Leave your baggage at the door. Guys are happy to help out their girlfriends with emotional issues. But if the baggage becomes apparent too early in the relationship, then a guy will probably bail. Also, baggage causes people to put pressure on or damage a relationship, so it may be doomed from the outset.
 

Why is assumed that women are the only ones with baggage?  Nobody gets to adulthood without a bag or two.  I have issues, I admit it. It’s the people who say they don’t have issues that I worry about.

I knew someone who would question my motives and the things that I said, frequently seeing some other meaning in my words.  I’m not a perfect communicator, but I’m not a  double-talker either. When I say something, I mean what I say. I’m not using it as secret code for something altogether different. You know what I think was happening here?  I think that sometimes this person had that baggage up around his ears and it kept him from hearing me correctly.
 
Here’s a peek into my personal baggage – I worry all men will cheat on me. This baggage comes courtesy of a few cheaters. (Thanks, guys.)  In reality, I know that men are not all cheaters. I know that many of them have self control, but baggage is not about being smart or realistic. It’s about carting around something heavy that slows you down and possibly holds you back.
 
The trick is to recognize your personal baggage and refuse to pick it up. Start fresh. You might think that the baggage contains important lessons learned, but really it’s stuffed full of  prejudice.

Leave that bag of prejudice behind. Walk free, feel lighter. When you met someone new,  don’t  judge that new person based on the experiences you had with the last joker who wasted your time.

Image credit: Sxc.hu

Post from: Blisstree

Leave the Nasty Baggage Behind

In writing for both Relationships and Dating Dames, which is what Relationships used to be, I have spoken about various current and past relationships. One particular person that I wrote about was aware that I was writing about him during the course of our relationship (I never used his full name and he has a very common first name).

I told him that I wrote about us and I even sent him links to posts that I wrote. Either he did not read the posts or he is forgetting that this happened.

He and I had a relationship in which the terms were clear – committed, long-term, exclusive.  Things did not work out and eventually the relationship sort of faded away. I later found out from a third party that my ex had been not living up to those terms while we were together. He, the ex, contacted me and apologized. I was hurt, angry, and embarrassed, but I had a new man and I was moving on.

I wrote about it some and another person, someone we grew up with, took offense at me writing about my life and wrote me a lengthy message about doing so.

This weekend, the ex spent time talking to my girl friend. Then, I started getting comments on older Relationship posts from someone using a fake name saying that I knew what was up the whole time, that I was the pursuer, that I was doing something inappropriate by writing about my relationships in my relationship column.

My ex was telling a very different story to this person, although he admitted what went on when he spoke to my girl friend. There was no point in lying to her – she already knew what happened, she was there with me for almost the entire relationship.

My girl friend, the one who spoke to the ex, asked me to please stop talking about my personal experience, that it leaves me open to futher pain. I understand what she is saying, but I want Relationships to be honest and authentic. I don’t plan to talk about my ex anymore, I’ve spoken very, very little about him these past months, but in talking about certain topics, my experience with him might come up. 

I want to focus on the future. People come in and out of your life. Most leave some sort of mark. You either learn how to incorporate the experience into your personality or you fall apart. I don’t want to fall apart. I want to be happy about my new relationship, about my new boyfriend, and the experiences that are ahead of us. I do not want someone from the past to have any further influence on my future. 

Thank you for reading Relationships.

Image credit: Bailey Smith

Post from: Blisstree

I Write From Experience

Kate Hudson Moves On…Quickly

After the quick read, I can’t help but wonder if it’s true. Will you truly think about a former “failed” relationship after you end your current one? Thinking that this time it will work? Curious thought.

Though I’m a firm believer in second chances, I do draw the line on what will be a healthy move. Changes may have happened, a rekindled passion with the familiar may be comforting but I still consider the unresolved issues — issues that can haunt the couple. Will you truly find yourself in the right sort of relationship?

Another thing that struck me in the article is the mention of the bit about having kids or being a single mom as a way to weed out boys from the men. Wouldn’t it be awesome to be able to do that? I’m no single mum, though. I need to find another way to do that. Suggestions, anyone?

But, yea. Two things worth thinking about: rekindling past relationships and boy weeding. Hehe.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter.

Post from: Blisstree

Kate Hudson Moves On Quick