Okay, if you’re married and you have a fight with your husband and you think, Maybe I could do better, watch this show to be reminded about the quality of man who is still out there. The bad kind. The kind who treats women as his toys and playthings rather than as fellow human beings worthy of love and respect.

This show should be titled Scott Baio is 45 and Deserves to Die Alone. My favorite line so far is the ex-girlfriend who tells him, You cheated on me so many times I got my first AIDS test. Or the coworker who reminds him that he would flip through Playboy on set as if it were a catalog and he just ordered up his next bunny.  He himself, unapologetically, admits that it was just too easy for him to use women and move on when they gave him any flack for being an asshole. It’s apparent he’s totally amused by himself.

Here’s my advice to his girlfriend/fiance who is demanding a commitment – run for your life! This is not the type of man who makes a good husband. This is not the type of man you want to be committed to. This is not the type of man anyone wants to be committed to. Fiance, are you watching this crap? You did notice that he referred to marriage as synonymous to death and chose an attractive female to be his life coach rather than say, a 50-year-old man? When someone tells you who he is you should believe him. 

I believe in redemption. But, Scott Baio doesn’t want to be redeemed he wants someone to save him from himself, but he obviously doesn’t have a soul. This is no spiritual awakening, this is pandering for fans in a dead career. It’s not even that amusing to watch, the best part about it is that it reminds married women that the grass back there in single land got peed on by a soulless Neanderthal who wants to screw you and never call you again.

Post from: Blisstree

Scott Baio is 45 . . .

I just tried the new Noxema Soothe and Smooth Refreshing Bikini Spray which claims to relieve irritation, bumps and redness. It does not work. Don’t waste your money.

I’ve tried shaving cream and really expensive razors. When Veet hair remover first came out I nearly burned my vajayjay off.  Acidic poison burn is really not better than razor burn in the way off wearing a swim suit in public. I’ve used Nair but it gives you a different kind of rash. I’m kind of going for NO RASH at all. I’ve tried the at-home wax products that claim to be painless and lemme tell ya – there IS pain involved. You really need a third party to be waxed, someone with little sympathy or compassion  and someone you know intimately enough to do the deed. My husband isn’t really into jobs like this. Spoils the romance to rip the hair off the Netherlands of your spouse. (However, I think I might get into doing it to him. What does that say about me?) I’ve even tried rubbing the area with deodorant to stop the bumping and itching and it works as well as anything.

If you’ve caught me staring at your crotch at the pool or beach, please don’t be offended. I’m just trying to figure out if I am the only one with this problem.

Professional bikini waxing is definitely the way to go. But, in a small town it’s like $60, which is ridiculous and also so not in my budget to be able to maintain for the whole summer. Maybe for like a second honeymoon or something.

So I wear these board shorts. I know I look like a dork. I just would rather look like a dork than have a irritating rash down there.

It’s ironic really, I remember making terrible fun of my sister for wearing shorts like these about 8 years ago. 

Remember the Vagina Monologues? They had a whole segment about pubic hair and how you can’t really love the vagina if you hate pubic hair. At the time I had a well-kept bikini area and couldn’t relate at all. Now, I’m truly wishing it were trendy to let it grow like a wild forest. I’m just sick of dealing with my pubes.

Watching the Girls Next Door and their attitudes about how “gross” a hairy pubic area is makes me want to blame the whole thing on Hugh Hephner. Do you think pubic hair being thought of as “ugly” is all Playboy’s fault?

If that geezer hadn’t started shaving his bunnies bare for the magazine would the fad have really caught on? Would we be using words like “clean” to discribe a bare bikini line? What’s the opposite of that besides “dirty?” I thought “dirty” was kind of what they wanted anyway.

Is it time to just give up the battle of the bikini line?

Post from: Blisstree

“Clean” Bikini Line

Trashy television confession:

I watch The Girls Next Door and find it totally amusing. You know it’s the reality television series where we get to see how Hugh Hefner’s harem lives.

Understand, I KNOW it’s trash. I would never let my daughter see me watch it, I record it on my DVR and watch after she’s asleep.

What I find interesting about it is not only the exaggerated femininity of the three girlfriends, Holly, Bridget and Kendra. But, I find the fact that they are all vanilla ice cream quite ironic.

I imagine that if I were Hugh Hefner I would want a harem of different types of ice cream. You know women of different types and flavors, but Hef, apparently he only likes platinum long-haired blonds with the same plastic surgeon and the same general size 2 body type. It’s kind of boring to my mind. But, apparently after 80-something years he’s just stuck with the same vanilla ice cream and he likes it.

Trashy television confession #2:

I psychoanalyze the girls. I mean, I actually find them amusing, and I get concerned for their welfare. It does not surprise me at all that Hef is able to find an endless supply of blond, implanted women to serve as his playthings. I mean, women settle for a hell of a lot less than the

Kendra seems the most emotionally stable to me. She seems to understand that she’s getting a pretty fun free ride at the

Bridget, however, I just don’t know about her. She holds a master’s degree, so she’s obviously smart and has potential to pursue an empowered life after Hef gets bored with her. But, I just don’t think she’s dealing with her real issue – which is the obsessive need for other people to find her pretty. All that education aside, she can not get over the need to for others to think she’s pretty enough to be in Playboy. Her life story is about the pursuit of the approval of others. She’s wanted to be in Playboy her whole life and was crushed when they rejected her twice before. When Hef finally let the three of them do a Playboy spread this was the big accomplishment of Bridget’s life. It was finally the outside validation that Bridget needed – You are pretty enough to be in Playboy. Okay, so mission accomplished. But, I worry that when this ride through Hef’s Harem ends, I worry that she will still need the validation and being herself and thinking her own self is pretty just won’t be enough. How sad will the rest of her life be then? Hopefully, her news casting talk show thing will pan out.

Then we come to Holly. She is the one I worry about most. She’s the main girlfriend. And her ambition is to become Hugh Hefner’s wife! How completely out of touch with reality is that? He’s Hugh Hefner! He’s 80-something years old. He’s not going to change. He has no reason to change. He’s found the lifestyle he enjoys and makes no pretense about it. He’s a playboy. He’s tried on the husband and father persona, decided they weren’t for him and cast them in the garbage. Poor stupid Holly apparently found these personas in the trash and brought them back in the house hoping he’d like to try them again. She’s actually said, “In five years Hef will realize he doesn’t need the other girls and I will be enough for him and he will marry me and we’ll live here together.” What? Who? The dirty old man will be going on 90 and she’s expecting a last-minute change of heart. Expecting him to be someone he’s not interested in being.

Jeez, how many of us can relate to that? Wanting a guy to be someone he’s just not, but refusing to believe him when he tells us exactly who he is. 

Post from: Blisstree

3 Scoops of Vanilla