I had a good 4th of July holiday. I enjoyed my family and my friends stopped by for a visit in the evening, but I could not help wishing for a different sort of day next year. I’d like someone to plan with and shop with and cook with. I’d like my man with me when we are sitting on the patio, laughing with our friends. I want a family that includes a partner.

I’ve spent almost the entirety of my adult life single. I liked being single, appreciated the simplicity of it, the lack of hassle, the independence, but after a few years of that I decided that I was ready for something more. I began dating and was involved in first one, then this long distance relationship. Today, I am feeling a bit lonely and discouraged. How long does it have to be this way?  How long until we have even a short visit together again?  It bothers me that I feel uncomfortable asking those sort of questions.  Communication is important.

When I get like this, and I do get like this sometimes, I’m only human, I try to think of the long term goals that I have for my relationship. I try to remember that the absence won’t last forever, that it will be worth it when we are together again, but it’s hard to think that way when those ideas are abstract, when there’s no plan in place.  I don’t operate well with a completely open-ended future. I’m the kind of person who needs to work toward a goal. My life is full of a lot of uncertainty and I need some things to be constant or safe. This is one of those things.  

I think it’s time to concentrate on the things that I can control. I need to get my home better organized, work on my budget. Bay needs to practice driving and Sarah is teaching me the guitar. Max has some medical appointments and that requires my complete attention.

Hopefully the relationship stuff will fall into place. I know that my boyfriend cares for me. I will do my best to be more patient. 

And my next post will be more peppy. I promise.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Absence Makes the Heart Grow… Lonely

I want to move my boyfriend into my life permanently. That means I need to clear some space for him. Some of this is physical space – he’s got stuff, too, after all – but some of it is mental space. I won’t be the sole decision maker. I won’t be in charge anymore. I’ll have a partner. I love the idea of a partner, but letting go of some of the control, that is going to be a little harder.

I’ve been on my own for so long. I’ve been a single mom for 17 years. That is a long time. I need to remember that he’s an adult, too. He’s been doing things his way for a good many years. We are going to have to mesh our styles, our plans.

I trust him, he’s a smart man and he cares about me and my family, so I have faith in him. It’s myself that I’m worried about. I don’t want to lose myself in my relationship, because it’s happened before. When I was married, with my last relationship, I stopped being me and started being what I thought I was supposed to be. This time I want to be me.  I want to be a better me, maybe, more patient, more relaxed, but I don’t want to always feel that I’m holding back.

I want this relationship to last for the rest of my life. I want to be the best partner that I can be and that’s going to take a little bit of work.

So, anyway, that’s step one. I’m also working on diet and exercise and ……..well a whole new improved me. I’m pretty excited.

Image credit: Michelle Smith

Post from: Blisstree

Day One of A New Outlook

Road trip home for the holidays?

Traveling with a loved one, especially for new couples, can be tricky. Here are a few tips to help make sure your holiday travel plans don’t lead to a stocking full of coal.

*Decide on a route ahead of time. Try to make this as democratic as possible. If you get your way on the route, be open to conceding on some other point later on.

*When planning the route, take into account rest stops. Spending hours in the car can lead to boredom and tension. It might be a good idea to stop somewhere midway for some alone time. A short walk or some shopping – anything to give you a fresh point of view. Venturing out on your own will give you both something new to talk about, as well.

*Before you get on the road, designate the Map Reader. The Map Reader will be in charge of making sure you stay on track. The non-Map Reader should allow the Map Reader to make the decisions – this will cut down on fighting for control of the map. Getting lost or finding the way, whatever, it’s all a shared adventure anyway, right?

*What do you listen to? If your tastes in music are not in sync, then it’s going to be time to get democratic again. One of you chooses the tunes, the other chooses the next meal stop. Bring cds as radio signals can be tricky out in the middle of nowhere. This could be a good time to listen to some of those oldies you have previously listened to only in secret. A game of “remember when…” could recharge the conversation and sharing memories builds intimacy.

*Take some healthy snacks. Arriving with a bellyache is never a good beginning to a family holiday. I have a collapsible cooler that works well for trips. It has wheels on the bottom, so we’ve used it for many family outings, too. Fill yours with something fresh like fruit slices, string cheese, plenty of water.

*Bring your own pillow. This has nothing to do with traveling with your boyfriend, it’s just really good advice.

*Have realistic expectations for the trip. Your family might not love your boyfriend the way you do. That’s fine. I’ve found that the best way to ingratiate my man with my family is to say, “Hey, Steve’s great with the drinks (chopping, cooking of any sort).” The ladies in my family love a man in the kitchen. Find a similar way to highlight your guy’s strengths.

*Try to relax. If this is your maiden voyage, you’ll gain valuable insight for next year. Nothing is going to go perfectly. Accept that and move on.

*Try to have fun – it’s the holidays after all.

image credit: All Posters.com

Post from: Blisstree

How To Survive A Road Trip With Your Man