not sure that an older man, who is admittedly overweight and 70, is what she’s looking for. Not that I have a problem with people who are overweight (I’m soft and on the fluffy side myself right now), but if a man is not taking care of himself at that age, how much longer is he going to be around? 

Putting up an online dating profile, it just doesn’t seem to get the traffic that it used to get. I’ve noticed that with not only Mom’s profile, but a few of friends, and my own profile.  Even on free sites like Date.com and Plenty of Fish.  I wrote a couple of months ago about how the economy is supposedly making the online dating places surge with new daters. Then, I wrote that people aren’t dating as they can’t afford it. 

At this point, I’m leaning toward the decrease in daters, rather then the increase.  It’s possible that people are setting up profiles, but the economy is putting a damper on their enthusiasm to do anything about meeting anyone. That’s too bad, because when things get tough, we could all use a hug.  You need a partner for that.

Don’t forget to enter my giveaway.

Post from: Blisstree

My Mom and Date.com

I’m sure some may think that it’s taking away the romance out of it but if you really think about it, it would actually bring romance back in the relationship. Or perhaps help you come to a decision on whether to stay or, well, leave.

To help jump start your thought process, here’s my personal thoughts on the matter:

#5
Sounding board

From trivial things to major projects, ranting or raving, I’ve got someone there to listen to me and help me organise my thoughts.

#4
Pacifier

I can be an emotional wreck sometimes. It’s good that someone can think of ways to bring me back to reason.

#3
Care

Though I know how to take care of myself, it always brings me a good feeling that someone will heat up some chicken soup or buy me my medicine when I’m sick.

#2
Learning new things

This applies to couples who are somewhat opposites. Each bring a different flavour to the other’s life thus enriching each other’s experiences. I learn about the things I normally wouldn’t have known had I not been around him.

#1
A sense of belonging

I’m not referring to possession in the strictest sense but rather on the idea that someone has committed himself to becoming a witness to my life. Having a partner somehow creates a whole new dimension to the term, “home” for me.

What about you? What are five things you like about having a partner? Do share!

Post from: Blisstree

5 Things I Like About Having A Partner

We all have our ideals when it comes to choosing a partner. We come up with a list either by superficial standards or by principles. I guess it will be tested once we face that moment whether we are going to choose the person who matches all but one trait, physical or personality, which we think weighs a lot. We then face a dilemma that basically asks, will you settle for anything or anyone less than your ideal?

A friend of mine is going through such a dilemma right now. She has found a guy who treats her right and is offering the kind of relationship she has always wanted — yes, there’s a HUGE “but” in that statement.

The guy is a couple of inches shorter than she is.

Whoops! Before anyone goes judgmental on my friend over here, consider the situation, first.

Romantically, I’d say I agree with most people that it’s a bit unfair to take that against the guy. He is, after all, a good guy and I know he will love and treat my friend well. However, ideally, it would look a lot less awkward for my friend who’s gorgeously tall and pretty to be with a guy who looks and is shorter by comparison.

She’s not totally against the idea of getting involved with him since his good qualities seem to overshadow this physical, er, shortcoming (again! me and my puns! sorry.. gah.). She’s just in a bind cuz I know what kind of thoughts are rushing through her mind as she tries to make the decision (it’s a “been there, done that” kind of thing, well, sort of..).

Anyway, I left her with these thoughts, though. Mine. Heh.

“I don’t want to see you get cornered into going into a relationship with someone who’s not truly deserving of you but if he makes you happy and I mean TRULY happy, as in HAPPY, HAPPY.. then he has my vote.”

I always believe in never settling for anything less — well, at least, eversince my sister told me that piece of wisdom, that is. Heehee.

I know it really wouldn’t matter if I say the right things (or the wrong ones for that matter), she’s the one who has to make the decision. But, humour me on this, if she was your friend, what kind of advice would you give her?

For now, I’m keeping my distance. I will not meddle in her affairs. No one should. But I will be here to support whatever decision she makes!

Post from: Blisstree

Dating Dilemma: He Falls Short

I don’t want to sound like the clingy girlfriend here but hear me out on a theory.

I do sometimes prefer that I know where my man is. Two reasons: one, just to know he’s safe. Two, to ease off some doubts — yea, yea, I’m a chick with baggages. Heh. (Just so things are clear, not that he didn’t know that when he decided to date me, so, no one conned anyone into anything. HA!)

Another thing about this privacy thing, I did mention something about respecting each other’s personal space, I reckon there should be some sort of compromise, right? Is there harm in asking for, let’s say, updates? Send an sms message or ring me perhaps?

There’s something about individuals who are privvy on disclosing facts esp when they’re in a relationship. What’s wrong with letting the other person in on the plan? It wouldn’t automatically mean he or she would have to be part of it. Sometimes, we just need to know and feel that we are a part of something. Other times, it’s just to feel that we occupy your somewhat busy thoughts, too. Otherwise, what’s the whole point of being in a relationship then?

I guess, this is me, thinking out loud again. I don’t even know if I made any sense. But those of you who happen to get what I’m driving at, care to share some of your insights? It’ll be much appreciated.

Post from: Blisstree

Just How Private Are You?

The few things you do like about the other person – even those strongly held at first – begin to wear thin. All those other things you don’t have in common begin more and more to rear their ugly heads and become more and more obvious. You begin to quarrels, conflicts, even fights, and then doubts about your “love.”

Soon you break up, UNLESS you and your partner become involved in mutually satisfying sexual relations. Then sex will frustrate the usual test of time. A good sexual relationship may hold a couple together as long as three to five years. But that’s about it. Sex alone will not keep a couple together longer than that. MAKING UP THE TEST OF TIME if you are already involved in satisfying sex relations by stop doing it.

Real Love: it stops slowly.

It will take long time to end a relationship and it will take long time to get over it. Love involves meshing many, many facets of two personalities. You grow together and become a unit. The person becomes a basic part of you, of your own personality. If a break comes, you are just not going to be the same. In fact, you may never quite get over it for as long as you live. That does not mean that you cannot love again. Social scientists are certain that there are a number of persons in this world with whom each of us normally can have a genuine, deep-seated love that will last.

Though you may never get over this “real love” that has ended, you do need to take time to focus on how to deal with this aspect of your life so that it has little weight in future relationships. For example – if this partner has broken down your trust to a degree – you may carry an anti-trust factor into your new relationship. Does that person deserve to take the blame for something another person did? No! Until you are readily able to open your heart to trusting again, you haven’t learned to deal with the previous love and it’s likely the relationship will never flourish into anything substantial.

Post from: Blisstree

CLUE 6. How and when does it end?